Worried about the health of ex.

[mike5770]

Saw a video of my ex doing a choir concert. I have not seen her since July when we went to Las Vegas together. She lives long distance primary reason I believe she broke up with me. I saw a video of her doing a concert yesterday at her church on facebook and was horrified at her weight gain. I have known her since high school 20 years ago she has always been slim and was a nutritionist. In our last conversation before NC she told me she was stress eating. In the video it was at first hard for me to recognize her I had to pull out photos and saw her necklace was the same. I guess she is at least 30 to 40 pounds heavier in a five month period. I feel guilty she is in a terrible situation of three children, no job, and a cheating non support paying ex husband. She gets by on government assistance and charity from friends/church. I took her to Las Vegas and treated her like a princess but I had to go home to Philadelphia and her to NC. She told me she cried on the plane and drive home. I don't want to break NC but I still feel worried and responsible for her. She probably wont even return my call. I now know why she didnt want to see me as she would be very sensiive to her weight gain.

[mistakesmakeyouwhat]

Saw a video of my ex doing a choir concert. I have not seen her since July when we went to Las Vegas together. She lives long distance primary reason I believe she broke up with me. I saw a video of her doing a concert yesterday at her church on facebook and was horrified at her weight gain. I have known her since high school 20 years ago she has always been slim and was a nutritionist. In our last conversation before NC she told me she was stress eating. In the video it was at first hard for me to recognize her I had to pull out photos and saw her necklace was the same. I guess she is at least 30 to 40 pounds heavier in a five month period. I feel guilty she is in a terrible situation of three children, no job, and a cheating non support paying ex husband. She gets by on government assistance and charity from friends/church. I took her to Las Vegas and treated her like a princess but I had to go home to Philadelphia and her to NC. She told me she cried on the plane and drive home. I don't want to break NC but I still feel worried and responsible for her. She probably wont even return my call. I now know why she didnt want to see me as she would be very sensiive to her weight gain.

Oooh. Breaking up can have that effect on people. When I broke up with my ex of 3 years, I became clinically diagnosed with depression, etc. Until I found friends and family who truly cared about me. It depends on the personality.

[Mr Scorpio]

I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting. I've never had to deal with a LDR before. I can imagine that it would make it harder to achieve resolution. However, I don't think that this:

 

Saw a video of my ex doing a choir concert. I have not seen her since July when we went to Las Vegas together. She lives long distance primary reason I believe she broke up with me.

 

Adds up with this...

 

I don't want to break NC but I still feel worried and responsible for her. She probably wont even return my call. I now know why she didnt want to see me as she would be very sensiive to her weight gain.

 

It is natural to feel compassion towards a person you care about. However, it is not natural to feel guilt over the decisions and actions of others. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound as though there is much you can do to help this person at this point in time.

[mike5770]

Thank you for the replies. You are right I am not putting the food in her mouth I have to only focus on what I can control. I did the best I could to show her I loved her and if she wanted to continue dating I was open to the possibility of relocating to her town. I did everything I could without smothering her to show her I care. I do miss her everyday but breaking NC will be non productive for me at this point. I will pray she finds the right path.

[Sugarkane]

You must be a nice guy because I had depression and struggled so bad after my breakup, yet my ex never once asked about me. I guess he never cared at all. I think she needs to seek help herself. You can't help someone who doesn't want it.