What's with the state of women these days...

[Exit]

I'm putting this in Coping as it still relates to me trying to recover from my last breakup. Also a disclaimer, I'm well aware that generalizations are not fair, not all women are the same, you could turn around and say the same things about men, etc. So I'm not trying to generalize, I'm sure what I'm looking for does exist out there somewhere, but I don't know where to find it. I'm the first person to correct someone when they start addressing "men" or "women" in general and tell them not to. I just didn't know what else to name the thread.

 

I feel like today's girls remind me more of the guys that were on your high school football team with you more than a woman who I want to date and plan a life with. (And, ironically, guys sure are doing a good job at behaving like girls)

 

Where are the girls who sit down and read a damn book? It only goes so far to say you want a girl who isn't scared to play a videogame or watch sports with you. That doesn't mean you want to date a man in a girl's body. And if they do read, can it please not be Twilight or 50 Shades of Gray? Where are the girls who would appreciate a walk in the park or a trip to the museum more than what's happening on MTV or what regurgitated Hollywood movie is opening this Friday?

 

Where are the girls who don't shamelessly flirt with every guy friend they have and know where to draw the line? If I hear or read one more girl describing herself as "I have mostly guy friends because girls are bitchy and cause drama, and you'll just have to deal with it", I'm going to puke. You gravitate mostly towards guys because you constantly need that hit of attention from the opposite sex and you can't get that from a night of watching chick flicks with your girlfriends. You probably had daddy issues and now you love the rush you get from male attention. Girls only seem bitchy and dramatic around you because you can't stop flirting with their boyfriend.

 

Mmm and that profile picture with the beer slipping out of your hand or the cigarette between your lips just screams attractive.

 

Where are the girls who leave something to the imagination? Don't mistake what I'm saying here, I have never once in my life told a girlfriend how to dress, nor am I saying wear a total potato sack, but you can look damn cute and attractive without showing everyone else in the world 86% of what I see in bed with you. Send a message that you hold yourself in high regard and consider your body something you share only with yourself and someone close to you, not an eye candy buffet for everyone in a 10 mile radius.

 

Any girls know to cook anymore? *Echo, echo*. Putting frozen stuff in the microwave doesn't count, I can already do that when I'm single.

 

I think I'll stop here because I can already see someone spinning this into "oh, so you want a woman who lives in the kitchen and reveals nothing but her ankles?". No, not at all. Can I find someone with some class though? I don't blame the women, this is just a symptom of society in general I guess. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that the guys are dumber than a coat of paint, disloyal and disgusting as well.

 

I feel like I'm looking for a needle in a planet-sized hay stack to find someone who still has some standards.

[Pyro]

I get what you are saying and I know that you aren't generalizing. The type of woman that you want is hard to find and on top of that you have to hope that when you come across that type that you are attracted to her.

 

You are correct with the haystack reference but I promise you that when you find her it will be worth it.

[Coffee20]

hm I get you too....I am the kind of woman who has more male friends, but I don't have daddy issues, I can draw the line and if I have bf I don't hang out or go out with my boy - friends.

And I can't cook well, on the other hand I tried to cook for my ex, sometimes with my mum, because I loved to cook for him. I don't think he appreciated it.

Well for me it's hard to find a man who is more man than a woman, my ex was more a woman type.

I don't mind watching football with my boyfriend or playing video games. But I prefer walks, trips in the nature, listening and dancing to music, I would like to play piano to my next bf, or going to theater with him, but I don't think I will find someone like that.

[Rea333]

Haven't posted on here for ages, but lurk all the time. Your post is the first time I've felt compelled to reply.

 

I could list a similar response into where have all the good guys gone! Where is chivalry and commitment? I can't seem to find it. Your post was very thought provoking for me in that I feel like why can't I meet someone who appreciates all the qualities in a decent girl (many of mine listed in your post too!)

 

Been in a year long relationship since my last post, which is recently over. I am just too tired to even explain why that went wrong, but in a nutshell, I found out he was leading a double life and was married with kids! How stupid am I? So back to square one, searching for the elusive soul mate. Obviously one that is mine to love in the first place.

 

So I'll agree with your take on things and put a spin on it and say what is it with the state of guys these days?!

 

Good luck in your search Exit.

[Coffee20]

and you see I love reading, I have read many books, but people don't get me usually, they call me stupid and boring to waste my time like that

[Mcnulty]

Just a comment and social update really, like the above, i'm not going to generalize.

