Someone opposite.

[teafor1]

sorry this might be a bit lengthy

 

Okay, so... I was with someone for about several years, friends for 9 (well together from ages 16-24). It had ups and downs, and a long break in the center of our relationship. It seemed this break effected the second round of our relationship.

The first 3 and a half years were really great. We were first loves, very into one another and innocent. When we split, he told me to date others and that he is moving on and will never be with me again. He grew distant and I became upset.. Of course 11 months later, he is with me again. This lasted another 3 and a half years.. it ended because his trust issues became unbearable. I DID date others in that single period because he told me toooo! But he held it against me. He went through my phone, my emails, everything. He held things against me that were meant to be private. Reading personal messages I shared with my close best friends. So he became too attached. Always calling me, following me in my own home everywhere, even the bathroom. I never saw my own sister who I lived with because he always was just there. I was not allowed to talk to any guys at all. I was not allowed to wear anything revealing. I had to come to every family function because if I couldn't get along with his family, he would leave me. I had all these rules to abide by or he threatened to leave. So, I stuck with it..until I could not deal anymore. I started to get annoyed so I looked for an escape. as the end was near he told me how he was going to ask me to marry him that december. :\ (to make matters worse!)

 

Soon the relationship ended because I was talking to another guy. (yes, just talking!) and he went crazy. Every guy I spoke to he said I wanted to leave him for!!! So yeah he started telling everyone I was psycho, a manipulator, I betray everyone. He told my close friend I was lazy and worthless... etc..

I wasn't perfect in this relationship.. but he makes it seem like I was the most horrible person.

 

a week or so later, he calmed down.

 

Mind you, we were living together through all of this. So, for 2 weeks he stayed at a friends. He was going out to bars all the time. He told me he was happy to get out and meet people. Which, I was happy for him..I had no problems there. I thought it was healthy..So, he came back to stay with me till we figured out what to do. I didn't want him to be homeless so I dealt with the weirdness between us. but he started texting girls while sitting in my bed. They would text till 1am. And I was a bit out of line, but I was annoyed and I grabbed the phone that kept beeping and I checked the annoying message and it was "thanks for the great time tonight". And he was talking to another girl and hanging out with her on top of all this. I became kind of upset because a few hours before we fell asleep, he initiated sex with me. I became really really angry and I kicked him out. He later revealed he only used me because he was comfortable...and there was no love in it. yeah.

 

So he moves in with his best friend, and not even 3 weeks later is dating the younger sister. I found it so odd because she pretty much did the same thing I did to HER ex before him. Except she was hanging out with my ex and massaging him... and yet I am the horrible person?

 

She didn't like me because I was upset over how we ended and "i was hurting him". Lesson #1, if you ever get involved with someone who just got out of a long term relationship...expect unbalance. it's natural!! To be mad at someone else's ex admist all this is just idiotic. I always give people time to heal... but she was a teenager, and she apparently jumps from guy to guy to guy and had overlapping relationships, so I don't know why I expected differently.

I wish she spoke to me because she has NO CLUE how he was with me. He even became violent with me twice. Once it was in front of his brother! He tore my shirt off right in front of him and clawed my chest. Another time he punched me in the back because I caught him in a lie... But yet she didn't like me... ????

 

The thing I found so odd was how much he changed for her. The fact he was even dating her was a mystery..because well, she is opposite of me. She is a nice girl... but she seems more into herself. She seems to think she knows everything. and he believes it too. she used to walk around in sport bras and shorts. where i was more modest (well, because i had to be for him..)

But he changed completely. He even said he would treat her way better than he ever treated me, and that he never loved me. He actually started doing things I never expected, like going on fasts because she was, and traveling. He always made excuses whenever I said I wanted to travel. And I told him how i wanted to move to the west coast..more excuses about work, and he talked about moving there with her instead...even taking her there after i begged him to go for so long! she even is the complete opposite body type of me. i also found this strange. i am more curvy with a large chest. i know for a fact he loves breasts because he constantly always wanted me to sleep topless so he could hold them. (ha!) but he ended up dating a girl who is 100 pounds. he used to talk about skinny girls being disgusting and sickly, and always said he loved my curves so much. he even used to call my sister anorexic (and she was healthy) i remember i asked him how he can do that, and he said something which i thought was kind of mean, "i wouldn't date her if she wasn't strong. she is strong for her size". seriously? i have no problem with it really because i respect a man who can accept people of all varieties, but he used to talk horribly about her body type, this is why there was confusion.

 

he always said this which bothered me, "it doesn't matter anymore."

 

but when we got back together that second time and he was so mentally unstable, i blamed myself so i sacrificed myself to keep him happy. because he made me feel bad for seeing other people. i never said "it doesn't matter anymore". because he would have left me.

 

 

so, eventually after a month he was saying he loved her. posting all this stuff on facebook. buying matching tshirts.. all this stuff. he hated facebook and myspace. but now he is always on there professing his love. he goes on fasts because she does, joined karate...even though i asked him to join martial arts with me, and he never wanted to. started going to school i think just because if he couldn't be near her he would go so crazy so he needed to stay occupied. he seems more like he can't live without her for a day.

 

even their halloween costumes were weird..because they were characters from a film he and i loved (it was the first film we watched together), watched all the time, quoted, and everything. he told me he did it to get over me. that didn't make much sense..

