xxSRMxx Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 It's been a fair while since I have posted in this forum, I felt I needed to get away for a while and stop posting for a while.......Some of you have been a TREMENDOUS help to me for which i am eternally grateful. When I split withy boyfriend just over three months ago I did EVERYTHING WRONG. I medicated with alcohol, I turned up at his house drunk many times, I completely self destructed, you name most rules in the book, i broke them. I was hospitalised, I have never felt pain so bad in my life as I am sure all of you are also feeling right now. If I could turn back time I would have kept myself busy, stayed away from the demon drink, would have got myself in the gym sooner but it is SO EASY to sit and say oh get in the gym, pull yourself together girl, its his loss etc. At the time the pain you are feeling is something I didnt even know existed, my world was turned upside down. I tried anti depressents, I came off them. Eventually me and my ex had the argument of all arguments and he said he hated me, I literally looked in the mirror and thought I really dont recognise myself, something inside me clicked just like something inside you will click!I thought I cant go on like this anymore. I literally threw myself into work just to take myself out of my bedroom which had become like a room of self pity. It was time to make changes to my life, therapy helped me and i continue with it. I am learning to value myself so that next time i get my heart broken, I can decide I am better than this and that it is simply there loss. I guess what im trying to say is that, eventually, when YOU feel ready (not when everybody else decides you should be over it) pick yourself up, give yourself a hug and treat yourself better. I have just returned from a weeks holiday, I didnt shed a single tear once throughout the week (even after drinks) I stayed away from alcohol for a bit and it helped, I can now go out again and get drunk with the girls and my fingers do not start reaching for my mobile. Let people help you, talk about it, on here, to friends, call a crisis line if you need to (i did when i contemplated taking a bottle of pills) I know it sounds so cliche to go and buy new clothes, get a haircut etc but these little things will slowly boost you up. Do i think about my ex still? everyday, but the pain when I think of him is not as much as it was. He actually messaged me to say he hopes we can be civil and he is glad i'm doing well for myself. Even when it feels like you are going round in circles and back to square one, eventually you will get sick and tired of it yourself!! I even feel ready to flirt with a few guys and i wasn't short of male attention on holiday! Help yourself in any way you can, make YOURSELF your number one priority. I'm not out the dark yet, but I can finally see a light. I wish you ALL a happy ending xxx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Welcome back. I'm glad to hear that you made it through alright. Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 Thanks! That was encouraging. I can't go full nc(we have a child) but I'm trying to do things for me. I really wish I could go nc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxSRMxx Posted July 25, 2012 Author Share Posted July 25, 2012 Don't get me wrong, I think I still have a way to go....but I literally used to never be able to picture my future without him and I was petrified i'd be alone and I haven't been on any dates with anyone else, or even slept with somebody else....yet! That day will come though! I miss him alot, but the pain doesn't sting me as much, it's kind of like okay this is a ****ty time right now, but things can only get better now surely! Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 How long have you been broken up? Maybe I'll check your old threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Coffee20 Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 hello, that's a good new to hear that! three months, you remind me a little bit me, right after break up I did so many weird and stupid things I haven't done before, cause I felt like I was fearless and didn't really care.... I wish you the best too Link to post Share on other sites
The Tallest One Posted July 25, 2012 Share Posted July 25, 2012 [sIZE=5][COLOR=#990000]xxSRMxx[/COLOR][/sIZE], glad to hear your doing better. I can relate so much to what you have said. It's only been a month for me but I am slowly making progress. It will take time but I know I'm doing better each day. I agree staying busy and treating yourself better is key. Also buying yourself something nice does something to make you feel like you deserve to be pampered once in a while. Also, keeping the focus on ourselves and our needs during this time is crucial. Thanks for you post! Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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