The Grass is NEVER greener, but let them learn the hard way.

[Dante311]

So, you clicked my thread. Do you remember where you were when it happened? Write the location, her name, and the time (if you recall it) on a piece of paper. Go into your yard. Dig a 1 foot hole. Bury the paper. Cover it. Cry your eyes out one last time. No go indoors. Look at yourself. You're amazing. See it. Know it. Love it.

 

You had confidence until the very end. That's good.

 

I can't say I'm an expert in love, but I've had my fair share of heartbreak. It's never easy. Life is changes... every day. One second, you've got it made. The next, you're down in the dumps. The best part, is being able to experience it. With or without someone there shouldn't matter. That's one of the most important points I will address. It's about you - always has been. The confidence in your relationship will not radiate from your partner, but on a playing field matched by their feelings for you. You cannot be co-dependent on their confidence to find your own. Sometimes, they may wonder what the grass is like on the other side of the mountain. You cannot allow these emotions to encumber your heart and cling to them like velcro.

 

Sometimes, the thought of knowing WHY they believe the grass is greener is not for us to know, nor should you want to know. Only understand their fault in questioning becomes your strength. Why should you have to tolerate someone straying to other pastures, especially if you truly believe you are the greenest. You cannot try to convince them of such, they'll only stay in the other fields for a longer period.

 

What can you do?

 

Focus on you. Remember why THEY were drawn to you in the first place. There is no "ONE" person.. there are many "ONE" persons with whom you will fall head over heels... enough to endure heartbreak, cry over the torment and agony of the love you thought you shared, and pick yourself back up and move on to the next man or woman who will break your heart (be it through the end of a relationship or til death do you part... although the latter is a nicer thought, imagining a life together of trust, love, compassion, lust, and above all else... companionship met on a level battleground).

 

It is through your self-worth and confidence that your pastures will remain lush and green. If you won't graze in your own field, why do you expect another to?

 

I believe a relationship is enduring hardship together, and moving forward with compromise... but never stop caring about yourself. Never cease taking the time to remember why your pastures are green. It doesn't mean to neglect your partner/family, but gives you the chance to be the best man or woman you can be for YOURSELF. NOT to change for your partner, but to change for yourself b/c you care enough about your partner - if you so will it.

 

I love you all.

 

Yes, I'm enduring a rocky part of a relationship at only 1 year, but with G-d's help, I'll move past it with her... and she will always know how amazing I am as I know she is for me. We've gotten through so much together.. and G-d is my witness, I want to continue doing so until my death bed.

 

And I believe she does recognize how great I am to her without sacrificing my own self worth.

 

Look me up from 3 years ago, I learned a lot in the 3 years. After an abusive relationship...

 

 

keep your chin up!

[MyAngel]

Thank you.

[Zammo25]

I hate to tell you this but for some ex's the grass is much much geener for them.

[Gingerxr2]

I hate to tell you this but for some ex's the grass is much much geener for them.

 

This is very true , but then they weren't right for you as hard as that is .

[fallenheart]

The grass is never greener? Really? Kind of a surprise to me.

 

My ex left me and married someone else and she's as happy as a princess in a fairy tale.

 

All she "learned" is that I was not good enough for her, but this guy IS.

 

Your logic is severely flawed. When someone dumps you, it's cause you're not good enough, and they are leaving your sorry ass. Lie to yourself all you want, but that's the way it is and always will be.

[lemonlegs]

The grass is never greener? Really? Kind of a surprise to me.

 

My ex left me and married someone else and she's as happy as a princess in a fairy tale.

 

All she "learned" is that I was not good enough for her, but this guy IS.

 

Your logic is severely flawed. When someone dumps you, it's cause you're not good enough, and they are leaving your sorry ass. Lie to yourself all you want, but that's the way it is and always will be.

 

That's a very bleak way of looking at things. If someone leaves someone solely based on the "fact" that they think they're better than their partner, then they're an a**hole.

 

Furthermore, you're suggesting that because my boyfriend's ex dumped him, she is better than both of us... because she didn't want to be with him anymore. I am fairly sure that's not the case.

 

People break up for several reasons, but I can be damn sure that anyone who thinks they're "better" than someone, they're a douchebag.

 

I'm a female and broke up with my last boyfriend, FYI, and I didn't break up with him because I thought I was better than him. I broke up with him because I wasn't overly attracted to him and we were just two different people. He had qualities that I didn't want in a boyfriend. Does that lower his worth as a person? Um, no.

[fallenheart]

You can dress it up in friendly, flowery words if you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you looked at him and decided he wasn't good enough to be with or invest anymore time in, so you dumped him. End of story.

 

He wasn't good enough.

