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Mental Health Question...


wilsonx

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I know what I need to do to move forward and Im doing everything possible to so. But I'm pretty ****ed up mentally. I was beat down and broken up with 3 times in 4 months and took 2 gaslightings and all my friends and my 2 bosses at work have suggested I get help. Even my roommate said you really need it. Its almost been 2 months since weve been broken up and over a month NC. I need serious help. I did not tell them the extent but in April I was trying to break up with my ex and I did not have the mental strength to end it. I tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and I just could not do it. When she broke up with me when i caught her cheating on me, I mustered up the strength to kick her ass out of the apartment but it took every ounce of strength I had. I am such a trainwreck that my body is starting to have acne on my back, my neck and my head. Ive never had acne problems my entire life. I've had this persistant cough that I have been to the DR office 4 times and the ER once and they still cant figure it out. I'm pretty sure its from the mental stress that I have endured.

 

I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep since the beginning of April. I sleep 3-4 hours on ambien and then wake up panicky. If I take a nap it usually lasts less then an hour.

 

Who should i see... Psychologist?

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Get some basics working in your favour first.

 

How's your diet? Add a vitamin and mineral supplement to your diet if you don't already take one. Increase your veg, fibre, water and fruit intake, if you're not already eating a healthy diet. Garlic is a good broad spectrum antibiotic, so eat garlic.

 

How's your personal hygiene? A good wash every day, good dental hygiene and regular hand washing all make you feel good and reduce the incidents of infections in the skin, reducing acne.

 

What about exercise? Do some if you're not already. Just a walk every day will help. If you're up for something more vigorous, do it. I like yoga. I find it beneficial spiritually, emotionally and physically.

 

Treat yourself to a massage, or a haircut and a proper wet shave by the barber. You deserve it.

 

Cut down on psychoactives such as caffeine, alcohol, dope, nicotine and any other recreational drugs you use.

 

Change your bed linen regularly. Try aromatherapy oils in a burner. Geranium, lavender and frankincense are all calming scents. Carry the geranium oil with you and put a dab on your palm then sniff it when you feel panicked. Worked for me.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. You'll get past this.

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Get some basics working in your favour first.

 

How's your diet? Add a vitamin and mineral supplement to your diet if you don't already take one. Increase your veg, fibre, water and fruit intake, if you're not already eating a healthy diet. Garlic is a good broad spectrum antibiotic, so eat garlic. I do all of the above

 

How's your personal hygiene? A good wash every day, good dental hygiene and regular hand washing all make you feel good and reduce the incidents of infections in the skin, reducing acne. I take 2 showers a day

 

What about exercise? Do some if you're not already. Just a walk every day will help. If you're up for something more vigorous, do it. I like yoga. I find it beneficial spiritually, emotionally and physically. I jog 5 miles 3 days a week, 3 days a week I do the eliptical and lift, I take one day off

 

Treat yourself to a massage, or a haircut and a proper wet shave by the barber. You deserve it. just got a haircut and shave at barber =)

 

Cut down on psychoactives such as caffeine, alcohol, dope, nicotine and any other recreational drugs you use. dont use caffeine, alcohol, drugs, or smoke

 

Change your bed linen regularly. Try aromatherapy oils in a burner. Geranium, lavender and frankincense are all calming scents. Carry the geranium oil with you and put a dab on your palm then sniff it when you feel panicked. Worked for me. I change my sheets every 3 days

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. You'll get past this.

 

answered above

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What's going on in your head that makes you panicy?

 

I have a hunch that a portion of your problem is the fact that you knew all the signs, all the tricks, all the games, all the wrong that was going on and yet you still had a fast one pulled on you. Is that what keeps you from being solid mentally?

 

That's what happened to me. I knew all of this stuff, yet I was powerless to do anything about it. Even though EVERYONE around me was telling me to do something about it (ie. end it), I didn't have the inner strength to do it. That's what keep me up at night and caused me so much internal turmoil. I was disappointed in myself, because I was weak. I avoided the obvious confrontation that needed to happen, but I was too scared to go through with it.

 

Looking back, it really had nothing to do with her. It was my own action (or rather, inaction) that caused me the most grief.

 

You have to accept it for what it was and make a mental note be more self-aware the next time you get in a relationship.

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The_Good_Me

Hi Wilson

 

Sorry to hear that you're going through this man :(

 

I would recommend booking an appointment with a doctor to talk about the issues of lack of sleep, the cough and the acne. Tell them that your symptoms have arrived around the time of your latest break up and that you wonder if it might be a psychological issue. Hopefully they will be able to confirm whether or not you should see a psychologist or not. Whether it's psychological or coincidental medical issues, they should at least run a few more tests or try a new treatment.

 

If you feel that you want to go right ahead and see a psychologist, you can always book a conference session and see what they have to say about it?