 

A friend, i've known her for about 4 years, always knew she liked me, but i was in rel etc and it remained as friends. She needed support at the hosp..I went and looked after her. She has been out for drinks these last 2 weekends.with me and pals..my mate has just been shat all over by his wife...stopping him seeing their child and nasty stuff...he meets my pal 2 weekends ago when we're out. he r likes her, says he doesn't think she's into him. she says she isn't r into him. She tellls a friend on Sat night she likes me still...then takes my newly seperated mate home and shags him!!! I just don't get people anymore. i'm not jealous...just don't get it.

[kae]

im wondering the same thing about men??

 

i think these women you descirbe had to develop survival skills because guys are so flaky and because the standard of living is so high we too need to exercise our masculinity. What about the man who cheats on his housewife??

women cannot take chances with feminity/poverty or masculintiy and im ok place.

 

Men dont even want to provide for women anymore. They dont appreciate what they have for long.. the have ADD and they are quitters.

 

Its hard to find both the female you want and the male i want.

I once was very dedicated to being ladylike but in my past relationships i got ignored and disrespected and cheated on. I can say that im still eager to wear my dresses and cook chicken pot pie. I feel now that i dont want to be used by dudes and rather have him see my masculin side and if he could love that then i will surprise him with all my feminine wiles.. later when i know he`s real.

 

Manipulators are attracted to feminie ladies. I learned that and will not have it!

[Gulf-Delta]

The girls you descibe/want don't exist.

 

I had a girl like that for two years. She changed.

[Coffee20]

I can tell this about men too, I know you don't generalize, but I have dated men who were over 30 and behaved like 15 but also know men who are less than 20 and they behave more mature. I know women like you described and men like that too, but they all seem to be in relationship or not available. Hm but I still hope I will meet a better man.

[CopingGal]

Exit, I wasn't on LS for a long time. But when I started posting again, I noticed you seemd different. Usually there's a lot of advice in your posts, but lately you just seem emotionally frustrated. I hope you feel better soon.

 

Coffee, there's nothing stupid or boring abut reading. It's a good hobby that can really raise one's vocabulary.

 

Exit, yes, it's hard to find people with good morals and standards, but cooking shouldn't be considered in that list. The way a woman cooks have nothing to do if she is a good quality person or not. So what if women use the microwave? It seems like you want a traditional woman, but today's woman is on the go and full of life. You might have to settle for having a great woman who doesn't cook.

 

I understand it's merely a mention and your main goal is just to find a good woman.

 

I've dated men that were at the bottom of the barrel. I wish I knew where the good men were but I don't. All I can do is leave them if they seem immoral or foolish, instead of staying and trying...trying...trying to accept them, which is what I did before.

 

People hop from significant other to significant other. Online dating makes it extremely easy for people to replace their partners quickly. It's immediate. You can register and meet someone the same day.

 

There are plenty of good women out there, but so many men just care about looks. They see a pretty woman and they want to date her, no matter if she's a **** or not. They don't seem to care as long as she's thin and looks good. They don't want to know the real her, just sex. It's disgusting. Not all men are like that but many, many are.

 

There are plenty of good men out there, I hope. But so many women care about what kind of car they drive, if they have money, and about their looks. They don't care if the man is a **** or not. I've seen profile after profile of women actually caring about talking about the car a potential mate should drive. Who cares, as long as it has a passenger side air bag and it's not filthy, who cares?

 

It's a very, very shallow world out there full of dysfunctional, shallow, ridiculous people. It's hard to find someone worthwild. But that doesn't mean we should stop looking.

[Woggle]

So the conclusion I can take from this thead is that people in general suck these days.

[CopingGal]

So the conclusion I can take from this thead is that people in general suck these days.

 

 

There's a lot of truth to that. It's a very dysfunctional world out there.

[threebyfate]

So the conclusion I can take from this thead is that people in general suck these days.

My takeaway from this thread is that the more qualifications people have for their partners, the more difficult it is to find a partner.

 

This to me is fine, as I was always this person but didn't perpetually whine about it and was patient, not believing that every guy sucked because he wasn't my type. In not settling for someone who was okay and still remaining relatively positive towards the male gender, I ended up with a man who exceeds my needs for a partner.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Seriously - join a book club. The reading women are there and there's a dearth of men, so you will be a very popular fellow. Plus it's really fun to read and discuss books with friends.

[Pyro]

My takeaway from this thread is that the more qualifications people have for their partners, the more difficult it is to find a partner.

 

This to me is fine, as I was always this person but didn't perpetually whine about it and was patient, not believing that every guy sucked because he wasn't my type. In not settling for someone who was okay and still remaining relatively positive towards the male gender, I ended up with a man who exceeds my needs for a partner.

 

This right here, only switch man for woman.

 

Patience is a virtue and pays off greatly.

