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would this be okay to send?


desertsessions

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desertsessions

wondering if something like this would be okay to send to an ex-girlfriend i did wrong, and haven't spoken to in a year.

 

This may seem out of left-field, but I handled things like an utter jerk when you asked your stuff last year. I’ve sent them in the mail, along with a money order, which will cover what I should have equally helped you with from day one. I treated you very unfairly with not being 100% honest with you, and It was exceedingly selfish of me. I want you to know, that you never did anything wrong either, even though you may have felt inadequate at times. Truthfully, you were awfully good to me, and went out of your way more than enough. I’m mortified I lied to you even after all this time, because I know how that must of felt. Usually I would never do something like that, but I was an absolute mess back then, and did a lot of things I wish I had kept my morals over. In hindsight, I really let you down, and you didn’t deserve that at all. I owe you an apology for stringing you along in that confusing hiccup of my life, for making hollow promises, and not keeping my composure at all times. Thinking back to how apprehensive I always felt, it was all quite silly, and unnecessary. I don’t expect you to care about any of this. However, I thought you may appreciate your stuff back, and that money I owed you for a couple century’s now.

 



Take care,

 

Long story short...I really cared about this girl a lot, and was in a rough point in my life where I cut corners, and just needed to feel gratification in any way, shape or form. I was a big jerk to her, when all she did was care. I tried to overcome what I was feeling (probably extreme depression), but I always fell back into feeling inadequate. Which lead to a lot of false promises on my part...false because i wanted to tell her i'd change and smarten up, but just couldn't get over feeling so darn miserable all the time. I feel really guilty, and care big time about how i lied to her. Anybody else ever done something like this after a year? I have all her stuff packed up and ready to go, I just feel so darn guilty, and have been holding it off for some reason.

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desertsessions

To be honest, I don't expect a response, or need one. I just want to do it, because I let someone down I cared about. I'm more afraid it would be taken as weird, that I care about what I did, and how I acted a year later.

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Your letter comes across as very sincere. How she takes it... who knows. I wrote and apology letter to my ex, she took it as "proof" that I screwed everything up, and she got nothing wrong. Not at all the reality, but whatever. It was the right thing to do, I sent it, and I have no regrets, and feel it manning up regardless.

 

I had an ex of mine find me on FB after not having any contact for about 15 years. She wanted to apologize for how she acted in the end of our relationship. It was very welcomed by me, I was glad to hear from her, I apologized on my end as well, and now we are great friends. I actually found her on there months before she messaged me, but didn't know if she would want to hear from me.

 

Don't worry about the outcome, it can and will be varied. And the outcome now is not the final outcome, life always throws surprises down the road.

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xpaperxcutx

The question is are u completely over her that what you write to her and not a small attempt to get back in contact with her? if it jelps your conscience to move on then you should send it to her however if you're still holding on with a small inkling of hope she'll get back with you... you might want to hold off on any contact until you're at a better place in your life

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I say kudos to you. It takes a big person to admit when they are wrong. Sending her stuff back, along with money that you rightfully owe her, is the right thing to do. And the letter is obviously sincere. I say that by doing this, you'll be doing yourself a favor by clearing your conscience. It may also help her heal her wounds a little, if they are even still open at this point. I don't know if you'll get a reply, but it sounds like you're not expecting one anyway. At any rate, I think this will help you both heal and provide the closure that you both may need. Good job and good luck!

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Art_Critic
Whether or not she responds is irrelevant. Send it.

 

I agree...

 

I'm normally a "Don't Send" a letter to an ex but the OP's letter is an honest and open apology for his actions.. and that is a rarity today and should be received nicely by her.

 

I say send it.. but only if you don't expect a reply.

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desertsessions

I don't expect a response no. if I had to be completely honest though...I do miss her, and the good times we did share. She was like no other, prettiest girl ever, with such an amazing personality.

 

I think I will forever feel guilty for miss treating her, even though I know it was just due to lame depression I was going through. So, technically I shouldn't blame myself...but I always feel maybe I could have tried a little harder. She really was my world.

