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5 years later and still she breaks NC again


Dmoney28

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Hello Loveshack

 

Bear with me, it has been over a year since i last posted. I guess i just need to vent, but any comment is much appreciated. I’m not going to bore you with the whole story ...you can read past threads if you like. I'll just briefly explain my situation. I wasn’t a good boyfriend. I hurt the one person who meant the most to me. After i quit my dead end job, I became a pot smoking,unemployed, cheating, free loading self-deprecating A hole.

I betrayed the woman who I shared 4 years of my life with.

I was a scum bag, I was that loser you read about in the cheating section of this forum. After she dumped my a sorry *** ( she did the right thing) I did the typical begging and pleading for a second chance. We had light contact for about a year, until she found her new man .After that fell into a self-destructive spiral of drinking and reckless behavior. The lowest point i remember, was lying on the floor of an alcohol and substance abuse center crying and vomiting. I the guilt was crushing, I hated myself for years after what I did to her…..But I survived.

 

My eyes were open to who I was, and the kind of ugly, selfish person I had became. So I set out to fix myself. To try and find a way to change the F’d up person that was me. Went complete NC. Basically lived like a monk for damn near 2 years( yes I was celibate for 2 years). I returned every cent I borrowed from her out of my unemployment check, returned every expensive gift she bought me. I saw a psychologist to address my issues, found religion to reset my moral compass and went back to school. I read many books like “the five language of Apology” and the “the five language of love”.

 

I worked out like a straight BEAST. I traveled for a bit, got a way better job and found myself again. Eventually I started dating, and I’m very proud to say the thought of cheating NEVER came into my head again. But the most important thing I did was left her alone. I finally found a sense of acceptance of that whole ugly ordeal that I caused. But I still wasn’t 100% over her. My heart still clung to every memory

 

Fast forward to Oct of 2011, I get a Facebook request from her after 3 years NC. I posted about that whole situation as well and received a lot of good advice from Loveshack. A week after I receive the request, I thought I was well along in my healing process to reply. I accepted, and sent a simple message, “Hello,how have you been?”. Months passed and not a single reply. I check out her page and see her hyphenated last name….and then pics from her wedding a while back.I starred at the screen for a while……

 

Many thoughts came into my head. First a slight nauseas, she actually marriedthat guy. Second was extreme irritation and Anger…WTF, 3 years NC and you sendme a BS request? So I can see that you are married? I went into my garage, foundour keepsake box of pics, letters, and etc., and trashed them. Honestly I shouldhave dumped that crap years ago. I was more angry than anything else. I alreadykind of figured she was married ….so why the need for this foolish friend request.There was no reason on both our ends to ever contact each other after thatwhole messy break up

 

A month or so passes and its business as usual. I’m at the store grocery shopping. As I turn the corner down the produce aisle I see her mother standing there….I make like I’m going to the bathroom and wait 10 min before I come out. I wasn’t trying to see or talk to this women…(she gave me quite the tongue lashing right after the break up years ago.) As I peak out, she is standing right near the entrance of the bathroom pretending to browse the expired product shelf. I make a B-line for the exit. 3 weeks later as I’m driving to work one day, I see this car pullup to me on the freeway. No big deal right? Except there is a miniature poodle with its head out the window. As I look over, its ***** , the dog we had together, and I can make out a women’s hand holding her…partially out the window….

 

I switch lanes and keep driving. A couple of month after that I get an email from her….a reply to a blog posting from at least a year and a half ago.In the blog I wrote how throughout my life I threw away a lot of good relationship and people. Her reply was one line. “Yes you did”. So I reply “this is true…I was a different person then”…..no reply from her. At this point she is basically a stranger to me, I don’ t know her , I haven’t been around her, I never initiated any contact with her. This is the same women who said, DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN four years ago

 

Now its January 2013..i receive a message from her through Facebook…and no, I didn’t reply…nor will I ever reply,ever. WTH does she want? 4 and half years post breakup…and she feels the need to keep randomly contacting me with these vague non direct messages? I gave her what she wanted, my complete and utter disappearance from her life. There is Zero chance for us to be friends. I stay off Facebook now and focus on my career, family and health. Anyone else experience this kind of crap, this long after a breakup?