[Zammo25]

The grass is never greener? Really? Kind of a surprise to me.

 

My ex left me and married someone else and she's as happy as a princess in a fairy tale.

 

All she "learned" is that I was not good enough for her, but this guy IS.

 

Your logic is severely flawed. When someone dumps you, it's cause you're not good enough, and they are leaving your sorry ass. Lie to yourself all you want, but that's the way it is and always will be.

 

Absolutely spot on fallenheart. My ex moved onto a great guy immediately and is as happy as a Pig in sh*t 6 months on introducing him to all her friends and family. This is because she had a long hard look at me and decided I was not good enough and put in no fight to save the relationship. The new guy is better than me in everyway. That is fact. All this airy fairy, the grass is not greener, is just people deluding themselves of the facts staring them in the face.

[dumPI]

I'd say the problem is not the grass BEING greener or not. The problem is the grass LOOKING greener to them.

 

In a relationship with no problems, people leave cause they feel they can do better, they feel they deserve better. It's just a matter of feelings (and that somehow depresses me).

 

How could a grass you've been used to see for some years ever compare to a new grass which catches your attention? Logically, you know everything about the older grass, pros & cons, etc. But the new one is shiny and looks promising although you don't know anything about it (but that's infatuation playing its role).

 

So it may or maybe not be greener. And even being less green doesn't mean the ex is less infatuated.

[SuperGeek]

My ex grew tired of my grass not being green enough (compared to some newly discovered greener grass down the road). She moved to the new patch of grass very abruptly contrary to having a great life on my patch of grass. My attempts at trying to apply extra fertilizer and food to my grass to make it greener didn't help.

 

She cultivated and lived on that new fresh green grass for about 8 months, feeding it often, and working extra hard to make sure that green grass stayed green. The interesting thing about this new grass she picked was it wasn't really green naturally, but painted green to fool unsuspecting females into moving over to their patch of grass temporarily to reap said physical benefits.

 

Unfortunately, her new choice in green grass didn't agree with her being there for reasons unknown, and decided to uproot itself and move to a different part of town. Now the ex is sitting on dirt with no grass. In a panic, the ex attempted to find some grass again and set out on a journey to move back to my grass.

 

The ex upon arriving at the entry of my grass noticed a nice new shiny wall with an auto-targeting AntiEx defense system gun placed at the front. The AntiEx defense system blocks and eliminates painful dangerous ex-girlfriends from re-entering the grass as a protection mechanism. My grass nearly died after she left the first time, so this time I've put up defenses and i am no longer dependent on her for my grass to shine green.

 

My grass (despite the heat right now) is growing greener each day and will permit a new woman to enter at some point provided she passes my field entry test, is genuine, honest, interested in commitment and not fooled by fake painted green grass.

 

Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side, but moving to a new set of grass can be risky. Make your decisions wisely, as some decisions can't be reversed.

 

I wish her well and hope she has found a new patch of grass, though I am ignorant of any recent events in her life. I prefer to remain uninformed and choose to spend my time keeping my grass green and seeking out a new woman to occupy my grass again one day.

 

SuperGeek

Edited January 15, 2013 by SuperGeek

[Renard99]

Have those using the phrase 'not good enough' ever thought that 'not right for you' may apply........... and before you say anything, it's not dressing it up in flowery language, there can be a big difference.

 

As we grow older our ideas, goals and tastes change.

 

I became 'not right' for my ex. She started out as a shy and introverted person and that was fine for the two of us. We both prefered the quiet life. However, as she got more life experience, she grew and so did her tastes. She became more out going. It was only a very small change but it was enough for us to not be 'right' for each other anymore. She's now with a guy who's a big tattooed brute who's much more outgoing..... however, I don't look at him and say "well she left my skinny a** that likes to beat the hell out of a drum kit, for a beefed up bruiser that likes to be beat the hell out of other people's faces.....I must be inferior". I just think that I'm just not that guy and never will be. Don't want to be either.

 

I'm now with a woman who plays guitar to compliment my drums, who likes to spend evenings curled up on the sofa and generally likes to do the things that I do. Now these things are 'right' for me. If the situation were ever to change then it may be 'not right' but for now everything is going great and is therefore 'right'.

 

I appreciate that you almost certainly will disagree with that. You're down and have labelled yourselves as inferior and we aren't going to change that, but at least see that it really is just a matter of perspective. I'm a rock music loving computer geek who's tall, skinny, pale, with a rapidly receeding hairline at the age of 29 and a low paid dead end job. So when I compare myself to Brad Pitt...... I suck big time. However, amongst the people I have around me, who matter to me the most, they are musicians, computer geeks, video game players..... I'm normal and most importantly, equal.