 

I wish you the best of luck with this man and hope your path to recovery is as short as it possibly can be.

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What's going on in your head that makes you panicy?

 

I have a hunch that a portion of your problem is the fact that you knew all the signs, all the tricks, all the games, all the wrong that was going on and yet you still had a fast one pulled on you. Is that what keeps you from being solid mentally?

 

That's what happened to me. I knew all of this stuff, yet I was powerless to do anything about it. Even though EVERYONE around me was telling me to do something about it (ie. end it), I didn't have the inner strength to do it. That's what keep me up at night and caused me so much internal turmoil. I was disappointed in myself, because I was weak. I avoided the obvious confrontation that needed to happen, but I was too scared to go through with it.

 

Looking back, it really had nothing to do with her. It was my own action (or rather, inaction) that caused me the most grief.

 

You have to accept it for what it was and make a mental note be more self-aware the next time you get in a relationship.

 

trust me i know this I know my mistakes (the relationship should not have lasted as long as it did, the reason it did was because she did not know who she was so she was mirroring me. Have you ever tried to break up with yourself), I just want to sleep. Look I took a psychological beating.. I havent slept in 4 months.. I just want to sleep

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trust me i know this I know my mistakes (the relationship should not have lasted as long as it did, the reason it did was because she did not know who she was so she was mirroring me. Have you ever tried to break up with yourself), I just want to sleep. Look I took a psychological beating.. I havent slept in 4 months.. I just want to sleep

 

Oh..well... warm milk works for me :)

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Cool beans. I never know what state someone is in to start with :)

 

I'd say pick someone from the book / internet and use your intuition a bit to decide on who to see. Aside from being credible (member of a recognised professional body), having a good feeling about the practitioner is going to increase what you get from the sessions. I've seen psychologists, hypnotherapists and psychotherapists. Each has their merits.

 

Have you got any concerns about seeing head doctors?

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The_Good_Me

Try some pills to help you sleep, the natural kind that you can pick up off the shelves at a chemist (or pharmacy I think Americans call em?). Try drinking a pint of milk before going to bed. I find that helps me get off to sleep a bit easier.

 

Other than that, try an intensive workout just before bed (pushups and situps until you "fail" is good). If the body is exhausted your mind doesn't have much option but to sleep to recover.

 

If I can think of any more suggestions to try, I'll pop em on here, just keep going man, try everything!

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Ive got good pills Ambian, and my roommate has Lunestra... both only give me 4 hours sleep tops

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Great - go pick one then, give them a go and see how it goes for you. It's a one to one interaction so how you two click is a major component of it working for you. Hence I say follow your gut instincts. Give them 2-3 sessions to see if you get anything from it. Then decide on whether you want to do some more.

 

Oh, and whilst I know you're on top of the basics, what do you do to relax? Jacuzzis, steam rooms, massages, are all good for just letting go in a safe place. Being cool with being relaxed is a bit of an art form, especially after a difficult relationship with a someone who'd qualify for an ERD diagnosis.

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I found hypnotherapy worked well for discrete goals such as getting a good night's sleep. Once you get used to putting yourself into a suggestible state, you can, well,, suggest things and it can be highly effective. It's tapping into your subconscious and giving it clear messages to work with.

 

The subconscious is the majority of you. The conscious mind is the tip of the iceberg. The sub, the 70% below the surface. It's simple, and powerful, and needs clear messages to work with. It's not very good with words, but it's where your emotions spring from, and it can move mountains.

 

All those affirmation things that people from Kirby vacuum sales people, nameste hippies in yoga classes, to top athletes and business leaders do? They work on nurturing the subconscious. Saying "I'm good" and "It's okay" several times a day does work. It gets through.

 

I dunno, you're bright spark so maybe you do all that already, and what you want is to delve into some pretty complex internal stuff, but being a bit more, well, soft, is what being relaxed is.

 

Something else to consider is do you wake up at a set time? Do you go to pee at that time? If so, that can be why you're only getting 4 hours sleep. You need to go pee at, say, 4am, but your in a state of hypervigilence, which makes you inclined to stay awake afterwards and worry about why you woke up, when it was just a natural circadian rhythm thing. Get up, go pee, go back to bed. Whatever worries you will still be ready and waiting at 8am for you to worry about so you might as well get another 4 hours sleep in the meantime.

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good advice what is an ERD diagnosis?

 

Emotional Regulation Disorder aka Borderline Personality Disorder. Personally, I like ERD as it's more accurate and less stigmatised.

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HeartOfAPhoenix

I feel I can relate to what you are going through mentally. For about 2 months after my breakup I was only getting a few hours of sleep per night, I never had trouble with acne and now I do, and at times I just felt mentally unstable and considered seeing a therapist. One thing you didn't mention that I went through was I would randomly have intense chest pains that would hurt to the point of me dropping to my knees, clenching my chest, and gasping for air. I never told anyone this and had just enough strength to get away from people before dropping to the floor.