 

Here is my warning to all.….Do not read, reply or respond to anything from your Ex’s. I swear they get this sick High from F’ing with our heads.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fixed code, added spacing
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Are you POSITIVE it was your dog? You haven't even seen the dog in years. Lots of dogs look alike. That's a hell of a coincidence. I doubt it was really your dog. I think you're just looking for signs where there aren't any.

 

As for why she makes little snide online comments every now and then? Well, sounds like she still harbors some resentment for you. You hurt her and she never forgave you. She obviously moved on, but there will always be a part of her that holds nothing but anger for you and thanks to the internet, it's easy to stoke those flames of hate any time she wants.

 

I wouldn't read into it as she's still pining for you or anything....hardly takes much effort to look you up every now and then, send you a mean-spirirted comment, and move on with her day. Besides, she's probably enjoying rubbing your face in how happy she is.

 

You have the right idea...delete FB and stay the hell away from "social media." How in the world is anyone supposed to heal when EVERYONE'S private life is constantly on display and only a click away? I never ever joined FB and I swear I never will.

 

Oh and as for being celibate for two whole years? Big deal. A lot of us have gone a lot longer. Getting laid is hard. Harder for some of us than others.

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I agree with FallenHeart. Either delete your facebook profile.. or... if you want to keep your profile for friends, block you ex. She won't be able to see you or even search for you. To her, you won't exist on Facebook. It helps that she will appear to not exist to you as well (just in case you have mutual friends)

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You are playing a very dangerous game.

 

From your writing, it is obvious you still harbour some sort of feelings for her.

From her actions, she harbours some feelings for you.

 

Granted, they may not be good feelings [on her end], but they are there.

You both have SO's.

I think you should do something to stop caring about this woman.

Your guilt can be her way in.

You did give her closure in her own way.

You did more than others would have done, the message 'it is my fault, and what i did to you almost killed me, and i am sorry for hurting you' has gotten through.

So now you have to 'end' it, put her completely out of your mind.

Burn and erase every memory of her, block her on everything, avoid her like the plague.

 

The fact that she is contacting you like this, in my opinion doesn't bode well for her marriage.

The fact that she stayed with an utter loser like you back then for a long period of time, also does not say good things about her [low self-esteem].

So i honestly doubt that everything is fine in their marriage, but their marriage is not your problem.

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first i want to apologize for the format in which my first post came out...i copy and pasted from microsoft word. And thankyou for leaving good comments.

 

to Fallenheart....

As far as the dog....i wasnt sure at first. but it was a lexus like the one she used to drive...and the stretch of freeway was leaving the side of town where her mom lives and where she used to live or still lives, i have no idea. So who knows, it dosent really matter anyway at this point . I'm trying not to read into anything, as i have no desire to have any type of relationship with her..and I'm sure she feels the same way. It seems odd that a person who is married and happy in life needs to "rub it" in another persons face. You're happy, good......why do i need to be aware of that? As for being celibate...if you knew me from 5 years ago, you would understand why that was an achievment for ME. So i wont take offense to that commint. As im sure it wasnt meant to offend

 

to Renard...

done and done..Blocked. I was never really into social media, myspace, facebook, twitter, etc. They all Just kind of seemed like a waste of time to me. I rather concentrate on finshing my CCNP for work,than keeping up with people i rarely see or have real interaction with...but to each his own i guess. I fell off the radar with alot of past people in my life...for years i made myself as non existent to alot of people.

 

to Radu....

i really hope it dosent come off looking like i'm the one playing games..thats is not a good look for me, at this stage of my life. I played that game with her many moons ago...and i lost..i lost bad. Honestly i do harbor some sort of feelings. I'm not sure what type though. Its not really anger...not sadness, just this weird confused feeling. Like i thought all this mess ahd been resolved. They only come up when i get these messages from her. and those are far and few in between. other than that im indiffrent 95% of the time. I'm not sure if i still care for her in that kind of way...i dont know her anymore. She is pretty much the same as a stranger on the street. The memory of her i had, has kinda been diluted over time. Athough they are not completly gone, they are in no way the same as before.