[january2011]

• Reads books - check (last book I read for pleasure was Catcher In the Rye, before that was I, Robot, however, these days I read textbooks, blogs and papers because I'm also studying for a qualification)
  
• Plays videogames - check
  
• Watches sports - check (but only if it's tennis or a major international event like the Olympics)
  
• Walks in the park - check
  
• Visits museums - check
  
• Not a shameless flirt - check
  
• Doesn't have mostly guy friends - check
  
• No dodgy profile photos - check (I didn't use any at all when I did OLD)
  
• Doesn't drink - check
  
• Doesn't smoke - check
  
• Dresses conservatively - check
  
• Knows how to cook - check (though I'm not a cordon bleu chef, I do try to make things from scratch as often as possible)
  

Unfortunately, I'm taken.

 

Anyway, joking aside. I think that girls like me were really common in my generation and location. But we're all in our late 30s and 40s now and tend to be already in LTRs, married or completely focused on careers/social lives/volunteer activities/etc. and we're not easily found in the usual spots.

 

I suggest that you try places like Meetup (activity and interest-oriented ones, not the singles groups), volunteering, local community events, adult education, public lectures, professional organisations, etc.

 

I despair at the generation of young people coming up behind me - however, I gather that those in the previous generation, did the same thing.

[Woggle]

Seriously - join a book club. The reading women are there and there's a dearth of men, so you will be a very popular fellow. Plus it's really fun to read and discuss books with friends.

 

How welcome would a man be in these groups though? Wouldn't he sort of be intruding on their world?

[CopingGal]

There are co-ed book clubs out there. A man who read turns me on.

[Mme. Chaucer]

How welcome would a man be in these groups though? Wouldn't he sort of be intruding on their world?

 

There are book clubs for women only and there are those that are open to any gender. The one I was in had ONE man. He was a friend I knew years before, sad divorced guy. One of the women totally jumped on him and they dated for about 4 years (until he met the 2nd 'true love' of his life and dumped the book club liaison).

 

Usually there is a vetting process to make sure that a new member will fit in with the group.

[g450]

First off, stop internet dating and get off Facebook.

 

Second, the age group from which you are dating in is the issue.

 

A lot of these girls you are talking about will one day grow out of the "phase" they are in and will ultimately want what you want. Which is, a meaningful relationship that is leading somewhere. Problem is, that won't happen until they are 25 or so and possibly older.

 

^^^^^^^

This!!!!!!!!!

 

It's all part of the Y generation that thinks they are entitled to everything but dont have to work for anything. As in:

 

Y should I get a job?

Y should I clean my room?

Y should I leave mommy and daddy's basement and get my own place?

Y should I use birth control when Uncle sugare will give me food stamps?

Y should I be faithfull whenI can have any guy I want?

Etc Etc

 

And this applies to both sexes. It a general lack of upbringing caused by the IDGAF attitude of the past two generations of people who wanted kids but who didnt really want to raise them.

 

As others have said, hang out at bookstores and events etc. Also try a higher age group that may be more mature.

[Anela]

• Reads books - check (last book I read for pleasure was Catcher In the Rye, before that was I, Robot, however, these days I read textbooks, blogs and papers because I'm also studying for a qualification)
  
• Plays videogames - check
  
• Watches sports - check (but only if it's tennis or a major international event like the Olympics)
  
• Walks in the park - check
  
• Visits museums - check
  
• Not a shameless flirt - check
  
• Doesn't have mostly guy friends - check
  
• No dodgy profile photos - check (I didn't use any at all when I did OLD)
  
• Doesn't drink - check
  
• Doesn't smoke - check
  
• Dresses conservatively - check
  
• Knows how to cook - check (though I'm not a cordon bleu chef, I do try to make things from scratch as often as possible)
  

Unfortunately, I'm taken.

 

*raises hand* for the above, as well. Only, I drink a little, and I'm not taken, I'm just happier when I'm focused on other things. I'm not interested in dating at all at the moment - I decided last Christmas, that I'd had it, and I'm really not interested in anyone, or dating at all now. I need to get other things taken care of.

 

Anyway, joking aside. I think that girls like me were really common in my generation and location. But we're all in our late 30s and 40s now and tend to be already in LTRs, married or completely focused on careers/social lives/volunteer activities/etc. and we're not easily found in the usual spots.

 

I suggest that you try places like Meetup (activity and interest-oriented ones, not the singles groups), volunteering, local community events, adult education, public lectures, professional organisations, etc.

 

I despair at the generation of young people coming up behind me - however, I gather that those in the previous generation, did the same thing.

 

Agreed. I think I'm the same age as January...

[Gulf-Delta]

There are co-ed book clubs out there. A man who read turns me on.

