Trying my best in a difficult situation.

[tryingtoevolve]

Hello there,

I am new to posting but have been using this site as a lifeline since April when my husband of not even 3 years came home and told me he was simply unhappy and left. He has been financially partially supporting myself and our young son as I was a SAHM whom worked PT from home as well. I am looking for work, working on getting back into school and have sought out a very credible attorney/ entered individual therapy immediately. I have also built a strong support system with my family and a few friends that really bring some light and stability into this crazy rollercoaster.

 

However, one big issue in my hardships of coping with my separation and I assume my impending divorce ( H has been unable to communicate any desires, feelings, wants, outcomes basically nothing in almost 3 months on what is going on with him, only to say he is selfish and could not be a 'normal' person and do the husband thing. We have had frank discussions on if there was infidelity or a relapse of his sobriety and I have been assured over and over this is not the case. I have learned to not be paranoid but do my best to be prepared for a let down in honesty as I feel as if I do not know the person he has become. Someone out there may be able to point out if this sounds like GIGS?)

 

Anyway. I am a good mother and I love my son very much. I plan to be a hard worker and really achieve a level of life that both my son and I can be someday proud of. Because of this site I have learned so many things and do feel personally strong but my question is this to all you wise folks out there. What do you do when there are things that make you feel completely helpless?! Here is my biggest issue.

 

My mother in-law is a nasty, manipulative and unstable person. She has no record to help me legally as she bullies and manipulates to not have any consequences for her actions. Nobody stands up to her out of fear. My husband once concerned for our sons safety mentally being around her has now been sucked into her antics and has completely done a 180 about our son being with her. She is unstable and does have a personality disorder, of that I am certain. Not only because she is textbook, my background with psychology education, my seasoned lawyers opinion and that of my therapist a PhD but my own personal experiences with her behavior over the years. In short, she has used other children in the family as pawns and currently puts them through mental abuse, she stalks, makes accusations of child neglect where there is none, has fake logs going back years on all of us to use against us and accuse myself and other family members of being depressed and neglectful of our children and has assaulted her own family member twice in front of her grandchild . She holds this over us and it is a feeling of helplessness and fear. She has alienated her friends, neighbors and most all of her family besides my husband and a couple of others who are vastly involved and believe her lies.

 

Legally I have been told there is nothing I can do to keep her away from my child, my STBXH is wrapped around her finger and now believes all of his family members are liars, I am a liar and the countless other conflicts she has had are all an unfortunate circumstance of her being the ultimate victim. I cannot move because legally with an impending divorce proceeding, I cannot prove in court she is unstable and a danger and really I do not even have a leg to stand on. Which equals I cannot stop my son's father from bringing our son around her, alone on his visitation days. It means that now she has an invested interest in using my son and she is really going after it.

 

Anybody out there, have you faced a similar circumstance? What should I do to have the greatest chance of this not consuming my life and damaging my son? She has never cared about my son but now that I am her new target she all of a sudden wants to use him for her game. My own husband said she shouldn't be allowed around him and now, she buys him gifts and it is as if a lifetime of negative behaviors are swept under the rug!

 

I am really at a loss on how to deal with someone so volatile and malicious. Not to mention the fact that my once loving husband, whom never had a bad thing to say about my mothering is now listening to a woman who has it out for me and will go to any lengths to make me miserable even if that means accusing her grandson's mother of unspeakable things. At this point I see my H is unable to think for himself and has never stood up for me or my son in any situation and certainly not now. I am so afraid he will fall into this sick game as he has before and my son and I will be the casualties in her warfare against one person after another and now me!

 

Thank you for reading. I am not computer savvy and I hope I have posted this correctly.

Your advice on how to cope and your own personal experiences get me through.

Thanks again!

 

M