 

I guess i am not comfortable with the fact that there is someone out there still harboring ill feeling for me..so many years later. I'm not that same guy anymore. I try my best not to hurt anyone anymore...espeacilly people i have romantic relationships with. That side of me was so ugly, i promised myself i wouldt be "Him" anymore.

 

I'm going to keep it 100%...looking at the big picture, she made me a better person by dumping me. I never in a millions years thought i would feel that way. And in a sick twisted way i want to tell her..."Thank you for dumping me, thank you for having enough self respect to leave me...thank you for making me better". I know this is selfish of me think..but thats how i feel.

 

I hope i dont come off like a A-hole by saying saying this...and i never thought i would feel this way about her, but i dont owe her **** . I did everything within my power to make amends for hurting her. I feel she is wrong for still contacting me regardless of the reason. I'm sure her husband would agree as well. I wish them both happiness and prosperty in life (no, im not being sarcastic). Now its my turn to be happy again. So many good things have come into my life now. I dont need a random reminder from anyone of how screwed up i was in the past.

 

Thankyou all for the feedback. i trully do appretiate every word you guys typed. Loveshack helped when i was in a bad place 4 years ago. And its nice to come back and visit and read others progress in healing.

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People said what i wanted to. I just want to mention a point, you aren't trying to cope or to live with your guilty, you are successful and you are the man, i need to learn from. Thank you for your experience!

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quite.foolish

This post is refreshing for me. I was a real jerk to someone imporant to me, I felt absoluely awful, and I still feel bad in many ways. I felt/still almost feel like I've broken the most important friendship I'll ever make. It's nice to see you've come through your regrets and found your happiness again. I hope I get there sooner rather than later.. I still have a lot of thoughts about the way I acted and what I've thrown away. Getting through though.. I hope in four years time I'll feel like a completely new person, and be able to come back to LoveShack and say thanks for the help.

 

Shame that you still have to hear from her, I guess the thoughts probably pop up from time to time without actually hearing from her anyway though. I can't imagine what you did, whether it compares to the terrible way I acted, but I can't a all imagine completely forgetting the regrets I've made.

 

Nice job with your successes though man!

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Hello all,

Thank you for the uplifting words about my healing progress. It took alot of hard work to feel good again. But if i can get to this place, anyone can. But you have to WANT to be better. for a long time, i clung to the pain...because the pain was the only connection i had to her. A sick way of keeping her fresh in my mind. But after i forgave myself, i understood that i am a imperfect human, who does and will do imperfect things. But i learned from my mistakes and corrected negative personality traits. It didnt happen over night...it was a long process of become self aware and looking deep inside of myself.

 

For some reason, we all run from pain. Its only natrual. But pain can be a great teacher. Just as the pain of a hot stove taught us at a very young age to respect fire. But pain if used properly can be a tool to correct, to re-set ourselves and put us on the right path in life. Now i have to admit...i took this ideal a little to far. I soaked in the pain, i slept with it, i carried it with me where ever i went. Eventually, the pain became so familiar it was normal. like a scar on your body, or scab. over time it simply faded and faded to the point where it didnt bother me any more

 

This may not be the wisest thing to do, but it worked for me. lol, i hope that made sense.

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cincinnatikid

Dmoney28. I see and read so much of myself in you. I have a quasi similiar situation to you (substance issues and all). Obviously I don't know how much our situations are parallel and I have an idea they may be close. It sounds like you went the same route I have (still) been travelling. It appears you have done so many good things for yourself that it would be a tragedy to give it all up and let this get under your skin and turn you for the worse.

 

Apparently, it looks like your ex still harbors some lingering resentment or some other issues that have begun to rear their head. If I'm you, I feel pity for her husband. What she is doing is nothing short of emotional cheating. Focus on that. It should give you some sort of solace that you've actually dodged a bullet and that someone else is now in a union with a head case and, more to the point, may be completely unaware of her feelings. Could you imagine how pathetic an existence that is? Being married to someone who carries this **** around? You dodged a serious bullet man. Be glad, live life, love what you got. Bottom line, you went through **** and came out on the other side much better off. Kudos to you.

