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Do guilty dumpers ever realize/admit their wrongs? if yes how far in the future?


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Old 24th December 2011, 5:03 AM   #1
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Do guilty dumpers ever realize/admit their wrongs? if yes how far in the future?

I am reading all over here about exes who dump dumpees with cruelty, rudeness and without any compassion for the dumpee's feelings.

The also use conscious or unconscious defensiveness in order to save themselves or save face which makes things ever worst for the dumpee: besides the obvious "dumping", the dumpees have also to hear that it was their fault or/and that they were awful in the relationship. As a matter of fact, dumpers add insult to injuries.

As also defensiveness costs lots of energy, they are supposed to eventually - i do not know how far in the future - free themselves from their armor and admit their flaws...maybe they wont tell you or maybe they will. Maybe they try to get you back or not at that stage...

What's your experience about this?

I also assume there is a moment when the dumpee stops hoping for the dumper to admit their flaws...I guess it's the moment when you are over them..maybe??

Boys, loving is hard...

Last edited by Magda70; 24th December 2011 at 5:09 AM..
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Old 24th December 2011, 6:11 AM   #2
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Well...it obviously ranges from person, situation, and other variables. I can tell I haven't heard jack crap from my ex for over 6 months now and she still has my dog tags and laptop.
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Old 24th December 2011, 10:11 AM   #3
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It's obvious mine is full of guilt and denial. There has been some contact recently which I won't go into detail here but she is definately full of guilt. But with the recent contact, I gave her no leeway at all. I stuck to my guns, and was basically just "whatever". Along with a little added guilt trip of what she did to me and the kids. She thinks I can't tell, but her actions prove different. I just shut her down. Let the guilt eat her up. Maybe she WILL wake up for the sake of the kids. She needs to. Or else those kids will end up with an "Empty Love Tank"
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Old 24th December 2011, 12:56 PM   #4
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Well, 2 replies and 2 unsuccessful cases...any ex coming back acknowledging having gone through a guilty trip?

Mine also is full of guilt. The guiltier he felt, the more upset was with me. He even threatened me of death....but i don't want to go there...

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Old 24th December 2011, 1:34 PM   #5
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I think the reason for the unsuccessful responses rate is because the guilty dumper types will take years to realise what they've done to the extent they'll want to make amends and most of us on here are relatively fresh out of break ups.

It's another of those sickeningly awful cliches but; time will tell.
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Old 24th December 2011, 2:31 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dicky_fish View Post
I think the reason for the unsuccessful responses rate is because the guilty dumper types will take years to realise what they've done to the extent they'll want to make amends and most of us on here are relatively fresh out of break ups.

It's another of those sickeningly awful cliches but; time will tell.
Agreed. When dumpers are really cruel, often it's just because they're immature on some level. Generally they need to grow up before they actually come around to apologize, and gaining maturity can often take months or years or it may never happen.

On the other hand, dumpers who are just mildly cruel often don't realize it. For them, it might just take some emotional distance from the situation.

So... to answer your question. It could take weeks or months or years or never.
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Old 24th December 2011, 2:37 PM   #7
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The ones that were cold, cruel, cheat and lied deserve to have the guilt eat them up. Feel that it will, keep your head high and keep trucking forward as hard as it is.
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Old 24th December 2011, 4:03 PM   #8
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I think mine harbors guilt...He tried to reach out twice already with my three month NC period but I have stood my ground. I think it varies from person to person, like if the dumper is distracting themselves with another man or woman then it may take longer. I also think maturity plays a big role in them realizing they did wrong too. But no matter what, it usually takes them a good while to truly realize and admit they were wrong.
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Old 24th December 2011, 5:01 PM   #9
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The ones that were cold, cruel, cheat and lied deserve to have the guilt eat them up. Feel that it will, keep your head high and keep trucking forward as hard as it is.
with "Feel that it will" do you mean that (you are sure?) guilt will eventually eat them up?

it sounds a bit the concept of the karma....I wish things were that simple...sigh...
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Old 24th December 2011, 5:09 PM   #10
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But no matter what, it usually takes them a good while to truly realize and admit they were wrong.
And when they realize they were wrong, will they come to apologize? Nope!!
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Old 24th December 2011, 5:18 PM   #11
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They only seem to get it if someone screws them over or if they actually become The dumpee. Still no contact let alone an apology. O just wish someone would screw then over.
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Old 24th December 2011, 5:20 PM   #12
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Or maybe these people are undiagnosed sociopaths?
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Old 24th December 2011, 6:00 PM   #13
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When I described my current dumper ex's lies (which he denied, saying instead that he "worded my answers carefully so that I technically wasn't lying to you")to a colleague, she said it sounded borderline sociopathic. LOL!

Yeah, I don't expect him to feel guilty, unless perhaps another girl does a similar thing to make him the dumpee. He has problems with feeling emotions (he freely says that). Oh well, someone else can deal with him
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Old 24th December 2011, 6:08 PM   #14
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My ex has no remorse, no conscience, no nothing. The only pain he ever feels is his own, no one elses matters.

My only hope is that some day he will feel the pain I've suffered at the hands of someone else.
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Old 24th December 2011, 7:31 PM   #15
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Every ex that ever dumped me eventually went on to contact me and apologize. The longest.... 13 years after dumping me, and then finding me on facebook. We are very close again now, her and I. When you truly fall in love with someone, thos feelings stay with you for the rest of your life. Not that I still love her, but she is still very special to me. If she didn't live about 1000 miles from me, I think in a month we would have been right back where we left off.
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