trying to move on with children

[loquita1]

my H and I have been seperated since july. he moved out because he was unhappy w/our marriage. Thoughout this time we have been trying to be good to eachother for our son. I cannot move on. He gets close to me and i just can't. how the hell did you all do it. i see him on a daily basis. He comes from a broken family and I come from a very close family.

 

i'm love him. but tonight i have this feeling he's moved on. he keeps telling me i deserve someone better. that he is broken. He talks about deperssion but at the same time he had an emotional affair.

to him this was his way of escaping BS!

I'M just so mad right now. i feel so stupid. how the hell do i move on when i need to see him every day. how do you do it? i'm just so sad and hurt right now.

[Shocked Suzie]

Why do you need to see him every day? For you to move forward in any way you need to give yourself some thinking space, this can only be done with some ground rules of minimal contact. The only way I've managed to cope is by doing this, I'm even better within myself when there is NC at all. I've changed my mobile number and communicate only when really needed via email. I know it's hard with children but it's the only way. If you think he has moved on then he is being 'very' selfish but not letting you go and showing you some respect.

 

Small firm steps, you need space to clear your head....you need you time for your own sanity and to maintain being in a good head space for your kids....I did the same as you at the beginning of my split, made it really

hard for myself....it's hard but needs to be done.

 

Good luck x the break may even push him into the correct direction and also show him that you've had enough

Edited April 13, 2013 by Shocked Suzie

[loquita1]

why do you see him everyday?

 

and you need to let go yourself. if you want to move on.

 

and maybe this is what he need so he can go figured himself out and\

deal with his issues.

if you 2 are made to be together , it will all fall in to place when

its so far.

 

he lives near by and sees our son on a daily basis. After moving out we continued like a regular family but living in two dif. households.

[loquita1]

Why do you need to see him every day? For you to move forward in any way you need to give yourself some thinking space, this can only be done with some ground rules of minimal contact. The only way I've managed to cope is by doing this, I'm even better within myself when there is NC at all. I've changed my mobile number and communicate only when really needed via email. I know it's hard with children but it's the only way. If you think he has moved on then he is being 'very' selfish but not letting you go and showing you some respect.

 

Small firm steps, you need space to clear your head....you need you time for your own sanity and to maintain being in a good head space for your kids....I did the same as you at the beginning of my split, made it really

hard for myself....it's hard but needs to be done.

 

Good luck x the break may even push him into the correct direction and also show him that you've had enough

thank you for the info. I just don't know what to do. i k now my brain says move on deal with it. I was a person prior to him...but my heart is still hurt.

 

i avoided him today. i did see him but limited to just quick hello as he picked up our son. i was upset he was late. he later txt me "you still grumpy?: i stuck to the what time for pick up but he attempted to talk to me and i almost lost it (crying) but just left.

 

i wish i could turn off this horrible feeling i have. i feel like such a failure, like everything in life is going against me.

thank you for letting me vent!

[Shocked Suzie]

thank you for the info. I just don't know what to do. i k now my brain says move on deal with it. I was a person prior to him...but my heart is still hurt.

 

i avoided him today. i did see him but limited to just quick hello as he picked up our son. i was upset he was late. he later txt me "you still grumpy?: i stuck to the what time for pick up but he attempted to talk to me and i almost lost it (crying) but just left.

 

i wish i could turn off this horrible feeling i have. i feel like such a failure, like everything in life is going against me.

thank you for letting me vent!

 

Please feel free to vent anytime, maybe to avoid confrontation and seeming ott just say to him that you need space and he needs to respect it. I found even a text would throw me off, so you need ground rules...arranged days and times. For you to process this emotionally 'think of this as a temporary thing...just for now' to get your head around things. If he has moved on emotionally and is trying to pull away from you, why should he be doing this on his own terms and at your emotional expense. Don't be hard on yourself, I've done exactly what you are doing atm, with help/advice from here and friends/family I did the above and it allows you to see things how they actually are, not how your heart wants to see it.

 

Baby steps...if you guys end up separating for good you have a lot ahead of you and you need to focus on what you want for yourself and your child

 

It does get easier, I'm 3 months in and still have really hard days but more

good days now....xxx

[portableversion]

Please feel free to vent anytime, maybe to avoid confrontation and seeming ott just say to him that you need space and he needs to respect it. I found even a text would throw me off, so you need ground rules...arranged days and times. For you to process this emotionally 'think of this as a temporary thing...just for now' to get your head around things. If he has moved on emotionally and is trying to pull away from you, why should he be doing this on his own terms and at your emotional expense. Don't be hard on yourself, I've done exactly what you are doing atm, with help/advice from here and friends/family I did the above and it allows you to see things how they actually are, not how your heart wants to see it.

 

Baby steps...if you guys end up separating for good you have a lot ahead of you and you need to focus on what you want for yourself and your child

 

It does get easier, I'm 3 months in and still have really hard days but more

good days now....xxx

 

 

ha I really like the part where it says why should it be on his terms?

This is resonates with me a lot, many times the ex has said she wants to be friends and rebuild our lost friendship despite the fact she expends much money and effort to fly several thousand miles to shag her bf. SO selfish been many times when I was wanting and had the ability to be friendly and id get the "oh im busy, oh im tired, oh im blah, blah blah,, bs, bs, bs and in the back ground I heard her cell phone exploding with texts or emails from her lover. But when I made myself unavailable uh oh she was not gonna take that, id ignore her call and it would be a guarantee shed show up.

 

One time I was asleep wiped out from shoveling snow for many hours, I was so out of it I forgot to lock my door, I woke up to her shaking me awake. the whole thing has been extremely disturbing and painful. I loved her with every fiber of my being and she divorced me. Divorce counselor said her behavior has made it difficult for me to move on cause it gives hope she wants me back. Which she said many times to me that she misses me and thinks of us doing that, but in the meantime im getting plowed by my lover.

 

Such selfish inhumane bs. These folks wanted out they need to get lost or get real, its if u really want to work this out fine but if not my life is none of your business. Its none of your business if im grouchy depressed happy or whatever. If you were really concerned you'd commit to making it work, anything else is just bs.

 

Just keep it to the kids and nothing else unless u can be guaranteed a serious effort is made to rebuild. All this gray area bs will just make your life a living hell. They move on with someone else while keeping you in a state of limbo where just having a stable mind set is a luxury.

 

Totally not fair and id venture to say its inhumane, selfish and brutal and cruel. IM 9mmoths or so when I was tossed out, moved out june 2nd divorced aug 7th. Heck I was crying again last week, meanwhile shes laughing all the way to the airport looking forward to have hot sex with her lover. And trying to tell me shell give me more time to chill out so we can be on friendly terms? Wtf lady u betrayed me and have turned my whole world upside down, each and every single thing I was accustomed to is gone. Either get serious about rebuilding or butt out.

 

yeah op cut this person out they wanted this separation let them get separated, it stinks , personally I feel its morally wrong but hey its a broken shattered world we live in, and we get wrapped up with twisted individuals that just dont understand how they hurt those around them and do nothing to learn who they hurt and how they do it. As along as they get what they want its all just fine and dandy. forget them and their gray area bs. Gotta protect yourself.

[Shocked Suzie]

Yep they want to dip their toe in and see if it's ok to jump... In the meantime just leave you hanging enough on the hope they will come back and feel the same way as you do. The time will come when you realize that he's probably not worth having in your life anymore anyway, that this new person isn't the person you married and has changed so much that you would no longer connect.

 

... It still hurts as you drift back into the good old days but always remember to drag yourself back to the selfish person that he has now become.