 

and the weirdest thing of all. he was VERY VERY VERY protective of me. he was always jealous i was going to leave him. he used to always say if i lost weight i would be too pretty, and it scared him. what the heck does that even mean?!

but now..he goes to nude beaches with his new girlfriend. she is naked in front of all these people. but i wasn't allowed to lose weight or have a shoulder showing? or even talk to guys? oh, and i forgot to include, she is allowed to talk to guys and ex boyfriends and even hang out with them without him. and apparently they slap her on the ass in front of him...and he deals .because he says "i know she loves me"................uhh but i never did? yet i made it a point to respect his wishes to keep him happy. i find it odd he can sit and hang out with her ex's and be okay, but he can't even be in the same room as me?

 

it just seems so crazy how someone you are with for that many years could change instantly.

 

the worst part of all, i am still close with the family. and i felt like it was my fault he stopped seeing them. i love his niece to pieces and she is so excited to see me. but she calls my ex "that boy"..she doesn't even know him. and he lives closer to his family and never sees them anymore. yet, he was going to break up with me if i never saw his family?!?!!? his family loves me still, and they accept me. but they get sad that he is never around. i feel at times that it is my fault, but they make it a priority to tell me that i am doing nothing wrong.

 

also, many of you might wonder why i am so close to them? well, get this now... my sister is dating his older brother now.. they have been on and off for about 6 years!. so it is like, i am always in this circle.

 

 

from what i know how he feels over 2 years later about me. he says he can't be in the same room as me, or look at me. i have no idea why. for me, if i was really in love with someone else.. an ex wouldn't even be a threat at all. and maybe i am different, but i like being neutral.. and in this case it would make more sense since our families are still connected.

 

so i am really confused, and still to this day i am hurt with how quick he was to delete me from his life after all the sacrifices i made. he tells his close friends that he regrets everything about me. but if we never dated, he wouldn't be able to handle 95% of what this girl does to him. he would have left as soon as anything happened.

 

 

 

just, how can someone change in less than a month and date someone so different?

 

and i find it strange how weird random meetings occur between us. i remember i was pulled to the side of the road taking pictures of the fog around 11pm one night..and he rode his bike right into my photo. i don't think he saw me..but it was strange that this happened... i always wonder why we cross paths sometimes.

 

 

i have come a long way since we first ended, although it might not seem as such, (traveling and performing in europe alone, traveling with a group of russians, buying a brand new car..etc) i just would like to hear about others experiences to see if i am not alone in this, or if there is a good reason. i feel like my emotions need to be settled because this is effecting my future for being in a committed relationship. i am now so scared of all of this that i choose to remain single.. :\

 

so anyone else go through something similar?

Edited October 31, 2011 by teafor1

[perfectlyflawed459]

Usually when your ex dives into a relationship with someone completely opposite of you in both looks and personality, it is a sign that they are rebounding. It is said that they are dating someone opposite because they are trying to figure out what was missing with you or something like that. I know my ex dated a girl who was the complete opposite of my both personality wise and physically, and it only lasted a month and a half. So I mean it could be a rebound with this new person, but the best thing to do right now is go NC, live your life, DON'T interfere with them, and DON'T speak a mean word about her or him because you never know what will get back to him. I know it is hard, but you have no choice but to let this "relationship" run its course. From what I can tell it is a rebound in my opinion, but you can never really know for sure. Only time will tell. Good luck! We are here if you ever need to vent.

[teafor1]

I think it was all a matter of convenience for him. Before her he was chatting up 2 other girls, they never gave him what he wanted.. The person he ended up with his bedroom was right next to hers.. so it was only logical. She was fresh out of a relationship as well..

I think she just wanted him the whole entire time I was with him (even though she was umm 11 or 12 when we first started dating). it was obvious how i would say hi to her and she always was weird with me, but she would walk right up to my ex and talk to him. he used to refer to her as his little sister.. heh.

 

they have now been together for over 2 years..but i am unsure if it is a rebound or still convenience. he was always the type to look for comfort and get it in the easiest way possible. he lives with her for free in their families house, with his best friend. so, he didn't even go through a greiving process at all with our breakup..just instant love for other girls. which is weird, because i ended the relationship and he was the one crying hysterically.

 

he always told me he wanted me to move out of my home with him..but now he is fine living in her family home. (more weird things) he did not pay rent when he moved in here either. he just takes whatever is the easiest option. i even helped him buy his car that he would drive her around in while he still owed me for it. (i lent him 2,000 dollars)

 

and my sister is dating his brother..so it's not like i can avoid this...

 

i just want to know why he goes to such great lengths to avoid me. he will even leave a family party if i show up. i don't want to have him leave his own family, but he never really sees them anyway.

 

i just don't like hearing from friends how he said he learned everything from me, but he has nothing left to learn so why even talk? i find it so odd..because everyone i speak with i offer so much to. new music, ideas, interests, etc..

 

all i could think is how he feels guilt when he sees me, and he doesn't want that to ruin being in his la la land... i think every negative feeling he has about anything his new girlfriend does, he places it on me instead. to prove that she is worth more than i ever was...

 

it's just really annoying when people do this. i learned from him NEVER to be this way. she doesn't even seem to be that way with her ex's..it's all him.

 

i just wonder if she thinks he will even think to remain friends with her if they end. she seems to not think he won't give her the same treatment that he gives to me.. but it is apparent that THIS is his coping mechanism.