not too impressed really

[coans]

This has been a five month (to the day I think) marathon of trying to move on while the ex seems to have just ended the six year relationship..moved on to a boat (in July) the night of the break up (yeah, we had a boat..operative word is we..cause now it is just he has a boat) and managed to negotiate the rest of it without much difficulty...I mean he didn't have to see me, talk to me or whatever but he also managed to do way better than me in every way..yeah, hooked up with a woman who mostly was just hanging around bars and boats but she is 20 years younger than me..is now his new girlfriend (it started up about say one week after the split)..but he is not some kind of pick up artist (or is he) but I just knew she would go after him as she had been a thorn in my side all spring and summer. Anyway, five months later its christmastime and they are invited to the parties I used to go to, with the people I called friends.. . Anyway, it all seems to me like he has just landed on his feet living large with the new girlfriend who was actually a friend earlier on (although I honestly did not trust her and had a weird sense that she was trouble)..anyway..I know it does no good to think about what "they" are doing..and which holiday parties they will show up as .. as a couple with all our friends who almost don't seem to want to address the changing of the guard. It is uncanny to me how friends just are mainly "deer in the headlights" useless when it comes to these things. they just, for the most part, don't want to stand up for you ..but will go along with the status quo. I probably would do the same though...what do you do? you just opt to sit home and watch christmas shows while the ex is off with the new squeeze. But, like I said...I am not too impressed with his choice. I thought he might at least dump me for a classy broad...not a dumb groupie who we call schooner chicks...just following the boat owner to wherever he is going. Life would have gone well over six years if I was more in awe of this man..but I am not built that way. I went through all of my journals from the years in the relationship and finally realized today that it actually was for the best I guess that it ended cause I was really not being treated well..or let's just say...he was mean at times. very mean. this woman he is with now may think she has signed on for this great life with him..but what she may not realize is that even if she does start to feel like it is her life and she might enjoy it..he will have the uncanny ability of being very charming to everyone about her..but he won't let her enjoy herself, feel good about what she has done, take credit for any of it..he will take advantage of her skills to his own advantage. after six years of writing in a journal while in a relationship I think he really is, as someone suggested, a tad bit of a narcissist..and that I believe is just impossible to handle for the most part. I don't know but I do wonder .. today...finally after months of crying, pain, sorrow, missing him, sadness..I wonder if maybe I can be myself again..whoever that is!