Here I am again and it sucks....

[ShannonMI]

So it's been awhile since I was on the "coping" section of LS. It's been over a year since I broke up with my ex of 8 years. I'm not on here now because of him, but because of a guy I dated after him. Here's the story:

 

I met this guy around May of this year and we really hit it off. I liked him a lot and we had great chemistry. He is originally from California and moved to New York (where I live) to work for the summer. He ended up staying here after the summer for different reasons. We continued to date.

 

He is bipolar. He told me this in the beginning and I was OK with it because he seemed to have his sh*t together even though he wasn't on an medication for it. Like a month ago he started showing signs of being unwell mentally, so I took him to a local mental health center and helped him get on some meds. Well about 2 weeks ago he had a meltdown. Was in a full blown mania and went off the deep end. He ended up harassing someone he had business dealings with and he is currently in jail. I have never dated a bipolar man or a man who has been or is in jail. It's all so crazy to me. I decided to try to help him out because I know his actions were the cause of his mental illness. I was agonizing over what to do about the situation and his roommate told me I should stop wasting my time on him because he's been cheating on me. He met up with some girl he met on match.com the night before he was arrested and slept with his ex girlfriend who came to help him with some business stuff a few months ago. I had no idea about any of this sh*t. I'm officially done with this fool.

 

What I'm struggling with is: I just feel so duped. I was fooled by him and it SUCKS to say the least. He told me all these great things. Like I was such a loving, supportive woman and one of the most incredible women he's been with, but still he did what he did. Why do people do sh*t like that to people they supposedly care about and value? Maybe it was all just lip service. I'm starting to think that's the case because the guy is a legit wack job. I'm thankful that I was informed of his cheating and now I don't have to waste my time trying to help him, but it still hurts like hell.

 

He's been told that I'm done with him but he seems to think he will convince me he didn't do anything and he will get me back. He told this to a family member who passed the message on to me. "Shannon was brainwashed and I'll get her back" were his words. Crazy talk, but he really thinks he has a chance. Delusional is a good word to describe him. He thinks I'm some sort of fool apparently. I'm prepared for major stalking and harassing when he gets out of jail. I'm sticking to my guns with this for sure though.

 

And all this from a man who told me we weren't boyfriend/girlfriend. That we were just lovers. Now he's talking like I'm the love of his life and he won't or can't lose me. I don't know how to deal with this.

 

I just needed to vent about this on here. Any feedback, advice or support would be appreciated. Thanks:(

[Imajerk17]

Another woman on here with a bad people picker. WTF? Can't find yourself a better man, you know, someone who isn't mentally ill? The dude did what bipolar people do.

 

I don't know what else to say except to take responsibility for your bad choices.

[ShannonMI]

Another woman on here with a bad people picker. WTF? Can't find yourself a better man, you know, someone who isn't mentally ill? The dude did what bipolar people do.

 

I don't know what else to say except to take responsibility for your bad choices.

Hahahahahaha thank you for responding. I got a good laugh although I don't think you meant to be funny. Just struck me as humorous.:laugh:

 

That being said, I had never dated a bipolar person so I didn't know "what bipolar people do." I did know he was mentally ill, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt because that's the type of person I am. He seemed to be stable when I met him so I continued to date him. Maybe a mistake, but I try not to judge people too much when they seem like good people. He seemed like a good person. Now I know that I should NEVER date a bipolar man again. There may be some people on here that will have a problem with that statement, but so be it. I've obviously had a bad experience and won't make the same mistake twice.

 

Thank you again for your response.

[KathyM]

So it's been awhile since I was on the "coping" section of LS. It's been over a year since I broke up with my ex of 8 years. I'm not on here now because of him, but because of a guy I dated after him. Here's the story:

 

I met this guy around May of this year and we really hit it off. I liked him a lot and we had great chemistry. He is originally from California and moved to New York (where I live) to work for the summer. He ended up staying here after the summer for different reasons. We continued to date.