[Mint Sauce]

surely there is some kind of hierarchy, from the well-raised, gifted and beautiful people with a balanced personality down to the untalented, lazy, train wrecks. BUT, some relationship across "leagues" work very well, while some within a league fail. It's all about desires and expectations, and these are very individual. I have friends who could do "better" than the partner they have, but they are supremely happy with their current partner, they have a vast history together, and I'm confident the marriage will last.

[Zammo25]

I know now I will never find " the one " too much going against me now. It hurts like hell Mr Perfect swept into her life and into her bed. This guy is too good to be true and can give her everything I cannot. It sucks and I feel like my self worth and self esteem is at a critical low now on a life support machine. All I can do is wish her well, which I have done and suck it up and try and live life one day at a time but all hope is gone now. Just existing for no real reason anymore.

 

Grass isn't Greener ? Rubbish.

[Zammo25]

You can dress it up in friendly, flowery words if you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you looked at him and decided he wasn't good enough to be with or invest anymore time in, so you dumped him. End of story.

 

He wasn't good enough.

 

Nail on Head.

[RogerWallace111]

Ya'll are trippin on both ends.

 

OP - the "grass" can be "greener". It doesn't mean that one person is "better" than the other, but that they can be correct in thinking they can find someone more attractive to them, suitable to their needs, inline with their self-image, or whatever.

 

People saying "Yep, we're losers, now he/she is happy, I'm inferior"... Come on, that **** sounds pathetic. There are many different levels on which one's "quality" as a person can be judged, and though it's basically all arbitrary, let's take a look... To put them into three simple groups, let's call them personality, physical appearance, and societal standing (as far as job/financial success). IMO the only one that really means something is personality. Say you have a confident, sweet, loving girl who has a great sense of humor, makes everyone in her life feel great, but isn't too cute and works at the drive-thru. Is she "inferior" to the educated, handsome guy working at a huge law firm who has enough personality to pull some tail but is otherwise a kind of a surface-level, boring guy ? It's ALL about how happy you are with yourself. That's why girls will leave guys (or vice versa) who they consider not "in their league", and the moment they see that the person is content with who they are and thus is doing "fine", will often come back. Obviously one person's self-sufficiency an confidence aren't enough to keep two incompatible people together, but my point is that a strong-feeling of self worth makes the whole discussion we're having on this thread a null point. Even the lazy, broke, "unsuccessful" guy, if truly happy and content with himself, isn't gonna be worrying about if he's a "loser" compared to his girlfriend's next boyfriend, when she bounces on him thinking she could "do better".

 

Anyway, in my one long term relationship, I've been on both ends. A few years in, I broke up with her, because yes, I thought the "grass was greener"... Her nagging was wearing on me, friends were constantly telling me I could "do better", and I started to think "this girl's kind of boring me, her taste in everything is far from unique, she loves my humor but where's hers?" She was beautiful so looks had nothing to do with it. But, we slowly got back together, as she was one of my best friends and living without the comfort she provided me was frightening. A year later, and after me being brutally honest that I didn't see myself marrying her, she ended it. She had always expressed a desire to have a settled little family life relatively early, as she had no other interests/goals to pursue. Does that mean, since I was the one dumped, that I should consider myself inferior ? Or that any following guys are "greener grass" than me ? F*ck no. Nor do I feel that she was inferior to me because she was too "normal" and I'm starting to meet girls that seem more my "type". We were just two people with differing needs. I'm kind of an eccentric freak, she's kind of a classic smalltown girl. I know that the life I lead and things I'm into are more fun for me, but I don't think it makes me "better" than her. Months later, there are times I still feel a DEEP longing for her. And the same probably goes for her. But maybe I'm just lucky to have been in a relationship where, though I may have felt "GIGS", at least in hindsight, I can clearly see us as two equal, just different people.

Edited January 15, 2013 by RogerWallace111

[Blastoplast]

The grass is never greener? Really? Kind of a surprise to me.

 

My ex left me and married someone else and she's as happy as a princess in a fairy tale.

 

All she "learned" is that I was not good enough for her, but this guy IS.

 

Your logic is severely flawed. When someone dumps you, it's cause you're not good enough, and they are leaving your sorry ass. Lie to yourself all you want, but that's the way it is and always will be.

 

My EX dumped me because I was too good to her.

[health]

The grass is never greener? Really? Kind of a surprise to me.

 

My ex left me and married someone else and she's as happy as a princess in a fairy tale.

 

All she "learned" is that I was not good enough for her, but this guy IS.

 

Your logic is severely flawed. When someone dumps you, it's cause you're not good enough, and they are leaving your sorry ass. Lie to yourself all you want, but that's the way it is and always will be.

