Caught Ex of only couple weeks with another guy at her house

[Ukeallday]

Please I need help! My ex broke up with me due to constant arguing. Other than that i treated her like a princess and gave her the world. I was at fault for not trusting her and constantly arguing about the littlest things. I didnt follow through with NC and i kept trying to save something i now know is unsalvageable. I didnt hear from her all night last night and didnt answer to my question of are you alright? So i called her earlier tonight. She answered with a quiet voice, so i asked if she was alright and she responded with an im just tired and ill talk to you tomorrow, so i let her go. My gut told me something was up. I decided to hop in my car and drive by her house. I know... Stupid! When i drove by i saw her old coworkers car parked in front. Someone i didnt like her talking to when we were together because i know who he is and he treats women like a piece of meat. I get out and knock on her door. When she comes to the door she looked shocked and asked me what i was doing here. I responded calmly and with a sad voice with a what is HE doing here and she said he's just a friend and theyre just talking, and promised me nothing is going on and i should go home and she'll call me tomorrow. I went home devastated and talked to friends and my dad. All of them telling me to drop it and i deserve better and the worlds not over. I was doing fine till i had to go buy cigarettes. I decided to drive by and again and his car is still there with all of her lights out. She is definitely sleeping with him right? Im devastated and i need help. Should i go see a therapist/Psychologist? Ive been depressed since the break up and im in deeper. Ive been pushed to the edge and i need help immediately please.

[reimeivn]

they might just be cuddling. i do not know your ex but woman is very selective. she needs comfort but, surprise enough, might not want sex at the moment.

[reimeivn]

yes you should go see a therapist.

[TaraMaiden]

She's your ex-.

 

you have no right at all, whatsoever, to be monitoring what she does, when, with whom, why or where.

she's not your business any more, and you're obsessed.

you need to see someone.

anyone.

 

Just not her.

 

LEAVE HER ALONE!

 

quit stalking - you have no rights to be doing this, and you're just stabbing yourself deeper....

[Ukeallday]

reimeivn-Thanks for the reply. Deep down i want to think something innocent like that is happening but its just hard to get the thought of it out of my mind.

 

TaraMaiden-I am not going to sit here and argue one bit, because you are totally right. I am obsessed and i see this now. I just couldn't let go, for what reason i dont know. I can sit here and say love, but if i really did truly love her would i have done all of this or just let her go and be happy. All i need is help to get over it all. I have a lot of support but i just need to hear it from people who don't know me.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Caught Ex of only couple weeks with another guy at her house

 

 

 

 

I didnt hear from her all night last night and didnt answer to my question of are you alright? So i called her earlier tonight. She answered with a quiet voice, so i asked if she was alright and she responded with an im just tired and ill talk to you tomorrow, so i let her go. My gut told me something was up. I decided to hop in my car and drive by her house. I know... Stupid! When i drove by i saw her old coworkers car parked in front. Someone i didnt like her talking to when we were together because i know who he is and he treats women like a piece of meat. I get out and knock on her door. When she comes to the door she looked shocked and asked me what i was doing here. I responded calmly and with a sad voice with a what is HE doing here and she said he's just a friend and theyre just talking, and promised me nothing is going on and i should go home and she'll call me tomorrow. I went home devastated and talked to friends and my dad. All of them telling me to drop it and i deserve better and the worlds not over. I was doing fine till i had to go buy cigarettes. I decided to drive by and again and his car is still there with all of her lights out. She is definitely sleeping with him right? Im devastated and i need help. Should i go see a therapist/Psychologist? Ive been depressed since the break up and im in deeper. Ive been pushed to the edge and i need help immediately please.

 

 

 

Dude, that is like informing us that you caught the mailman delivering the mail on your ex's front porch.

 

You are stalking your ex.

[Gulf-Delta]

She's your ex-.

 

you have no right at all, whatsoever, to be monitoring what she does, when, with whom, why or where.

she's not your business any more, and you're obsessed.

you need to see someone.

anyone.

 

Just not her.

 

LEAVE HER ALONE!

 

quit stalking - you have no rights to be doing this, and you're just stabbing yourself deeper....

 

The whole "Your ex is your ex, so you should pretend they're dead" mindset is silly.

[TooHonest123]

You need to stop looking for more information on what she is doing because you are only causing yourself more harm...if you keep looking for something chances are you will find it.

 

I regret that i kept looking for more information after my ex left me for the otherman. I found out the day she left was the same day they slept together, that while she was seeing me at the same time she was after her personal trainer. Two weeks after the breakup i looked at her new boyfriends facebook and i saw pictures of them two kissing and huging.

 

One thing is imagining and another is seeing. The pain i went through was undescribable.

 

We talked in another post, You need to stay strong. you need to let go of this weight that is holding you back from moving on in Life. Remmember that making decisions in moments of crisis is not too wise.

[silic0ntoad]

Dude, honestly, I am betting one thing:

 

She was with him before you broke up.

 

It's never as simple as it sounds. Go NC, as much as it absoluely blows and goes against every single fiber and instinct of your body, you cannot rationalize with someone who is already set upon their choice and who is emotionally detached. There is no talking through this, and besides, would you want her back anyway?