 

He is bipolar. He told me this in the beginning and I was OK with it because he seemed to have his sh*t together even though he wasn't on an medication for it. Like a month ago he started showing signs of being unwell mentally, so I took him to a local mental health center and helped him get on some meds. Well about 2 weeks ago he had a meltdown. Was in a full blown mania and went off the deep end. He ended up harassing someone he had business dealings with and he is currently in jail. I have never dated a bipolar man or a man who has been or is in jail. It's all so crazy to me. I decided to try to help him out because I know his actions were the cause of his mental illness. I was agonizing over what to do about the situation and his roommate told me I should stop wasting my time on him because he's been cheating on me. He met up with some girl he met on match.com the night before he was arrested and slept with his ex girlfriend who came to help him with some business stuff a few months ago. I had no idea about any of this sh*t. I'm officially done with this fool.

 

What I'm struggling with is: I just feel so duped. I was fooled by him and it SUCKS to say the least. He told me all these great things. Like I was such a loving, supportive woman and one of the most incredible women he's been with, but still he did what he did. Why do people do sh*t like that to people they supposedly care about and value? Maybe it was all just lip service. I'm starting to think that's the case because the guy is a legit wack job. I'm thankful that I was informed of his cheating and now I don't have to waste my time trying to help him, but it still hurts like hell.

 

He's been told that I'm done with him but he seems to think he will convince me he didn't do anything and he will get me back. He told this to a family member who passed the message on to me. "Shannon was brainwashed and I'll get her back" were his words. Crazy talk, but he really thinks he has a chance. Delusional is a good word to describe him. He thinks I'm some sort of fool apparently. I'm prepared for major stalking and harassing when he gets out of jail. I'm sticking to my guns with this for sure though.

 

And all this from a man who told me we weren't boyfriend/girlfriend. That we were just lovers. Now he's talking like I'm the love of his life and he won't or can't lose me. I don't know how to deal with this.

 

I just needed to vent about this on here. Any feedback, advice or support would be appreciated. Thanks:(

I recently did a research project on bipolar disorder--a very lengthy one, for a psychology class I was taking. He really cannot help himself for the irratic behavior he is exhibiting. This is a genetically caused disorder, so he really can't help it. Nothing he did caused this to happen. He was genetically predisposed to the illness, and what triggers the symptoms is stress. If he was experiencing some stress in his life, that is what usually triggers a manic or depressive episode. When people are manic, they lose control of themselves. They are not thinking in reality. They take huge risks because they have lost their common sense and ability to process the consequences of their behavior. They may start to gamble, go on shopping sprees, have promiscuous sex or affairs, even jump off a building thinking they can fly. They sometimes land in jail because of this inability to control oneself. It's really not his fault. It is solely because of his illness. Most people can manage bipolar disorder if they stay on medication. It sounds like this guy was not taking medication at the time of the outbreak of this episode. You really shouldn't blame him. He probably thinks that, now that he is on medication, he will be back to normal, and you will understand that it was the illness that caused his behavior, and not because he is some bad guy. I know a man who has bipolar disorder (not my husband). He's a happily married man who understands that he has to take his medication to stay healthy. He has a great job, a great wife, and a wonderful life with many friends. He's a very intelligent, kind and caring man who happens to have an illness that he has to control with medication. I can understand that you wouldn't want to deal with someone with that illness, but it really can be controlled with medication. The medication acts to block the stress hormones in a person's body so that they don't trigger the genetic receptors to cause the loss of self control.

[Imajerk17]

Hahahahahaha thank you for responding. I got a good laugh although I don't think you meant to be funny. Just struck me as humorous.:laugh:

 

That being said, I had never dated a bipolar person so I didn't know "what bipolar people do." I did know he was mentally ill, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt because that's the type of person I am. He seemed to be stable when I met him so I continued to date him. Maybe a mistake, but I try not to judge people too much when they seem like good people. He seemed like a good person. Now I know that I should NEVER date a bipolar man again. There may be some people on here that will have a problem with that statement, but so be it. I've obviously had a bad experience and won't make the same mistake twice.