 

Interesting. Comparisons breed insecurity. When I read tis statement it kinda freaked me out. Oh well, that's not how I think.

 

Relationshisps die, they have their place some longer some shorter. Some people are incompatible. You're right in the sese that some people are more compatible. Rebounds are almost always bad idea though. Rarely do they last, and when they do - good on them. It's hard work for any relationship to last long term.

[health]

My ex practically left me for another guy. Was it greener?

 

She now...

- Is on welfare

- claims she's happier with him, but got put on Anti-deppresants - she was never on that with me

- she gained weight

- the guy she's with is an alcoholic and pothead

- they get kicked out of everywhere they move etc etc

- she is isolated and doesn't socialize with anyone but her guy

- I heard through the grapevine she's very angry at me still - so she did no healing

 

I made my life tonnes beter, went to Europe, New York, La, had several flings, got a full paid scholorship for College. Botomline, life is what you make it

[truth_seeker]

The conclusion is we break up with people because they are ultimately not good enough for us?

[M30USA]

Some people break up with others because they have no choice--whether due to abuse or a million other reasons. Relationships are too complicated for generalities on this subject.

[Renard99]

Nail on Head.

 

 

The funny thing is, the more you think it, the more you become it.

 

And, surely, everyone here that has ever been left by somebody is inferior? Every ex that has gone to eventually be with someone else has surely chosen the new person because they are, in your words, 'better' than that which they saw in the previous relationship?

And also going by your example, we should all now give up as there will always be someone better.

 

I see that as letting your ex win over you mentally. You're letting her change you even when she's no longer with you. You're beaten into submission by a single thought. Surely that deserves rallying against?

[Zammo25]

The new Mr Perfect is better than me though in every single way possible so I have just had to accept it and take it on the chin. The ex is far better off with him, she knows this, I know this. I cannot compete on any level.

[Renard99]

You don't know he's a better person. You're making assumptions based on what you can see from a distance rather than solid facts (and don't say you know everything. You're not there with them 24 hours a day and you're certainly not in their heads)

 

Eva Braun fell in love with Hitler who had power and money but that certainly doesn't make him a 'better' person.

 

Rihanna fell in love with Chris Brown who has a singing career, looks, money, popularity but the black eye on Rihanna's face showed that he's not a 'better' person.

 

I could go on with many examples of people who seemed to have it all but they still turned out flawed in many ways......... How do you know what goes on in his head, or behind closed doors? And, more importantly, why does it matter.

 

And another thing, what does job, money and good looks have to do with love? They may have an affect on attraction or lust but not love. A perfect example for you is a program here in the UK called the undateables. It's reality TV show about people who have severe disabilities trying to find dates and ultimately love. They don't have money, they don't have the fancy jobs, fancy cars and on top of that they also suffer from some fairly severe diasabilities, some of which are disfiguring.......... yet they still manage to get dates and even find love. They are brave people who are just themselves. They are accepted for who they are.

 

........Instead of putting yourself at the bottom of the pile in life you need to accept you are who you are and that there are people out there who will love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

 

Like I said before, we've all been left at some point and the exs have all moved on to someone new, meaning, we're all inferior........ which surely makes us all equal?

[Zammo25]

You don't know he's a better person. You're making assumptions based on what you can see from a distance rather than solid facts (and don't say you know everything. You're not there with them 24 hours a day and you're certainly not in their heads)

 

Eva Braun fell in love with Hitler who had power and money but that certainly doesn't make him a 'better' person.

 

Rihanna fell in love with Chris Brown who has a singing career, looks, money, popularity but the black eye on Rihanna's face showed that he's not a 'better' person.

 

I could go on with many examples of people who seemed to have it all but they still turned out flawed in many ways......... How do you know what goes on in his head, or behind closed doors? And, more importantly, why does it matter.

 

And another thing, what does job, money and good looks have to do with love? They may have an affect on attraction or lust but not love. A perfect example for you is a program here in the UK called the undateables. It's reality TV show about people who have severe disabilities trying to find dates and ultimately love. They don't have money, they don't have the fancy jobs, fancy cars and on top of that they also suffer from some fairly severe diasabilities, some of which are disfiguring.......... yet they still manage to get dates and even find love. They are brave people who are just themselves. They are accepted for who they are.

 

........Instead of putting yourself at the bottom of the pile in life you need to accept you are who you are and that there are people out there who will love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

 

Like I said before, we've all been left at some point and the exs have all moved on to someone new, meaning, we're all inferior........ which surely makes us all equal?

 

It is not in my mind it is a FACT.

[heartshapedrocks]

I like to think my karmic contract ran its course with my ex.

Grass had nothing to do with it.

Smoke em if you got em though.