 

Either way, sending the stuff and apologizing will make me feel heaps better regardless if I get a response or not. As long as she knows I feel terrible about it all, and did the right thing in the end. That's enough for me.

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Eddie Edirol

Its been a year, she is probably over you by now. So how would you feel if she read the apology and didnt care about anything you had to say?

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desertsessions

well i really think that's on her, if she doesn't care at all, so be it. she's a caring person though, i know she'll most likely appreciate it unless it's taken as some scheme to get her back. all i know is, i wish i had treated her differently because i wanted to marry this girl. i didn't smarten up fast enough, she's gone. end of story. i'm just doing what's right, and what i believe in...even though i did go through a very jerkish stage of my life. holding grudges and continuing to be a jerk, will get you absolutely no where in life.

 

i find it better to let her know, yeah i totally messed up..she was a great girlfriend, and I was an idiot to ever let such an amazing person fall out of my life. I'd feel better with her knowing I feel horrible for the way I acted, and wish things had been different. As long as I know she knows that, I am a happy sailor, and i wish her the best with her life. if by some miracle she did want to talk to me again at some point in life, it would only be if i was ever truly sorry for what i did. it feels good wanting to do this as well, because for once, i have no ulterior motive. just the thought of being a man about something i should have done a long time ago.

Edited by desertsessions
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I opened this thread because, though it's been 8 months, I do hope that my ex eventually apologizes to me and wanted to know what you said.

 

And this is only my reaction, but possibly you may have rehashed a bit too much in the letter? For some reason it came across as slightly cold and distant and just a list of things you did wrong, which may just serve to make those things boil up in her again and cause anger. But of course I am biased in this :)

 

I think it is worthwhile to apologize to her after all this time. Sometimes it's really freeing for both people.

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desertsessions
I opened this thread because, though it's been 8 months, I do hope that my ex eventually apologizes to me and wanted to know what you said.

 

And this is only my reaction, but possibly you may have rehashed a bit too much in the letter? For some reason it came across as slightly cold and distant and just a list of things you did wrong, which may just serve to make those things boil up in her again and cause anger. But of course I am biased in this :)

 

I think it is worthwhile to apologize to her after all this time. Sometimes it's really freeing for both people.

 

 

Ahh now you've really got me second guessing myself, it comes off as cold and distant? How so? I ask this, because I am trying to be as sincere as possible.:(

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Eddie Edirol
Ahh now you've really got me second guessing myself, it comes off as cold and distant? How so? I ask this, because I am trying to be as sincere as possible.:(

 

Its because you arent using the trigger emotional words that women look for. It looks like you have no feelings and you are just writing facts about the situation.

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desertsessions
Its because you arent using the trigger emotional words that women look for. It looks like you have no feelings and you are just writing facts about the situation.

 

Hmm can you guys help a little bit with this then? I guess i should say...that we spoke for seven months after breaking up...or she spoke to me all the time...i tried to ignore it as much as possible. I was always trying to get her back the whole time...and she got fed up with it one day, and said i don't think we should talk anymore...then asked for her stuff back....and i made a fit...and said no, I am not doing a thing for you. That was that. Saw each other randomly at a festival about 6 months later, and she saw me...and just cold shouldered me so hard. So, pretty sure she hates me.

 

So in a way, I don't want to go into anything like "I miss you" or anything along those lines, but is it still too cold of a message knowing a little back story?

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Art_Critic

If there is more to your letter than an apology.. say you wanting her back.. then NO you should not send it.

 

Stick with your apology and leave it as that..

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you're asking for people who don't know you or your ex, to write a heart felt emotional apology of a letter to someone you are not trying to manipulate back into your life??

 

do you see the problem here or am i the only one??

 

leave the girl alone... you might as well fire off a letter telling her of her shortcomings... that usually gets a response if a response is what you're after...

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desertsessions

Sorry If I am being unclear here..I apologize.

