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Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 17th November 2012, 6:49 AM   #16
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Hi Yorick.
I think the first step you need to take is to calm down, a lot. You have to be calm and you have to be mentally prepared for what she may or may not tell you. If you thunder in, demanding to know you might not be able to cope with with what she has to say. Deep breaths. Of course there is a chance that this child is yours, there is no getting away from that, and like you said yourself, you wont be able to push this to the back of your mind. You are either the father, or you are not, and you need to be able to handle both of those answers. Goodluck!
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Old 17th November 2012, 10:49 AM   #17
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YB,

This happened to my son when he was in his last year of high school. He and his XGF were broken up and she was dating other guys. She called him up to tell him she was pregnant.

After the baby was born, they had a DNA test done. It was his baby! Although they didn't want to marry each other, they both wanted to be good parents.

We had to pay for a lawyer to legalize everything, as she had put on the birth certificate "father unknown". So, the burden of proof was on us in order for my son to have paternal rights in our state! A new birth certificate was issued after the DNA tests results came back. My son also paid her child support while his son was growing up.

They both(and us) were there throughout his growing up. He is almost grown now and really respects how everyone pulled together for his benefit!

P.S. If the girl refuses to take a DNA test, you will have to hire a lawyer, and they will make her take one.
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Old 17th November 2012, 11:11 AM   #18
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The only other option I see here is for you to wait it out.... If you aren't going to be assertive. Eventually someone will call you and say 'Dude, this baby looks like you spit him/her out!' OR 'Dude, there's no wayyyy it looks like yours'. (usually the 1st child if it's a girl will look more like her father, if its a boy will favor the mother, IMO) But we know this is still no foolproof way of knowing.... AND this would be a cop out on your part....

Honestly, I don't know what else to tell ya, besides put all the other plans you had for yourself on hold and get busy trying to get to the bottom of this. Hey you never know, it may NOT be yours and you can go on with your life as planned. But at least you'll know, you did the right thing from the git go and no one can call you a deadbeat...
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Old 17th November 2012, 11:44 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minadee View Post
Hi Yorick.
I think the first step you need to take is to calm down, a lot. You have to be calm and you have to be mentally prepared for what she may or may not tell you. If you thunder in, demanding to know you might not be able to cope with with what she has to say. Deep breaths. Of course there is a chance that this child is yours, there is no getting away from that, and like you said yourself, you wont be able to push this to the back of your mind. You are either the father, or you are not, and you need to be able to handle both of those answers. Goodluck!
Dear Minadee,

Thanks for the advice, but you don't have to worry about my calmness or my thundering in (I dont carry a lot of thundering --- i have someone that carry it for me ) In any case, as I've mentioned before, when I go through with the DNA collecting, it will be as secretly, quickly and quietly as possible (I probably have to hire a ninja). Thus, the first step I did is itemize the financial cost, as follows:

Paternity Dna collecting kit/services (1 father/1child): U$ 350-500
Airfare/Transportation (incl. getaway car): ------------ 100-200
Room & Board accomodations (2-3 days): ------------- 150-225
Local bribes, dole-outs and tips (for thugs):----------- 100-150
Professional extractor (ninja): ------------------------- 1,000+

Getting the + results and having my ex-gf & her
soon to be ex-husband strung out like a piņata --------- Pricele$$

For everything else...there's Paypal
(or I could just call my Uncle Sal ---who is kinda mental)
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Old 19th November 2012, 2:03 PM   #20
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As if things couldn't get any worse....I just read our Constitution's Family Code laws on biological father's rights....

....well it doesnt look so good for me (when did it ever).

Oh God! (if only I still believed in you) I'm so screwed up right now...and its just beginning.
Should I even continue with the paternity tests? The odds are stacked against me...I'm afraid of what I'll do if it turns out positive (I don't even want to think about it, but I cant help it)...its killing me right now NOt knowing
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