 

Thank you again for your response.

 

You need to stop playing the victim. You made an obvious bad choice and you got burned. Spare the world the beautiful-sounding "I gave him the benefit of the doubt because that's the kind of person I am". Please....

[ShannonMI]

I recently did a research project on bipolar disorder--a very lengthy one, for a psychology class I was taking. He really cannot help himself for the irratic behavior he is exhibiting. This is a genetically caused disorder, so he really can't help it. Nothing he did caused this to happen. He was genetically predisposed to the illness, and what triggers the symptoms is stress. If he was experiencing some stress in his life, that is what usually triggers a manic or depressive episode. When people are manic, they lose control of themselves. They are not thinking in reality. They take huge risks because they have lost their common sense and ability to process the consequences of their behavior. They may start to gamble, go on shopping sprees, have promiscuous sex or affairs, even jump off a building thinking they can fly. They sometimes land in jail because of this inability to control oneself. It's really not his fault. It is solely because of his illness. Most people can manage bipolar disorder if they stay on medication. It sounds like this guy was not taking medication at the time of the outbreak of this episode. You really shouldn't blame him. He probably thinks that, now that he is on medication, he will be back to normal, and you will understand that it was the illness that caused his behavior, and not because he is some bad guy. I know a man who has bipolar disorder (not my husband). He's a happily married man who understands that he has to take his medication to stay healthy. He has a great job, a great wife, and a wonderful life with many friends. He's a very intelligent, kind and caring man who happens to have an illness that he has to control with medication. I can understand that you wouldn't want to deal with someone with that illness, but it really can be controlled with medication. The medication acts to block the stress hormones in a person's body so that they don't trigger the genetic receptors to cause the loss of self control.

Thank you so much for this response. I've been researching bipolar online and have discovered many of the things you stated in your post. I realize his actions are a result of his mental illness, but cheating is cheating. Would you take this man back? I can't do it. I'm not dumping him because he's mentally ill, I'm dumping him because he can't keep his d*ck in his pants. Period. Even though the two go hand in hand, I can't stay involved with a man like this.

 

Thanks for your response. It was very helpful:)

[ShannonMI]

You need to stop playing the victim. You made an obvious bad choice and you got burned. Spare the world the beautiful-sounding "I gave him the benefit of the doubt because that's the kind of person I am". Please....

Chill the f*ck out dude. Your username fits you to a T. You didn't need to post on this thread, but you couldn't resist could you. Typical @sshole. Thanks for your input. Now keep it moving:rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Imajerk17]

Chill the f*ck out dude. Your username fits you to a T. You didn't need to post on this thread, but you couldn't resist could you. Typical @sshole. Thanks for your input. Now keep it moving:rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Thank you.

 

My words struck a nerve with you because you know I am right. You were stupid and now you are paying the price. Next time if you are more careful whom you give your heart to, you might not get burned by some psycho as you were this time.

Edited October 1, 2011 by Imajerk17

[ShannonMI]

Thank you.

 

My words struck a nerve with you because you know I am right. Next time you are more careful whom you give your heart to, you might not get burned by some psycho.

I hear you dude. People make mistakes. You don't need to come on here and be a prick to people. Not necessary, is it? Your words didn't strike a nerve. I know exactly what you are saying. You could be a little nicer about it though. No need to be nasty.

[KathyM]

Thank you so much for this response. I've been researching bipolar online and have discovered many of the things you stated in your post. I realize his actions are a result of his mental illness, but cheating is cheating. Would you take this man back? I can't do it. I'm not dumping him because he's mentally ill, I'm dumping him because he can't keep his d*ck in his pants. Period. Even though the two go hand in hand, I can't stay involved with a man like this.

