dsw31 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Hi Loveshackers, I'm still really new to this site , & to posting in forums in general so, please bare with me! I'm so glad I found this place!It give me something to look forward to instead of waiting for him to call or text,or want me back.Thank you! So today I'm feeling a little better about the breakup.I'm sure I'll slip back into a really tough time again soon though.I'm just thinking about all the horrible things he said to me in the last 3 years. 1)He likes teen porn because the girls are "fresher & tighter" (I'm 31,he's 34) 2)Even if he was dating a supermodel,he'd get bored & need new vagina after a while 3)He emotionally abused me because I let him.Then devalued me because I still wanted . him 4)He said I was obsessed with him (because I loved him in a healthy way) 5)He ridiculed me because I had an interracial relationship before him-then found out he would date outside of his race too! There is so many more bad things he has said but,my mind is all over the place & that's all I came up with for now.Anyways-keeping these things in mind has helped me hate him (a little) and I think it's helping me cope a little bit (atleast right now) I know in my heart all of these bad things are a reflection of his own insecurities but,it helps to remember the bad stuff.I feel sorry for him but,I feel sorry for myself too. These stages of grief are a b#t*h!! Link to post Share on other sites
robkris8079 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 wow that's some harsh stuff. And your here having a hard time dealing with the loss of this fellow? Love has got to be the strangest thing. I treated mine right with respect, encouragement and accepting who she is. I wasn't too clingy either and I doubt she is even blinking twice about me after our breakup and we were together 5 years. I would never say anything like that to her. I think your better off and deserve better. Chin up, feel, heal and don't ever again let that abuse happen to you. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Hi Loveshackers, I'm still really new to this site , & to posting in forums in general so, please bare with me! I'm so glad I found this place!It give me something to look forward to instead of waiting for him to call or text,or want me back.Thank you! So today I'm feeling a little better about the breakup.I'm sure I'll slip back into a really tough time again soon though.I'm just thinking about all the horrible things he said to me in the last 3 years. 1)He likes teen porn because the girls are "fresher & tighter" (I'm 31,he's 34) 2)Even if he was dating a supermodel,he'd get bored & need new vagina after a while 3)He emotionally abused me because I let him.Then devalued me because I still wanted . him 4)He said I was obsessed with him (because I loved him in a healthy way) 5)He ridiculed me because I had an interracial relationship before him-then found out he would date outside of his race too! There is so many more bad things he has said but,my mind is all over the place & that's all I came up with for now.Anyways-keeping these things in mind has helped me hate him (a little) and I think it's helping me cope a little bit (atleast right now) I know in my heart all of these bad things are a reflection of his own insecurities but,it helps to remember the bad stuff.I feel sorry for him but,I feel sorry for myself too. These stages of grief are a b#t*h!! Ugh; my ex blamed his impotence on me because he said I wasn't 'tight enough'=I think he was embarrassed because I wanted to talk about his dysfunction. He became very crude and matter of factly made that comment. I am 41, he is 44. Remembering stuff our ex's said is good to put things into perspective, but don't dwell on it or you will feel bad about yourself--don't believe any of the junk he said to you. And what exactly is 'teen porn'? That could land the pervert in jail. Link to post Share on other sites
leannesagoodman Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Hello dsw31, it's nice to have you here! Hopefully all us people on LS are a good welcome distraction from it all No offence, but if he said that, he sounds like a right idiot. Worse than that. You definitely deserve someone far more loving than him. They are horrible things for him to have said to you. Also, fluctuation is a very normal thing. You'll fluctuate a lot - you'll keep going from good to bad to good to bad, but eventually, at some point, it will start to be more good then bad. It will happen. In the meantime though it's good that thinking this way and remembering these bad parts are helping you to cope. Coping strategies will help you through this - do whatever you feel will help at the time! What I'd recommend from personal experience is not to hide your feelings from yourself. If you feel bad one day, let yourself feel bad, but know that it has to be a temporary feeling, the same way as if you're okay then you're allowed to be okay. Feel whatever you need to feel now and it won't come back to bite you later. You do deserve so much better than him though. Even if it is to do with his own securities, you do deserve someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 (edited) Remember dsw the person we end up with won't be cruel, verbally abusive, malicious or callous. They won't project their insecurities and negative self image onto you. They will be loving, caring, supportive and will bring the very best out of us, just like we will bring the very best out of them. When ex's are cruel like this, use it to reaffirm that you deserve better and that he is not the one for you.. Edited March 29, 2012 by Mack05 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itsonlyme66 Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 1. If I didn't think your parents had money, I wouldn't have gotten serious with you. (No lie! Then of course he recanted saying it.... that was in the first year out of 6) 2. (On the subject of the 3-somes he wanted): I'll go find the girl and bring her home for us. 3. Shut up. You're a f_ing whacko. C---. Go F yourself. Shut the F up. Leave me the f alone. I hate you. No, I don't hate you, I DESPISE you. 4. You're lucky. You can call someone if you get into a financial bind. I have nobody! I have to take care of ME! ME ME ME!!! 5. Don't try to wake me out of a sleep by touching me. I have a reflex and you might get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I was in the shower this morning thinking about all the terrible things my ex did to me. I woke up this moring thinking about all the terrible things my ex did to me. He said terrible things to me as well. But you know what....I started thinking...when I left him I gave myself a gift. To me, my ex no longer exists...He is not of this world. He's no longer alive, or he is, but he is not in my world...he's on the moon somewhere. I have myself the gift of freedom from a disgusting human. It's time I started appreciating the