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Does friendship signal the end?


BooBoo1982

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It depends on whether the ex is the dumper or dumpee and the reason for the break up.

 

The dumper usually lost feelings so is okay with being friends and even wants to be friends to relieve their guilt, or just because they like the dumpee but aren't in love with them. There is no pain or huurt from breaking up so being friends is okay for them.

 

The dumpee on the other hand will sometimes want to be friends, even when they still have feelings, because they think it is better than nothing. They usually learn that it isn't and going NC is the way to go.

 

So to summerize, if you are dumped but the dumper wants to remain friends, it means all their romatic feelings are gone for you.

 

If the dumpee wants to be friends, it is very possible they are doing it because they think it is better than nothing, or because they think it will give them a chance to get you back. Sometimes they think they have lost all romantic feelings and when they try to be friends, the feelings come back.

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Well i would say that if they were gone for some time and now are back that yes most likely the feelings are gone. I say that because i have felt that way before.

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Well i would say that if they were gone for some time and now are back that yes most likely the feelings are gone. I say that because i have felt that way before.

 

It's only been two months, he says he still loves me, misses me, thinks about me all the time but I've hurt him too much for him to ever trust me again. Up until last week he was still really angry and upset about everything but now he says let's try friendship because we have got nothing left to lose, I don't know what to do for the best.

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Do you want to be friends with him or do you want more than that?

 

It sounds like he forgave you or it could just be that he's over being hurt by you and just remembers the good things about you now.

 

The biggest thing you should think about is what you want though. Figure that out first before you question his motives.

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Do you want to be friends with him or do you want more than that?

 

It sounds like he forgave you or it could just be that he's over being hurt by you and just remembers the good things about you now.

 

The biggest thing you should think about is what you want though. Figure that out first before you question his motives.

 

I want more thats why I'm reluctant to start a friendship, I think it would be too hard.

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I want more thats why I'm reluctant to start a friendship, I think it would be too hard.

 

I think he wants more than that too. Maybe FWB?

 

I would let him know how you feel about being just friends with him because you care too much about him to just be friends.

 

But you should really trust your gut instincts. If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't.

 

How did you hurt him so badly?

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Then don't. Tell him why, and go - and stay - NC.

 

Don't feel obligated out of sympathy, to do something you instinctively know would be awkward, difficult and counter-productive - just to do him a favour.

 

It will absolutely, backfire.

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I think he wants more than that too. Maybe FWB?

 

I would let him know how you feel about being just friends with him because you care too much about him to just be friends.

 

But you should really trust your gut instincts. If it doesn't feel right it probably isn't.

 

How did you hurt him so badly?

 

He's angry that I never put in as much effort as he did, I never just apologised and I always dug my heels in and defended my actions instead of accepting I was wrong, his mum never liked me and instead of trying to fix it I just avoided it and made life awkward for him.

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Then don't. Tell him why, and go - and stay - NC.

 

Don't feel obligated out of sympathy, to do something you instinctively know would be awkward, difficult and counter-productive - just to do him a favour.

 

It will absolutely, backfire.

 

Trying to be friends will backfire?

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Then maybe he had a point....

 

I hate to say it, I had a 'friend' like you.... she's an ex-friend, too.....

I told her the classic, "With friends like you, who needs enemies?!"

 

Maybe you need to investigate why you believe it's ok to behave like that...?

Because in all honesty - it isn't....

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Trying to be friends will backfire?

 

Yes.

because if there is high emotion still associated with the relationship and its dynamics, that will be the 'elephant in the room'.... and sooner or later, things will get emotional and messy.

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Then maybe he had a point....

 

I hate to say it, I had a 'friend' like you.... she's an ex-friend, too.....

I told her the classic, "With friends like you, who needs enemies?!"

 

Maybe you need to investigate why you believe it's ok to behave like that...?

Because in all honesty - it isn't....

 

This is his view of me and not necessarily the truth. He just puts a bad twist on everything when we split up.

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He's angry that I never put in as much effort as he did, I never just apologised and I always dug my heels in and defended my actions instead of accepting I was wrong, his mum never liked me and instead of trying to fix it I just avoided it and made life awkward for him.

 

If I were you I'd talk to him and tell him these things. It may lead to being back with him or maybe it won't but at least you will be able to know that you gave it your best shot.

 

And personally I've never regretted the things I've said...it's when I was silent when I should have spoken up that bothers me.

 

He complains that you didn't make the effort then so make the effort now. You really have nothing to lose at this point.

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This is his view of me and not necessarily the truth. He just puts a bad twist on everything when we split up.

 

...Then why would he want to be friends with you, if this is the view he holds of you?

 

This is too emotional.

 

Decide if you want to make a second go of this....

Does he?

You need to discuss this openly and frankly - because if nothing has changed, or is going to change - what's the point here, exactly?

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LostJustLost
Yes.

because if there is high emotion still associated with the relationship and its dynamics, that will be the 'elephant in the room'.... and sooner or later, things will get emotional and messy.

 

This ^ exactly

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Yes.

because if there is high emotion still associated with the relationship and its dynamics, that will be the 'elephant in the room'.... and sooner or later, things will get emotional and messy.

 

This is so true. I learned the hard way.

 

You can't be friends with the ex, especially when there are unresolved issues hanging in the air. It just can't be.

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