 

Well hello there

[beyond]

I'm putting this in Coping as it still relates to me trying to recover from my last breakup. Also a disclaimer, I'm well aware that generalizations are not fair, not all women are the same, you could turn around and say the same things about men, etc. So I'm not trying to generalize, I'm sure what I'm looking for does exist out there somewhere, but I don't know where to find it. I'm the first person to correct someone when they start addressing "men" or "women" in general and tell them not to. I just didn't know what else to name the thread.

 

I feel like today's girls remind me more of the guys that were on your high school football team with you more than a woman who I want to date and plan a life with. (And, ironically, guys sure are doing a good job at behaving like girls)

 

Where are the girls who sit down and read a damn book? It only goes so far to say you want a girl who isn't scared to play a videogame or watch sports with you. That doesn't mean you want to date a man in a girl's body. And if they do read, can it please not be Twilight or 50 Shades of Gray? Where are the girls who would appreciate a walk in the park or a trip to the museum more than what's happening on MTV or what regurgitated Hollywood movie is opening this Friday?

 

Where are the girls who don't shamelessly flirt with every guy friend they have and know where to draw the line? If I hear or read one more girl describing herself as "I have mostly guy friends because girls are bitchy and cause drama, and you'll just have to deal with it", I'm going to puke. You gravitate mostly towards guys because you constantly need that hit of attention from the opposite sex and you can't get that from a night of watching chick flicks with your girlfriends. You probably had daddy issues and now you love the rush you get from male attention. Girls only seem bitchy and dramatic around you because you can't stop flirting with their boyfriend.

 

Mmm and that profile picture with the beer slipping out of your hand or the cigarette between your lips just screams attractive.

 

Where are the girls who leave something to the imagination? Don't mistake what I'm saying here, I have never once in my life told a girlfriend how to dress, nor am I saying wear a total potato sack, but you can look damn cute and attractive without showing everyone else in the world 86% of what I see in bed with you. Send a message that you hold yourself in high regard and consider your body something you share only with yourself and someone close to you, not an eye candy buffet for everyone in a 10 mile radius.

 

Any girls know to cook anymore? *Echo, echo*. Putting frozen stuff in the microwave doesn't count, I can already do that when I'm single.

 

I think I'll stop here because I can already see someone spinning this into "oh, so you want a woman who lives in the kitchen and reveals nothing but her ankles?". No, not at all. Can I find someone with some class though? I don't blame the women, this is just a symptom of society in general I guess. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that the guys are dumber than a coat of paint, disloyal and disgusting as well.

 

I feel like I'm looking for a needle in a planet-sized hay stack to find someone who still has some standards.

 

I totally understand what you are saying. I do think it has got worse in the last 10/15 years - therefore it tends to be girls who grew up then who are now early 20's. I'm 38 and work with quite a few younger women who moan and complain about not being 'respected' by men in one breath, but then sleep around, get rolling drunk and swear more than most men I know!

I'm far from prudish, but I do think there are ways to behave, dress and hold yourself as a women. I learn't these things, without realising at the time, from watching my mother and grandmothers - all strong women.

 

I do feel sorry for younger women now (crikey, I now sound like I'm 88!!!). They have been fed all this stuff by the media that they somehow need to be the SAME as men to be equal to them. This is NOT what feminism is about .

 

Women and men are different and should enjoy those differences. I know I will get slated for this but it seems to me that (some) men have gone too far to become the ultra sensitive male and (some) women are trying too hard to be ladettes. The result is a sort of wishy washy middle ground where nobody knows what they are anymore.

[Renard99]

I also totally understand what Exit’s getting at. I found this when I started dating again after my break up. It was 8 years later and I could certainly see things had changed.

 

There’s certainly a greater element of the ‘ladette’ these days. The MTV influence can be felt greatly. As the popularity of programs such as Jersey Shore has increased, so has the level of influence on modern women, which influences the media, which in turn influences society, which then further influences women. Men are no better, with them also being influenced by the current ‘douchebag’ culture, which has come about the exact same way.

 

All I can say is stick with it and try online dating. The thing I found is that, when out and about on a night out, I was more likely to come up against the ‘ladette’. However, when you head online, and let the website do the filtering for you, there is a wealth of women out there who fit the bill that both you and me are looking for. I know because I found one and we’ve been together for over a year now! She plays video games, comes with me to watch motorsport, reads factual books as much as fiction, never flirts with my male friends, doesn’t get jealous when I talk to my female friends, dresses appropriately……. So they do exist!

[Renard99]

Where are the girls who leave something to the imagination? .

 

The way I see it is like Christmas presents. You wouldn't want to come down in the morning to find your presents half unwrapped would you? :-)