Having a hard time coping...he keeps giving me little bits of hope.

[Javabear]

I have been having an especially hard time coping with my breakup these last few days. I think being at home and not at school is making it hard because my parents are going through a divorce and my ex has been at my house over the holidays for the last 3 years.

 

I'm having a hard time letting go for a number of reasons...

 

1. He was reluctant about the breakup and admitted to regretting his decision the first week. But, he had feelings for another girl and I guess he thought the two of them might have something.

 

2. He and the new girl are not dating and from what I understand she's not that into him.

 

3. He never came to get his stuff (TV, kitchen supplies, games etc.) from my place so after 2.5 months of being broken up I packed it all up and brought it to him in an effort to move on.

 

4. When we broke up he told me he would always love me, I am an incredible, beautiful, kind person (if he thought that, why did he leave?!) etc.

 

5. He texted me the other day to wish me good luck on a test I was taking which he helped me study for over the summer.

 

I miss him everyday, but I know that as long as he's not beating down my door asking for me back, it's not worth my time to think about him. But I can't help it. I just can't believe that he's over it and moved on when there are so many little instances showing that he still cares. My birthday is next week and although I'm not expecting him to say anything, he probably will and I don't want to get my hopes up... but I know that even though I'm feeling much stronger, I still love him and want him to realize that I was the best thing that ever happened in his life. I know first loves don't usually work out, but I feel so invalidated because of the way he seemingly let me go so effortlessly. Maybe there's more here than meets the eye? I hate missing him when he clearly doesn't miss me.