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Hey cincinatikid

 

I think our situations were quite similar. I just woke up one day, and didnt like what i saw in the mirror. With her out of the picture i was still left with the ugliness that was me. I was at a crossroads in my life. Do i Continue my negative behaviour and find myself in the same situation with another women....or accept the reality check . That i was screwed up and broken inside. I had a terrible relationship with my family. I had horrible druggy "friends" and i refused to push myself towards a real career. I needed a good kick in the rear end to open my eyes. And her leaving me was that foot. I really lucked out when i got a job travelling. I was able to really broaden my persona living in diffrent countries. When you see how less fortunate poeple live in other parts of the world, it really opens your eyes to the big picture of life.

 

As for her, i wish the best always. But she is no longer a concern to me. She was on my mind constantly for almost 3 years. I cannot disrespect myself anymore by continuing to do so. I believe she was/is the type of person who needs to be in a relationship in order to feel complete. It was barely a year before she was engaged after we split. There is a big diffrence between companionship and co-dependancy.

 

So i believe it comes down to a basic concept....do i love her more than i love myself.

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hello.

well. to me, my ex is the scumbag boyfriend.

and it hasn't been that long of a time yet, but right now i still don't let go. and i get spurts of anger, when i think of what he put me thru, and how he treated me. and i just get so angry.

 

My ex from 5 years ago. he was my first love. and i always feel the need to reach out to him, because i really loved him a lot. and i was always angry... but when i met my recent ex and moved on completely, i don't have feelings anymore... memories yes, of good times and bad times, but feelings, no. Just memories of feelings. I would love to get back in touch with him, and things he did at the end hurt me, but i'm over that.

 

But with the current ex, not so much. I am so angry and i want to yell at him every chance i get, and i did do that for a while. he is filled with guilt as well, for how he behaved. he said he was going to get therapy too. and he admitted he has issues and this is not the first time he's treated someone as a punching bag.

 

Well. i think, that if more time has passed, and i still had feelings for him, and he fixed himself up, and i STILL had feelings for him, i would be SO pissed off that he didn't try to reconcile with me. I mean if i were single and didn't fall in love with someone else. If he was the man i loved the most, and he straightened up and moved on instead of giving us a shot, i would be so hurt.

 

I mean i dont think she wanted to dump you. but when you're being a grade A jerk to her, what is she suppose to do. you kind of force her hand. She made you take a look at your life. and you changed it.

 

So why did you move on and not try to give it a shot again? Did you apologize to her directly or just indirectly in your blog?

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a reply to a blog posting from at least a year and a half ago.In the blog I wrote how throughout my life I threw away a lot of good relationship and people. Her reply was one line. “Yes you did”. So I reply “this is true…I was a different person then”

 

She looked for a 1.5 year old post. Really? :rolleyes: How old is she? This is what some high school and college-aged students do. Another check for "age means nothing when it comes to pettiness and grudge holding."

 

Good to see you doing well for yourself. Sometimes they do come back - in ways we do not expect. More peace to you and stay in peace. :bunny:

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I was hoping for a sort of ok ending- that you might both get closure or something. Coming from your exes side more than once, I can understand why she is so vindictive. I've been dumped cruelly before too, yet there was no karma and the ex learnt nothing. So I would find it difficult too.

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I have been extremely tempted to treat exes like garbage since the only tome I've been contacted is when they've bragged that they're doing better than me. When I never cheated and was dumped so the ex could play the field. I've found dumpers equally vindictive.

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Hey all, hope all is well.

 

to Sugarkane - it was a ok ending, for me at least. I recieved my closure, 95% anyway. it was a blessing is disguise. I know this might sound corny, but kinda like a pheonix out of the ashes, we have to rebuild ourselves.