 

Thanks for your response. It was very helpful:)

You're welcome. And I understand that dating the man would be a big risk. Some people do have relapses caused from stress, even if they are taking medication, but many are able to prevent a relapse with a combination of medication and stress control. The promiscuous behavior really is the result of the illness, and once the illness is under control, he would not be doing that, but it's perfectly understandable that you wouldn't want to take the chance. Just don't hold it against him as a person, because he really can't help it. The portion of his brain that has to do with impulse control is not receiving the proper brain signals, and he really has no control over that.

[Imajerk17]

I hear you dude. People make mistakes. You don't need to come on here and be a prick to people. Not necessary, is it? Your words didn't strike a nerve. I know exactly what you are saying. You could be a little nicer about it though. No need to be nasty.

 

I told it to you straight and blunt, Shannon. Especially because I am sensing that you still think of yourself as this noble person for giving someone like that a chance, and that is NOT true at all. If that makes me a "prick" then I will proudly call myself that.

[CopingGal]

Hi Shannon. I see you have gotten some insensitive comments. Sorry about that. I think the fact that you still wanted to give this man a chance shows that you really have a good heart. We want to believe the best in people. We want to believe that in spite of their illnesses, there is something in them that we can connect to. Bipolar people have relationships and get married. I do not think all bipolar people are incapable. A very famous actor, Maurice Bernard has a wife and kids. He plays Sonny Corinthos on General Hospital. He is bipolar.

 

However, I suspect there are different degrees of the illness. The fact that he was so honest about his condition probably gave you hope. He should have been on medication during that time and he was not.

 

I love a man who is sick and does not even know it. I offered one day to be a "friend with benefits" since I have missed him so much since I left him. Today I came to my senses and took it back.

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. You should stay away from him and try to be strong. I know you are hurt and disappointed.

[ShannonMI]

I told it to you straight and blunt, Shannon. Especially because I am sensing that you still think of yourself as this noble person for giving someone like that a chance, and that is NOT true at all. If that makes me a "prick" then I will proudly call myself that.

Hahahaha ok prick. I do consider myself a noble person for giving someone a chance. You are correct. Think what you want about me. Your opinion means nothing to me. You can however be nice to people.

[Imajerk17]

Hahahaha ok prick. I do consider myself a noble person for giving someone a chance. You are correct. Think what you want about me. Your opinion means nothing to me. You can however be nice to people.

 

Well then, you're proud of the decisions you made, and so you got what you deserved. Good luck to you.

[CopingGal]

Shannon, don't spend time messing with that insensitive fool.

[ShannonMI]

Hi Shannon. I see you have gotten some insensitive comments. Sorry about that. I think the fact that you still wanted to give this man a chance shows that you really have a good heart. We want to believe the best in people. We want to believe that in spite of their illnesses, there is something in them that we can connect to. Bipolar people have relationships and get married. I do not think all bipolar people are incapable. A very famous actor, Maurice Bernard has a wife and kids. He plays Sonny Corinthos on General Hospital. He is bipolar.

 

However, I suspect there are different degrees of the illness. The fact that he was so honest about his condition probably gave you hope. He should have been on medication during that time and he was not.

 

I love a man who is sick and does not even know it. I offered one day to be a "friend with benefits" since I have missed him so much since I left him. Today I came to my senses and took it back.

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. You should stay away from him and try to be strong. I know you are hurt and disappointed.

Thanks for the response. Yeah I tried to give the guy a chance. I don't feel bad about that at all. It just sucks that it turned out the way it did. I'm glad I was only with him a short time and didn't fall in love with him.

 

I, myself, struggle with depression and I figured why should I judge this guy based on his illness, when I have a mental illness myself? Granted it's nothing like bipolar, but still.

 

Oh well. Onward and upward I guess.

[ShannonMI]

Shannon, don't spend time messing with that insensitive fool.

He sounds like an angry little man doesn't he?