 

NC. NC now. Stop driving by her house. Every time you have an urge to drive by her house, go for a walk, the opposite direction, and play music you normally wouldn't listen too, and that doesn't remind you of her.

 

There are 7 billion people on the planet, 3.6 billion of which are of the opposite gender to you and I. That's a large amount of women. You, honestly, will never be lacking for choice.

Edited August 16, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[pteromom]

What you did was wrong.

 

You can't help not being over her. You can't help if you wonder what she's doing and who she is with. And you can't help being hurt.

 

But you don't have a right to make your feelings her problem. She has moved on, and she is free to do what she wants, even if it is a mistake in your eyes.

 

You need to leave her alone or you are gonna end up with a restraining order against you.

 

And is it possible she was seeing this guy while you were with her? Maybe. Who knows. Since she is your ex now, it doesn't really matter.

 

Delete her from Facebook (if you are both on). Delete her number from your phone. Do not drive by her house. Find friends, hobbies, etc. to put your energy into. And move forward.

 

If after a couple more weeks, you are not feeling any better, find some professional help.

[TooHonest123]

I forgot to add something in regards to getting medical help.

 

Wait a few months...You will notice that you start getting better. But if after a few months you notice that this issue is affecting your work/School/sleep/eating habbits....then it is time to seek the help of a proffesional...it does not mean you are crazy if you look for a psychiatrist ...they will help you understand better the issue and if needed they can prescrive anti-depressants or medication to control your anxiety.

[jgregory4614]

Look...I went through the same exact thing your going through. It sucks, and It feels like your world is going to end. Guess what...your still breathing, and your still alive!

Now...there is NOTHING you can do about what she is doing. Shes going to do what she wants. She doesn't care what you think. Any romantic thing or good memories you two had while together doesn't matter to her anymore. I know it's hard but you NEED to get that in your head. Calling her is making her dislike you even more. You can ask any female this. DON'T call her anymore! DON'T drive by her house anymore! I did the same thing and I found out more than I wanted to know, just like you. Cut off all ties to her. Erase her number from your phone. Find something to do. Hangout with some friends without talking about your breakup. Remember you want to forget this mess. Buy some new pimp clothes and go to the club. Talk to some beautiful woman there even if they're out of your leauge. It will help boost your confidence and who knows maybe you get lucky! You can't go wrong with a good rebound!!!

[Ukeallday]

Thank you all for your help. I recently went to see a doctor because i haven't been eating or sleeping. Total 180 for me as i was once a fireball always up and about having fun all day every day. Doc said im going through pervasive depression. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. I will post a follow up in the near future, and hope to hear from all of you again. Thank you! Bless you all!

[TaraMaiden]

Thank you all for your help. I recently went to see a doctor because i haven't been eating or sleeping. Total 180 for me as i was once a fireball always up and about having fun all day every day. Doc said im going through pervasive depression. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. I will post a follow up in the near future, and hope to hear from all of you again. Thank you! Bless you all!

 

Well Kudos to you for taking the bull by the horns and acting on matters.

It takes a lot of courage to challenge your own mind-set.

 

I wish you all the very best and hope everything goes well with you.

 

And as there seems to be opinion that apparently my approach was brash, unsympathetic and harsh, I hope it didn't cause you offence.

but sometimes, a kick in the pants approach helps.

If I didn't care about people, I wouldn't even post.

 

Good luck, keep in touch!

[Eddie Edirol]

Thank you all for your help. I recently went to see a doctor because i haven't been eating or sleeping. Total 180 for me as i was once a fireball always up and about having fun all day every day. Doc said im going through pervasive depression. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week. I will post a follow up in the near future, and hope to hear from all of you again. Thank you! Bless you all!

 

OP you have to take this as a lesson on how you treat your next gf. Dont be jealous without proof. In fact dont be jealous at all. If you constantly argue petty things with your gf, she WILL go find someone else. Thats just how it is, she wont put up with it for long. Insecurity is the first thing that will send a woman to another man. So dont see a psychiatrist for your depression, see him to learn why you were so insecure. Actually I think you could get much of your eye opening answers here if you tell the full story.

[g450]

Ukeallday, listen to Eddie.

 

I did the same stuff you did and all it got me was missery. Although I was not insecure until after I was told she wanted a divorce out of the blue. But my insecurity after that had a negative impact on later relationships. Insecurity is a form of fear and it will cripple you.

 

You need to get to a place where you can trust again. In your next relationship you need to have the mindset that you love this person but you can live without them. Insecurity and jealousy will kill a relationship faster than anything. It makes you unatractive. The one that cares the least has the power in the relationship. You need to care more for yourself first.

There are plenty of other women out there. And you can easily find one that has morals and ethics and is marriage minded. That's what dating is all about.

 

With that said I do feel for you. I know exactly how you feel. I have been there and it almost destroyed me and it caused problems with my next girl. Dont start dating until you not only understand your issues but have conquered them. Then things will fall into place.

 

Your current relationship is basically dead so grieve it and get that out of your system. Learn from your mistakes as well as hers. Do not take her back. She does not want you anyway. She has already shown you this. Go NC, work on yourself and then get back on that horse. She did you a favor and showed you her true colors. Look for better colors.