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Birthday, Christmas and New Year's Eve - what would you do?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 14th November 2012, 10:13 AM   #1
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Birthday, Christmas and New Year's Eve - what would you do?

So, I've been in NC since a few months - no contact in any way, no stalking on FB (nor her nor the mutual friends). I have no information about her and that's okay. I'm doing very good, I'm not sad anymore (rather annoyed that I still have some feelings for her haha).

Her birthday is coming. I decided long ago that I would not send a card or a message to her.

However, Christmas and New Year's Eve is almost here. In my country it's a custom to send a message or a card for both events. I'm pretty sure it's the same in other countries as well

Her family liked me pretty much so it would be nice to send a card or something, but man, I don't like her at all. I don't want to send her anything. I really don't want her to have a merry Christmas, honestly, and I think it would be hypocrite if I acted otherwise. And even if she sends me something, I don't want to reply.

My problem is that I don't want to be a douchebag. However all of my insticts rise up against the idea of contacting her in any form. And honestly, right after the break up I decided that I wanted to live my life as if I had never met her. I want to erase every piece of memory of her and our relationship from my mind. Even though it's impossible.

So what do you think? Will you send a card to your ex for Christmas or just stick to NC?
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Old 14th November 2012, 10:20 AM   #2
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NC. I plan on not contacting any of my exes on any holidays and even birthdays to make a point to them and myself that they are no longer a part of my life. I'm going to send warm holiday greetings to the people in my life who deserve it and feel genuine warmth about me too... feelings in the PRESENT and not the past . Should any of my exes send me a holiday greeting I may respond, but I'm going to guage my feelings about responding... with logic, and not my heart. Good luck!
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Old 14th November 2012, 10:29 AM   #3
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Thanks for confirming

I do believe that this is the right thing.
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Old 14th November 2012, 10:58 AM   #4
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She is your EX. Are you also spending cards to childhood friends you aren't in contact with? Old bosses you never talk to? Coworkers from 5 yrs ago?

Don't send anything!
(who sends New years cards?!)
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Old 14th November 2012, 11:16 AM   #5
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(who sends New years cards?!)
As I said, I'm not sure about other countries, but here we do

Anyway don't be that harsh on me, I don't want to send either... I'm just curious what others do.
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Old 14th November 2012, 11:34 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by spaniard View Post
As I said, I'm not sure about other countries, but here we do

Anyway don't be that harsh on me, I don't want to send either... I'm just curious what others do.
I'm not from your country but I have a very gentle spirit/heart and I sometimes feel the urge to wish even the ones who hurt me well, especially on holidays. Keep them close to your heart on these days if you wish to. I know I will, but for my own well being I will refrain from messaging, because I know it will set me back. I get the sense you may feel the same. Lets keep at the forefront of our minds that these exes are capable of hurting us again and we don't want to create any sort of opportunities for them to hurt us again. be blessed
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Old 14th November 2012, 12:39 PM   #7
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I'm not from your country...
I agree, but I addressed my previous comment to Veggirl
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Old 14th November 2012, 12:48 PM   #8
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I know. Was just sharing some more thoughts
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Old 14th November 2012, 2:13 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by PYTpisces View Post
I get the sense you may feel the same. Lets keep at the forefront of our minds that these exes are capable of hurting us again and we don't want to create any sort of opportunities for them to hurt us again.
This ^

I think it summarizes pretty much why no contact - any form of contact - is so essential. Even a nice reply message from them can be pretty painful.

Last edited by spaniard; 14th November 2012 at 3:40 PM..
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Old 16th November 2012, 11:29 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by spaniard View Post
As I said, I'm not sure about other countries, but here we do

Anyway don't be that harsh on me, I don't want to send either... I'm just curious what others do.
I'm not being harsh, sorry if you took it that way. I am making a point...people from your past don't get cards right? So why would an ex? Other people who were in your life meant a lot when they were in it, I'm sure, but now that they are not in your life......you see where I'm going with this.
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Old 18th November 2012, 2:17 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by spaniard View Post
So, I've been in NC since a few months - no contact in any way, no stalking on FB (nor her nor the mutual friends). I have no information about her and that's okay. I'm doing very good, I'm not sad anymore (rather annoyed that I still have some feelings for her haha).