 

to hopefulllove - when someone tells you, "Dont ever contact me again, you waisted 4 years of my life" . Thats all i needed to hear to move on. a year prior i begged and pleaded for another chance...i made a fool of myself long enough. dropping letters off, paying back every cent i borrowed, sending apology flowers...oh god and the apology and retribution video on youtube. I did everything humanly possible to prove i was sorry. She moved on a year later, with her new guy, and then married him. After i went on the road to recovery and granted her wish for NC, what else could i do. The ball was not in my court. As the Dumpee...how i could i give it another shot, when she pretty much wrote me off. Would she "give in" after the 235th time of me asking over a 4 and a half year period...probly not. I gave her exactly what she wanted, NC and a chance to develop a new relationship with another man. I wrote at least 3 letters to her expressing sorrow and remorse.

 

Now i dont understand why she read my past blog and chose to email me. No one put a gun to her head and made her read it . No one put a gun to her head and made her send me a facebook friends request. After i replied, saying "hello, how are you", nothing. After i replied "Yes, but im a diffrent person now"...still no reply. I dont know about the rest of you all, but if someone gets married....i think thats a clear sign that they moved on. And after 3 years NC, she descides to break her own NC, while she is married..get the F*** out of hear. Where was this intrest at when i checked into the substance abuse center? Or when i had to take the bus to my psycholgist sessions. Where was this concern when i had to fight back tears on countless interviews...or when i had to take crap jobs just to get by until something better came up. Exactly..she was enjoying married life. All iwanted to hear during those bad time was 3 simple words. "I forgive you". thats all. Not "let give it another try"..not "i still want us to work". Just some acknowledment that she knew that i made a change for the good. Well, i dont need that now. That time has come and gone. I paid the piper for my mishaps. Now i can move on with a clear conscience.

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Thus post makes me sad that you couldn't be friends. After being screwed over in the past I've yet to see Any remorse from an ex or regret. I wonder why they don't have any? Atleast you do. It's been years and this was several years ago. Atleast you actually have regret and remorse.

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I'm surprised usually dumpers don't care at all about us. They seem to get off on hurting dumpees.

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Ex's will occasionally pop up with a nonsense message to get a hook. It's almost like a little hit of sugar, just to make themselves feel good.

 

I got random messages from my ex, I'd reply and there'd be silence for a long time, it does your head in. Finally she sent another ridiculous short message, not even a reply to the previous one, it was like oh I just feel like writing today, lets see how he jumps. I jumped alright, told her to do one.

 

Thing is you can't be friends then don't be. If something is a negative influence in your life then remove it and move forward.

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i guess some people just hold on to stuff for a really really really long time, and it doesnt become anything to do with you anymore, it's just them...

some people just can't forgive or forget no matter how long.

 

i just contacted my ex from 5 years ago. he dumped me. but he said i broke his heart. but i'm pretty sure he broke my heart when he dumped me.... there was no infidelity or anything of that sort, i was upset and very emotional and dumped on him a little bit, i didnt feel he was there for me, so i spazzed at him and said some mean things. I did contact him here and there because I care about him, he was my first love. Well we chatted a bit, and he throws in daggers in there here and there at me. He's not over it. I mean i cried for 4 years straight after we broke up, I only moved on when i met my most current ex. So i moved on, but he hadn't. I can't do anything about it. As long as you have moved on, that's all that matters.

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What made you change? What made you regret it? I haven't known a jerk to actually change or ever regret it.

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Forever Learning
Hello Loveshack

 

Anyone else experience this kind of crap, this long after a breakup?

 

 

Hello Dmoney! :D

 

I haven't read anyone else's post on this thread. I didn't want to be influenced by their responses. Also, I haven't read any of your past posts you mentioned you posted from a year ago (at least I don't think I've ever read them).

 

So what I wanted to say regarding your situation is, I think this is not all that unusual behavior from her. I think she is just beginning to heal from what happened with you guys. Maybe she pushed it all down and never thought about it, until recently, when she felt safe enough in life to do so.

 

She still thinks about you, that's why she friended you on Facebook. Not necessarily to be 'friends', but to see what you were up to. To see what you are doing in life, and see what you've become. To see if you are still that same douchebag you were, or if you went on to become something else, something better. Or something worse. Just to see what you had become.

