Share how you lift yourself up & move on

[i.am]

Apart from grieving and maintaining NC, I guess the toughest part of moving on is finding ourselves. Those who still had their lives intact, good for you. I'm wondering for those who is feeling that their lives had collapsed, lost interests in the things they used to love doing, and are totally lost right now, how do you pick yourself up and keep moving? Mind sharing?

 

I am one whose life has collapsed. I lost the attention I used to get from my ex. I lost the love. I feel unloved and learning to love myself.

 

Been thinking and thinking of what I can do to keep myself occupied and pick myself up again. Still thinking.

 

I've been thinking of taking up pop vocal lessons. Still comtemplating.

 

What about you? Mind sharing?

[Follower]

I feel your pain I.am, For me when my life was turned upside down i found myself by getting new of everything, that meant friends job, home, car, tv hobbies, everything.

 

Doing this gave me the confidence to get up and move on, because you know what, If your life evolves around one person, your life is pathetic.

 

Re-discover what made you so amazing and if you were not amazing before you met your ex, time to make yourself amazing, pick people that you envy and take the things you envy about them and make them part of you.

 

We don't have a person to discover but a person to make! When i stopped looking for who i am and started making who i wanted to be, everyone started to fall back into place!

 

Its a long hard journey but if you believe in yourself you will get there, positive thinking, tell yourself your beautiful every day, if you don't believe it go and get a new haircut and new clothes, let other people guide you aswell, if you tell someone something you want to change 9 times out of ten they will want to help!

 

Let me know how you get along!

 

Regards, Follower

[aisuru]

Here is my go to list when I'm going through a difficult time.

 

1. Must shower and get ready for the day within 2 hours of waking up so you are not tempted to lay on the couch all day vegging out to TV. Sitting around doing nothing allows you too much time in your head. Necessary sometimes, but don't fall into that trap.

 

2. Go to the gym. It's just a fact that you will feel better after exercise and it's good for you. It doesn't hurt your self confidence that you might even shave off a few pounds or tone up a bit.

 

3. Write down your thoughts and feelings. In a journal, on a blog, anywhere. Sometimes I just need to get the rambling thoughts out of my head so I can better manage my feelings. Be honest in your writings.

 

4. Take a walk or sit outside for a half hour to hour. The daylight will do you good.

 

5. Renew your interest in a past hobby or go out and learn something new. I used to quilt and scrapbook in my 20s but allowed my career, relationships, and life to let them fall by the wayside in my 30s. I'm getting back into the quilting and I signed up for a photography class, something I have always wanted to do.

 

6. Go to the local farmer's market and wander around.

 

7. Get out and volunteer. I do this anyway and it really helps put your own issues into perspective while empowering you through helping others.

 

8. Write down 5 long term life goals and 5 short term life goals. Think about how you're going to get there and map it out. Now is a good time to straighten out your finance goals as well.

 

9. Stay away from alcohol, nicotine, or other toxic substances. Right now you need to take care of yourself by eating healthy and taking vitamins. Drink lots of water!

 

10. Write a list of what you want in a relationship. Write a list of what traits you could improve in yourself for the next relationship. Write a list of things about yourself in the last relationship that you didn't like and would like to do differently. Write a list of what you want in your next partner. Keep these lists short. They will be eye opening and help you to focus on how to be a better partner and contribute to a better relationship.

 

You have to fill that void in yourself that your ex was occupying. Discover who you are and what you love to do. Not only will you feel better, it will make you more attractive to somebody else in the future.

 

Be easy on yourself. Time really does help to heal a broken heart. But take advantage of this low point to learn about yourself, learn how to love yourself, and learn how you want to live your life.

[AKisBaked]

When im feeling down and my mind is playing games on me. I talk to myself like and try to tell myself all the negative things about my ex. Why its better not to be with her, all the sneaky and negative traits about her, and remembering all the things she did to me when I was with her.

 

But other than NC and keeping my mind focused with all the negative things about her. I usually do alot of exercise. Gym, kickboxing, riding my motorcycle, hanging out with buddies. It all helps. But sometimes when I am out with friends I can't help but think about her sometimes even tho i'm trying to have a good time. I find the time when I completely zone out and don't think about her is when I am kickboxing/sparring. Because I am so focused on my opponent and nothing else. But that's what helps me move on.

[lop98]

What's worked for me is exactly what aisuru listed, particularly working out, at first I didn't feel it but I continued a very intense routine of cardio anyway and even though I still think of him everyday, I feel so much healthier (sexier ) and there's just less junk in my brain to deal with it stronger.

 

Same for going out, you feel dead inside the first times, but fun things happen and at first you laugh and briefly forget about it, then for a while, then the whole night.. you force yourself to get back into connecting with others and feel better.

 

Also second getting up and moving as soon as you can.. I know I'm setting up myself for disaster the moment I decide to start trolling around the internet in my bed.

 

Writing. Sites like this help wonders.

 

One more thing I'd add: not checking up on their social networks. The hardest challenge for me, every time I do it, I go back to step 1, killing all the progress I made in days. Just go out of your way not to do it, you'll feel freedom over the next days and the hardest part is working to maintain the freedom by not giving in and checking up on them.

 

I also think it's important to realize that there will be days when it will hit you bad, it's natural... I have gone through days when I fell back into the hole and felt like life was really not going to get better, or like I'd never feel true joy or genuine interests for my things or other people again, I grieved, then one week passed, another week, and it did get better... I'm still nowhere where I used to be before he entered my life but right now I feel like it can happen, same for falling in love with someone new again.

[portableversion]

aa, church , confession multiple times, joined service/spiritual development club known as the secular order of Franciscans, therapy, divorce support, get rid of anything and everything that makes you think of them and yeah no boxes of stuff hiding in the closet, burn it toss it give it back get it gone everything must go, rigorous physical exercise, family, friends, work overtime, lots of prayers, said rosary many many times, got prayer cards to various saints.

 

ill say the purge hurt a lot when doing it, I cried profusely but once it was done it was a relief, they dumped us forget it they don't deserve us trying to hold onto anything to remember the good times. screw that, this is death ashes to ashes dust to dust, I did say a prayer as the smoke rose in the air I said god I loved this woman and my family I miss them very much and I wish we could get back together ive tried and tried but its no use I hurt real bad its in your hands now please help me

Edited April 29, 2013 by portableversion