leninjapirate Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Deleted him on Facebook, thought blocking was childish but he messaged me and kept trying to add me again even when I rejected his requests so, now blocked. Currently without a mobile because I want to change my number but not until I know I'm completely over the itch of wanting to text him, especially if I've been drinking... I have an unfortunately excellent memory for numbers, even when drunk. I've been completely avoiding going out because we live in a very small town and even when I only go in for grocery shopping I run into him, and he practically lives in the pub. We also have the same taste in music and movies and a lot of mutual friends, so I really feel like nowhere is safe. He's even best friends with my closest cousin, so he gets invited to family functions. I feel like I'm constantly in fits of tears at the thought of him, I've even cried in public after getting texts off him back when I had a mobile, and I'm so nervous about seeing him or hearing from him, it just upsets me so much. I'm dropping out of college and moving home permanently, and I'm scared to even apply for jobs because it's going to mean risking seeing him all the time and I know I'll most likely fall to pieces if and when that happens. I feel so pathetic for writing this, he just really, really gets to me and I don't know how to handle it. I also just feel horrendously guilty at the idea of being cold or mean, even though he 'deserves' it. It makes me hate myself, I can't do it without breaking down and apologising. I don't feel like I can cope with this at all. It's completely isolating me and making everything so much harder. And as of right now he keeps emailing me, which is a completely new thing, but so far three in the past half hour. I really am trying to not be such a total mess, which is probably making it even harder, because right when I've gotten myself back into a good place and I'm making plans and doing my thing and getting on with getting on, BAM, that's when he shows up and burns it all to the ground. It's exhausting. I know I can't let him have this enormous deciding role over where I go and who I see and what I do, I know that I have to put on my big girl pants and just be okay with him existing, and I am completely at a lost as to how to go about that in reality. I'm fairly desperate at this point and I would super-appreciate some pointers. Thanks everyone, sorry if I ranted. Link to post Share on other sites
ToyWithMe812 Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 He's even best friends with my closest cousin, so he gets invited to family functions. I'm dropping out of college and moving home permanently, and I'm scared to even apply for jobs because it's going to mean risking seeing him all the time and I know I'll most likely fall to pieces if and when that happens. Why not talk to that cousin about family loyalities, if there are any here. Now, why in god's good name are you dropping out of college? Come again? Link to post Share on other sites
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