Her birthday is coming. I decided long ago that I would not send a card or a message to her.

However, Christmas and New Year's Eve is almost here. In my country it's a custom to send a message or a card for both events. I'm pretty sure it's the same in other countries as well

Her family liked me pretty much so it would be nice to send a card or something, but man, I don't like her at all. I don't want to send her anything. I really don't want her to have a merry Christmas, honestly, and I think it would be hypocrite if I acted otherwise. And even if she sends me something, I don't want to reply.

My problem is that I don't want to be a douchebag. However all of my insticts rise up against the idea of contacting her in any form. And honestly, right after the break up I decided that I wanted to live my life as if I had never met her. I want to erase every piece of memory of her and our relationship from my mind. Even though it's impossible.

So what do you think? Will you send a card to your ex for Christmas or just stick to NC?
Dude, this is a NB (No-Brainer!).... Do NOT EVER EVER break NC (No Contact) for whatever reason....well, maybe except under threat of death, torture or a wedgie (if you have them in your country).

Just to give you an example ok....It was my birthday last month , and my ex suddenly was the very first one to "miss call" & greet me in the mowning (actually she was the only one), and this was after several months of having no contact with her whatsoever...saying something like: "Happy Birthday to you ________. May God bless you always...kisses!"

Right then and there I was severely tempted to text her back immediately & break No Contact (with a great sarcastic reply -- it begins with the woids "gracias", "culo" & ends with "puta" which you probably understand)

But I held firm & true to NC. A sound mind in a healthy body right?
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Old 18th November 2012, 8:16 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by YorickBrown View Post
Dude, this is a NB (No-Brainer!).... Do NOT EVER EVER break NC (No Contact) for whatever reason....well, maybe except under threat of death, torture or a wedgie (if you have them in your country).

Just to give you an example ok....It was my birthday last month , and my ex suddenly was the very first one to "miss call" & greet me in the mowning (actually she was the only one), and this was after several months of having no contact with her whatsoever...saying something like: "Happy Birthday to you ________. May God bless you always...kisses!"

Right then and there I was severely tempted to text her back immediately & break No Contact (with a great sarcastic reply -- it begins with the woids "gracias", "culo" & ends with "puta" which you probably understand)

But I held firm & true to NC. A sound mind in a healthy body right?
Thanks for the reply! I, under no circumstances, would break no contact, and Christmas won't be an exception.

Honestly, I myself didn't want to reply him either for the world (she deserves nothing, not a single "thank you"), but I needed a little confirmation that it's absolutely fine if I don't give a damn about such a message or card.

Now I got it, thanks!
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Old 20th November 2012, 1:53 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by spaniard View Post
Thanks for the reply! I, under no circumstances, would break no contact, and Christmas won't be an exception.

Honestly, I myself didn't want to reply him either for the world (she deserves nothing, not a single "thank you"), but I needed a little confirmation that it's absolutely fine if I don't give a damn about such a message or card.

Now I got it, thanks!
You're welcome! And speaking of "confirmation".... I know what I'm getting myself and my ex-gf this Christmas...a friggin $##&!^_^!@ Paternity test kit....and for New Year...probably a paternity suit in court. And, attend my (probable) child's birthday parties.

For U$500++ dollarse$ I was hoping to spend my Christmas with a brand new LED 32-inch tv hooked up an X-Box Live Kinect and two hookers to play with...instead, I hafta fly back to that place, connect with the ex again, and re-Live the "betrayal" all over-again...perhaps forever!!!

Geezus! What a f*ck1ng clusterf8cking mess I got myself into. Its driving me slowly insane....
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