 

Her friending you to see you on Facebook, that was out of curiousity, not friendship.

 

She didn't reply to your brief 'hello' reply message on Facebook, in response to her friending you, for various reasons,-

 

maybe one is because she is married, and wanted to be able to say to her husband, at any given time, with clear conscience, that she had not been communicating with any men behind his back, particularly any prior boyfriends.

 

Her mother at the supermarket is inconsequential to any of this.

 

So is the happenstance that she saw you on the road (if she saw you) with the drive by dog. If anything, it was a whim, not necessarily meant to harm you. Is she spiteful by nature? If not, she was just driving the same direction as you, and you saw the dog doing his 'head in the wind' thing. I see that alot around here. Otherwise, she was driving the same direction as you, saw you, put the dog out the window so you could see the dog, on a whim, without thinking much about it. For sh*ts and giggles, as they say.

 

Her response to a 1 1/2 year old blog of yours, is part of her healing. She may also be reaching out to you. But she is married now. Maybe unhappily, maybe happily. Nevertheless, she is married. Yet, she still feels an ache in her heart about how you heart her, maybe just a little ache. So, she took it upon her self to respond to your old blog about how you were destructive in life in the past. She's allowed that, don't you think? If it makes her feel better, and is part of her healing, well good for her. No biggie.

 

You could respond to her comment if you choose, apologize once again for the pain you caused her, wish her well in life and her marriage (showing you know she is married), and go about your merry way. Or ignore her.

 

You don't owe her anything, you are one of the good guys, because you are not stalking her and are leaving her alone. That means you are a true good guy. I have alot of respect for you for maintaining no contact with her, and not stalking her (too many stalkers nowadays, too many dysfunctional people).

 

It sounds like you possess integrity. Good job! :)

 

I have a feeling her marriage is not 100% solid (is any marriage 100% solid anyway?). But she is off limits while married (if for no other reason, that would be a lot of pain for everyone involved, particularly YOU).

 

Should she ever be single again, she might make a real effort to contact you. I think she still holds a place in her heart for you, even though you really hurt her. Not that you would ever even consider any reconciliation or friendship, or that you should. That is always your call entirely, depending how you see fit and what stage you are in, in life. No contact is usually best, but some folks can maintain a simple friendship over the years, I have gone both ways with old boyfriends. So that's my 2 cents on your situation. Cheers love! :D

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Hello Forever Learning,

 

I hope rhe format isnt screwed up. Thank you for taking the time to post . Your insight is most valued. What you wrote made a lot of sense actually. But is 5 years is a long time to "begin" to heal?

I know it was emotionally tragic...and i knew she was a real emotional person. Everyone has their own timeline regarding healing and moving on. One person might be emotionally healed in several months, while other takes years to reach that point. I'm not in a position to judge whether she is healed or not. Honestly i hope she is healed. I know i hurt her deeply, and i truly was happy (eventually) that she found someone.

I know not everyone is religious, and i am not a huge fan of organized religion. But when i attended a bible study years ago, the speaker read from the book of Corinthians Ch 13. This book went over the qualities and attributes of Love. Love is kind, long suffering...does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interest. Wow, that opened my eyes. All those years i said i loved her...told her i loved her, but my actions proved otherwise. My behavior was the exact opposite. I finally came to terms of what being in a loving relationship really was.

When i say i thought about her all day every day for years, i am not being overly dramatic. During light contact I carried her memory everywhere. I would cry out of nowhere if i heard any music relating to break-ups or love when i tried shopping for groceries. I would walk for miles, with no destination....playing out every scenario possible. "What if she comes back".. "she isn’t going to through away 4 years together”. ”She really loves me". I'd sit by my cell phone waiting for any txt or call from her. I would send her "progress reports" of my psychology sessions. I would tell her about my group therapy in AA. I read so many of those crap "how to get your lover back" books. Or those B.S YouTube video's on how to get your ex back.