 

I don't warrant a response, I just think it would be nice if we could forget the past, and be civil if it came to that. I will say, whatever she chooses is totally fine with me. I just want the message to be kind, and from the heart. Realizing I did actually act like a total jerk. It's hard to tell someone you never saw it before in the relationship, but now after a year, I can see it? It kind of sounds phoney, and want it to be in the sincerest form possible. Not "Cold" as someone mentioned. I guess there is no warm way to say sorry for being a totally selfish person though.

 

Sorry guys, I feel like I'm being a bit of a basket case. I just feel really bad for my shortcomings.

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Anyone who tells you that you shouldn't send it because you won't get anything for it (so to speak) is someone who doesn't know how to be a man. You made mistakes, you realize it, you owe her money.... So what's the RIGHT thing to do? You apologize to anyone that you wrong in life, girlfriend or not, and you repay anyone you owe in life, girlfriend or not. You can either be the man you chose to be about this, or you can be someone who never accepts responsibilities for their actions. If you want to run with the herd, don't send the apology. Personally I have ZERO interest in running with the herd, and total interest in being the best man I can be in life.. AND THAT is why I wrote my own ex a huge apology, and paid her back money she felt I owed her (clearly I spent more on the relationship than she did, but whatever, I paid it back, and I moved forward in life with a clear conscience. more than she can do)

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Anyone who tells you that you shouldn't send it because you won't get anything for it (so to speak) is someone who doesn't know how to be a man. You made mistakes, you realize it, you owe her money.... So what's the RIGHT thing to do? You apologize to anyone that you wrong in life, girlfriend or not, and you repay anyone you owe in life, girlfriend or not. You can either be the man you chose to be about this, or you can be someone who never accepts responsibilities for their actions. If you want to run with the herd, don't send the apology. Personally I have ZERO interest in running with the herd, and total interest in being the best man I can be in life.. AND THAT is why I wrote my own ex a huge apology, and paid her back money she felt I owed her (clearly I spent more on the relationship than she did, but whatever, I paid it back, and I moved forward in life with a clear conscience. more than she can do)

 

nah, the issue wasn't so much should he or shouldn't he send a heart felt apology, etc etc... the issue was his intentions didn't seem as honorable as yours...

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You can never bring bad to yourself by doing right by somebody else. Remember that.

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Yep, I think it sounded like a sincere apology. Do what you feel is the right thing to do. As long as you don't have some kind of hidden agenda to try to rope her back in and open up her wounds again, then you should be good. Don't second guess yourself.

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desertsessions

So an update*

 

She started talking to me January of this year, we got really close again over the months up until July when she met some other guy. I made the silly mistake of acting uninterested in fear of her feeling uncomfortable that i still had feelings for her. She ended up meeting a guy, and I kind of freaked out and told her that I had feelings for her. I wasn't a dick about it though, and the whole time we've been back in contact I've been quite good to her and I think she knows that.

 

She said she really enjoyed being friends again! And wants to keep that up... I said i can't do that, was civil about it, said I care far too much about her, and walked away..

 

She's tried to contact me a few times, and seems upset that I'm not really talking to her anymore... I had to say again, I want more than a friendship and id love to see her but if she's not willing to give me another chance, this is the way it has to be... (She's dating that guy now by the way) She sent a message two weeks later saying she's sorry she hasn't responded, she doesn't know what she wants to say yet, and it's not that she doesn't care, she does very much, just needs time to sit down and think of something meaningful to say

 

It's been a month since that message... so to anyone interested... that's how it all turned out for me :( I thought i was going to get her back, and then i slipped, missed my chance and she's dating some other dude now.

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I actually think this letter sounded nice. I feel hope that someday I will get letter like this from my ex even though I don't have any of his stuff. I was the one who tried to help him through his drinking and depression and it would help me I think someday to hear this from him. I say it has been long enough so go for it.

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desertsessions
I actually think this letter sounded nice. I feel hope that someday I will get letter like this from my ex even though I don't have any of his stuff. I was the one who tried to help him through his drinking and depression and it would help me I think someday to hear this from him. I say it has been long enough so go for it.

 

This message was from 2012 :) I was just posting an update to anyone who wanted to know what happened 2 years from when i posted this haha.

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