gift I gave myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I was in the shower this morning thinking about all the terrible things my ex did to me. I woke up this moring thinking about all the terrible things my ex did to me. He said terrible things to me as well. But you know what....I started thinking...when I left him I gave myself a gift. To me, my ex no longer exists...He is not of this world. He's no longer alive, or he is, but he is not in my world...he's on the moon somewhere. I have myself the gift of freedom from a disgusting human. It's time I started appreciating the gift I gave myself. I've decided that our ex's 'karma' is us not being in their lives;) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Hi Loveshackers, I'm still really new to this site , & to posting in forums in general so, please bare with me! I'm so glad I found this place!It give me something to look forward to instead of waiting for him to call or text,or want me back.Thank you! So today I'm feeling a little better about the breakup.I'm sure I'll slip back into a really tough time again soon though.I'm just thinking about all the horrible things he said to me in the last 3 years. 1)He likes teen porn because the girls are "fresher & tighter" (I'm 31,he's 34) 2)Even if he was dating a supermodel,he'd get bored & need new vagina after a while 3)He emotionally abused me because I let him.Then devalued me because I still wanted . him 4)He said I was obsessed with him (because I loved him in a healthy way) 5)He ridiculed me because I had an interracial relationship before him-then found out he would date outside of his race too! There is so many more bad things he has said but,my mind is all over the place & that's all I came up with for now.Anyways-keeping these things in mind has helped me hate him (a little) and I think it's helping me cope a little bit (atleast right now) I know in my heart all of these bad things are a reflection of his own insecurities but,it helps to remember the bad stuff.I feel sorry for him but,I feel sorry for myself too. These stages of grief are a b#t*h!! PS, no one in porn is "fresh", they are all cruddy, dirty, drugged up and used up. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I've decided that our ex's 'karma' is us not being in their lives;) My ex had women treat him badly. When he had someone good, he just couldn't be a good boyfriend. It is seriously, seriously difficult for my ex to be good and nice on a consistent basis. I feel very sorry for him. He just goes from woman to woman looking for acceptance. He's such a loser. I have to admit it. He is a LOSER. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sophie99 Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 1) You want a future with me more than I wan't one with you. 2) If I had the choice between being famous, and you, I'd choose fame. 3) I didn't know what I was saying when I said I wanted to marry you someday. 4) I hate your sister. 5) *People looking at us* It's because I'm so good looking. 6) Piss off. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 1) You want a future with me more than I wan't one with you. 2) If I had the choice between being famous, and you, I'd choose fame. 3) I didn't know what I was saying when I said I wanted to marry you someday. 4) I hate your sister. 5) *People looking at us* It's because I'm so good looking. 6) Piss off. What assss clowns we all dated. Link to post Share on other sites
Sophie99 Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 What assss clowns we all dated. I know... And those things weren't even during the break up, just things he said along the way. Love is blind I guess 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I know... And those things weren't even during the break up, just things he said along the way. Love is blind I guess We were in love when they said that stuff, and chose to overlook it because when they apologized, it was sweet. Or we just ignored the red flags hoping it wouldn't happen again, but it always did, didn't it? And got worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Hey dsw, I found that acceptance is key here. When you see your ex's faults and insecurities, you'll get past this. You'll see that they are also hurting and a prisoner of their own frustrations. Eventually, you start pitying them and feel sorry for them. They are not perfect. With what does that leave you ? Apart from pain and loss ? The love you once had for them, the ability to care for someone so deeply you hurt inside. It just gives you a feeling that you're alive and capable to take risks for loving someone. Give it a place in your heart. It's difficult, but you'll get through this. Nc is key here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 My ex was NOT hurting from the collapse of our relationship. He never grieved. Each time we broke up, he just shrugged his shoulders. This time he really didnt' grieve because he was already cheating on me with somene else. I grieved....big time. My ex did not. He grieved for OTHER women and threw that in my face, but he never grieved for me. One woman left him, and he got drunk. Another woman left him and he cried and mourned. I left him he shrugged his shoulders. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dsw31 Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 (edited) My ex was NOT hurting from the collapse of our relationship. He never grieved. Each time we broke up, he just shrugged his shoulders. This time he really didnt' grieve because he was already cheating on me with somene else. I grieved....big time. My ex did not. He grieved for OTHER women and threw that in my face, but he never grieved for me. One woman left him, and he got drunk. Another woman left him and he cried and mourned. I left him he shrugged his shoulders. Coping gal, I think he has a case of the "wants what he can't have syndrome." He was upset over those other girls because they were through with him!He couldn't stand the rejection.You...on the other hand,would take him back in a minute.He devalued you because he knows deep down,that he is not deserving of your love so,he thinks something must be wrong with you, to want him.It's sad but true You're not alone! My ex SAYS he is hurt but, I truley believe he only says that to make me be able to cope with him dumping me.I honestly believe the only thing he will miss is my friendship.He detached himself, romantically, the 1st time we brokeup (brokeup 3 times)He had girls waiting for him all throughout the last 2 years so,they are there for him to cushion the blow now.It hurts cause I can't even imagining being with another man yet & he would be happy to fu*k just about any willing girls he could right now.I guess we may be friends again, sometime in the future but, right now,I can not stand the thought of only friendship. Edited March 30, 2012 by dsw31 Link to post Share on other sites
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