[Imajerk17]

If telling people they made a horrible choice and to take responsibility for it is a crime around here, then I am guilty as charged. Then again, maybe you LIKE getting involved with losers because it makes you feel noble for "giving people a chance", and then coming on here and whining about it when it goes to hell.

 

CopingGal, you seem to have issues of your own. You sure you're really in a place to be giving advice? Unless Shannon really wants to have her love life turn out like your love life when she grows up...

 

You BOTH might be the nicest, sweetest people in the world, but if you keep making the decisions you you'vr been making about whom to get involved with, you'll keep coming back on here whining about stalker ex-boyfriends and offering FWB to losers who broke your heart 4 times already...

Edited October 1, 2011 by Imajerk17

[ShannonMI]

If telling people they made a horrible choice and to take responsibility for it is a crime around here, then I am guilty as charged. Then again, maybe you LIKE getting involved with losers because it makes you feel noble for "giving people a chance", and then coming on here and whining about it when it goes to hell.

 

CopingGal, you seem to have issues of your own. You sure you're really in a place to be giving advice? Unless Shannon really wants to have her love life turn out like your love life when she grows up...

 

You BOTH might be the nicest, sweetest people in the world, but if you keep making the decisions you you'vr been making about whom to get involved with, you'll keep coming back on here whining about stalker ex-boyfriends and offering FWB to losers who broke your heart 4 times already...

Ouch! Man you are out for blood! Why don't you step away from your computer and take a breather. Why so angry? Actually don't answer that. I don't care. I'm done wasting my time responding to your rants.

[Imajerk17]

Ouch! Man you are out for blood! Why don't you step away from your computer and take a breather. Why so angry? Actually don't answer that. I don't care. I'm done wasting my time responding to your rants.

 

 

I think you'd both do well instead to take responsibility for your choices and consider my point: Giving losers a chance -> serious problems down the road

[ShannonMI]

I think you would do well to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself what kind of ******* spends his time trolling people who are hurting? Isn't internet anonymity just the greatest? It lets you come on here and play the role of the arrogant *******! "Well if you do what I tell you to do you would be better off because I'm obviously right! You are being stupid for not listening to me! I know you're hurting, but I'm the king *******!". Go suck a bag of ****ty dicks!

Hahahahahaha thank you for this! The guy is a total tool. He's probably been burned by a bunch of women and is bitter about it. Or maybe he's got a really small penis. Who knows. People that act like bullies are usual lacking in certain departments.

[Imajerk17]

No, that cant be it. I'm sure that, once he listened to his self-help tapes about taking responsibility, he became severely succesful with the ladies. So much so, that coming here and trolling is his only escape from non-stop sex with a plethora of exotic women. And who can blame them? I'm also sure that he is a highly succesful self-made man who taught himself everything he ever needed to know.

 

On second thought, the "limp dick panzy in the basement" theory sounds more probable. We'll go with that.

 

That's funny man. The two of you should hook up.

[Imajerk17]

That wont happen, because she isn't the sort of gal looking for a "hook up". I wouldn't expect you to know that, though. I doubt you take the time to become familar with the people you chose to berate with your egotistical, self-agrandizing bull****. You just cut straight to the chase, right?

 

Wait, you only have 18 posts, so how do you know? Did she turn you down for the bipolar crazy dude? LOL

[Imajerk17]

Because I've read her thread from a year ago, when her partner of seven years left her for a much younger woman. I am familar with her pain and her personality. I tend to, you know, actually help people. It makes me feel good. Kind of the same way being a smug ******* behind a computer screen makes you feel good.

 

Before YOU past judgement on ME, you ought to read MY posts.

[Imajerk17]

I've read enough of your posts, of your berating this woman, of telling her that her relationship problems are her fault, of telling her to accept responsibility because she got burned by someone she took a chance on...

 

The truth hurts sometimes. I don't sugarcoat, and I stand by what I wrote. You don't screen whom you get involved with, you get burned.