cj2974 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I met a girl at work. She was not my type, had issues, and a boyfriend of four years to top it off. 3 red flags. Red flags didn't do anything for either of us. We ended up being friends and in a very short amount of time started having feelings for each other. Despite her having a boyfriend we started "dating" and seeing each other more often than usual. (Basically she started cheeting on her boyfriend with me big time... Not one of my proudest moments) feelings turned into love and here's where the situation gets bad. I love her. She says she loves me. She is still with her bf. When things got serious between her and I she realized that she needed to make a decision between us. (I know I'm probably the biggest ******* in this issue but it just happened. Like I said... She had three bright red flags that normally would have pushed me right away.) Lately she's been telling me that we always argue and that I always have a way of hurting her feelings. Half of the problem is that we txt more than we talk on the phone thanks to our work schedules and her more or less hiding me. Since the only times we have an argument or I hurt her is over txtng, I don't even realize that I'm doing it. Last night I said something hurtful (something that was probably taken out of context due to our all mighty technology) and she says she's almost reached a decision. I know she was never mine and I know this shouldn't have happened but when I fell for her I fell very hard. I don't want to lose her or let her go but I knew from the beginning that I would probably never have her at all aside from our short stolen time together. (I'm aware that there is a chance that she's been playing me but I highly doubt that with the way she is and from what I know about her before we started all of this... That fear is still there though) any advice would be great (please no plenty of fish in the sea speeches...) Link to post Share on other sites
onlyafool Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I don't mean to sound harsh bro, but your actions are the reason why most people are on LS. Me and others on this site are/have been her boyfriend in this situation. I don't think you're going to find much sympathy in that regard. Sorry my friend. Despite your feelings, I think you need to break it off. She's not available. Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickmonkey Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I disagree. SHE'S the reason why most of us are here. Cheater! You don't want her because she's a cheater. You will only be the next victim. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 i got into a similar situation with a guy i worked with - - only we were both single. we had known each other for years and i thought i could trust him. but he pretty much treated me the same way - - as a secret to be hidden. even though it wasn't a cheating situation he acted like it was one (who knows, maybe he was seeing someone - - i wouldn't put it past him). long story short i got played big time. it doesn't matter how well you think you know someone - - in situations like this - - especially yours (where she's cheating on her boyfriend with you) - - it's a whole different ball game, all bets are off and you are just as guaranteed to get screwed over as you would be if you had just met a few months ago. my advice - - cut off all contact and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I met a girl at work. She was not my type, had issues, and a boyfriend of four years to top it off. 3 red flags. Red flags didn't do anything for either of us. We ended up being friends and in a very short amount of time started having feelings for each other. Despite her having a boyfriend we started "dating" and seeing each other more often than usual. (Basically she started cheeting on her boyfriend with me big time... Not one of my proudest moments) feelings turned into love and here's where the situation gets bad. I love her. She says she loves me. She is still with her bf. When things got serious between her and I she realized that she needed to make a decision between us. (I know I'm probably the biggest ******* in this issue but it just happened. Like I said... She had three bright red flags that normally would have pushed me right away.) Lately she's been telling me that we always argue and that I always have a way of hurting her feelings. Half of the problem is that we txt more than we talk on the phone thanks to our work schedules and her more or less hiding me. Since the only times we have an argument or I hurt her is over txtng, I don't even realize that I'm doing it. Last night I said something hurtful (something that was probably taken out of context due to our all mighty technology) and she says she's almost reached a decision. I know she was never mine and I know this shouldn't have happened but when I fell for her I fell very hard. I don't want to lose her or let her go but I knew from the beginning that I would probably never have her at all aside from our short stolen time together. (I'm aware that there is a chance that she's been playing me but I highly doubt that with the way she is and from what I know about her before we started all of this... That fear is still there though) any advice would be great (please no plenty of fish in the sea speeches...) If she loves you, I don't understand why she's hanging onto the boyfriend. I don't understand how someone can profess love for another, and then go to another man and do the same. You have to stand up to her and insist that she make a choice. She can't have both. Not fair to you or the other guy. Don't settle for being second fiddle. If she won't make a choice, then leave her. Don't give her a lot of time to make that choice either. You've already given it way too much time. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyafool Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 I disagree. SHE'S the reason why most of us are here. Maybe you're right. However, he knew she was in a relationship, yet still pursued it. Shoulda waited for her to break up with her current bf before getting involved. I think both of them were lacking self-control. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 Im going to chime in here as my ex left me for a coworker and cheated on me with him. There's this saying that's all fair in love and war. In the end we learned that we picked bad apples from the barrel. It takes a lesson like this and the time to heal to learn what apples are the bad ones and which ones are possibly the good ones. As a guy, I will say that op and people like him lack ethics and morals and deserves the situation he is in now. When you play with fire, you will be burned in the end. Maybe not immediately but it will happen. Say she did leave her bf to be with you. Do you not think the same thing will happen to you in the end? Oh it will. Rest assured it will. The fact is look you see 3 red flags instantly yet you still pursued her. This is pure destructive decision making which is a win/lose scenario. You actually lost big time. Yes you got your instant gratification from having her for the time being but now you have nothing but hurt and loss. The only way to moving forward and on is to let her go and start making constructive decisions that involve only you and what your needs and wants are. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 congrats, you're the OM. I would distance myself from her as much as possible at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
ahoy Posted July 27, 2011 Share Posted July 27, 2011 You're a prick, she's a prick and her boyfriend's an unlucky prick. Sounds like anybody that goes near this chick gets ****ed over. Unlucky. Link to post Share on other sites
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