 

False hope kept me going, false hope motivated me to get up in the morning and dried my tears before bed. I made gifts for her, and sent her music. Sent flowers with apology notes. I sat through conversations with her about the Raiders NFL wide receiver that took her to the USC game. I sat in my room in isolation looking at her Facebook and MySpace pics. I even sent her parents an apology letter for hurting their daughter. This went on for a year or so until I went to meet a good friend at a restaurant for diner. As i went walked to the bathroom...i saw her sitting there.... with her new boyfriend and his mother as well. She gave me this look that cut me down to the size of a mouse. I just left. I drove home with tears in my eyes. My friend blowing my phone up, asking why i left. That night, i drank until i blacked out. I relapsed. I broke my AA oath.

 

I was never the same after that break up. I had no self-esteem at that point. I went into complete solitude. Years later i emerged a new man. I had a new career path...i worked out so much and later entered an amateur fitness contest in san Diego. I went back to my Muay Thai camp and competed in amateur bouts in Hawaii and Guam. I took up Brazilian Jujitsu while in Everett Washington and had a blast. I partied like a true Boss at many VIP spots in Miami, Honolulu and San Diego. I finally found me again. I don’t say these things to "stick out my chest" I say these things because i FINALLY came out of that really bad place, and I’m FINALLY better, I’m Finally seeing the fruits of my labor. I finally have this clear perception of life. I know what i want, and i know how to get it

 

This is 2013. I feel slightly insulted that after all this time, after i lowered my wall to respond to several messages after 3 years NC...i get nothing. No response. Not even a "Hello". I get vague and encrypted mixed signals from her. Really….5 years later and still this nonsense. As a matter of fact, i got another email this past super bowl weekend. I didn’t even have to open it...it seemed like another attempt to get a response. I'm sorry, I will not play this game anymore. I didn’t respond. I'm not that pathetic doormat anymore. I'm not that weak little man that worshipped any contact she bestowed upon me. I'm a grown @$$ man, with goals and a drive that will be stopped by no one.

 

As far has her marriage is concern. That’s none of my business. If it isn’t working out, that’s a choice she has to live with. I know i wasn’t the best person while i was with her. But i don’t deserve these breadcrumbs. Or whatever the hell you want to call these messages she doesn’t reply to. For God sake, were both adults? If you want to know how i am doing in life, just can just ask. I thank you for your input, as it sheds new light on the subject. But honestly, too much time has passed for me to still hold on to that false hope.

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I'm surprised usually dumpers don't care at all about us. They seem to get off on hurting dumpees.

 

Can you please explain this?

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What made you change? What made you regret it? I haven't known a jerk to actually change or ever regret it.

 

And even more please explain this.

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Hello sugarkane...are you directing those questions to me?

 

if so i can answer..if not please disregard, lol.

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugarkane viewpost.gif

What made you change? What made you regret it? I haven't known a jerk to actually change or ever regret it.

I changed because i didnt like the person i was. I didnt take life seriously, i didnt treat my loved ones and friends with respect. I didnt value any relationships i had, be that of my family, friends...or her. I tried to change for her..letting her know that i was doing it for her. But she didnt care...as anyone wouldnt care that had been cheated on. So i totally understand her for this reaction.

I felt real regretd after seeing her break down so many time during LC. We would talk on the phone..everything would be fine for awhile. Then she would start crying, and and tell me how she couldnt believe i did this . How i broke her heart. I felt i needed to be her sounding board for her emotions. I sat through many conversations like this...for her to get it all out. i assured her it wasnt her..it was me. I broke us. That i needed help, and i was a sick person. And i was persuing help in the form of a psychologist, group therapy and AA.

I couldnt look in the mirror and be happy with what i saw. I developed a self hating complex. i hid myself away in my room. I didnt want to be around people. This lasted for a couple of years.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugarkane viewpost.gif

I'm surprised usually dumpers don't care at all about us. They seem to get off on hurting dumpees.

I have no idea what goes on inside the head of some people. I'm not psychologist or a therapist. Was she breaking Contact to see how im doing out of curiosity? Did she break contact to see if she still had a effect on me? i have no idea why ex's state they want no contact..then break it later.

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