 

 

I used meditation to get mentally stable and the chest pains don't happen any more. I still fight with acne now and am considering buying into the acne products that advertise on tv all the time. I have faith that you will get through this though, keep your chin up high.

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heart, damn man we both got beat down =( I get the chest pains on occasion but they arent that severe. I'll give it some time and continue reading this mindfulness book Im approaching the 2 month mark this week

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Emotional Regulation Disorder aka Borderline Personality Disorder. Personally, I like ERD as it's more accurate and less stigmatised.

 

Yea thats definitely what she has, I did not catch it until Feb of this year... By that point I was drained, but I definitely know all the warning signs so this **** wont ever happen again

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Hey Wilsonx I can understand where you are at.

 

There is no shame in seeing a professional to talk about how you are feeling.

 

I would not be where I am today if not for the help of my psychologist.At first I felt the cost was an issue but now think it has been the best money I have spent towards my healing.

 

It took two try's to find someone I was comfortable talking to.

 

She helped me see things more clearly ,things I already new but in my sad state could not process by myself

 

To me this is investing in yourself and your wellbeing what could be more important.you are worth that investment.

 

Give it a try you have nothing to loose and a lot to gain

 

Also with the sleeping tablets I had the same problem.I gave them up as a bad joke and got some over the counter "natural"stuff.No idea if it works but I told myself it would help ! And re programed my bedtime routine eg:long walk with the dog,light meal of healthy food ,relaxing bath,something positive to read.

It didn't happen overnight but got better surprisingly fast.

 

Take care of yourself and good luck

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Commonly, acne is caused by infections and blockages in lymph nodes and in sebaceous glands .

 

The lymphatic system carries away by-products from metabolism and foreign bodies such as particles of dust or bacterium that get into the body. Unlike the blood system, it doesn't have a pump and instead relies on contractions in the vessels themselves and compression caused by surrounding tissue (e.g. muscle movement) to keep lymph flowing back towards the thymus glands.

 

When we are stressed or in a state of vigilance, we contract our muscles less. They are more likely to be in a tense state. Less movement in the muscles means less lymph movement. Less lymph movement increases chances of blockages, thus more chances of acne.

 

Massage, hot baths, steam rooms, jacuzzis, non-impact multi-directional stretching exercise (e.g. yoga, pilates, tai chi) improve circulation of both blood and lymph. Better blood circulation, more nutrients; better lymph circulation, better waste disposal.

 

Multi-directional stretching exercises also improve digestive transit. Constipation has a similar effect to reduced lymphatic flow i.e. poorer waste management just in the big tube that goes through us from mouth to anus.

 

The breathing techniques used in yoga, pilates, tai chi etc. help to create a more regular heartbeat. A more regular heartbeat creates a regular signal to the brain. Regular signals to the brain from the heart means the brain doesn't need to send out doses of hormones to stop, start, speed up or slow down various processes in the body, in an attempt to make life good for the heart.

 

These autonomic mechanisms were developed before we had language or complex social orders. An irregular heartbeat probably meant poorly oxygenated water, so a splash of panic hormones would induce skeletal-muscles to contract, propelling our fishy ancestor into better oxygenated water, making the heart happy, panic over.

 

The mindfulness aspect of yoga / martial arts / Buddhism etc gets us to become more aware of our non-language based mental experience, and by doing so we become better at noticing what's happening in our bodies and reacting to, managing our bodies via our hormone responses better. That's what achieving harmony between mind, body and soul can be interpreted as.

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Thanks for posting both of you, I definitely interested in seeking a psychologist. I have analyzed the **** out of my relationship. I have an insane audible memory and can remember almost every conversation we had and the lies she spewed out the entire time. I just could not end it for some reason. I had this feeling that she either manipulated me by me trusting her as a best friend or that I fell in love with myself and she mirrored. I remember telling one of my friends I work with that we were just friends and she was not my type. Then she stopped doing drugs, stopped smoking, had the same life philosophies I did and something just sparked inside of me and it was cruise control to hell

 

Thanks betterdeal for your last post, Im going to give that a shot on fixing the acne.

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Yea thats definitely what she has, I did not catch it until Feb of this year... By that point I was drained, but I definitely know all the warning signs so this **** wont ever happen again

 

I have experience of it too. It's been 5 months since I changed my phone number and, honestly, I still have thoughts about her, but I feel incredibly better than I did 3 months ago.

 

Oddly, I now have friends who have a proper diagnosis and are outpatients at using mental health services regularly, and I am fine with it. Knowing what's theirs and what's mine has been a fantastic thing to gain from that previous relationship.

 

Being able to have compassion without feeling obliged is a great thing. It was the kick up the arse I was looking for and it took someone who was unafraid of my mental frailties to get that deep down into them and expose them. The whole mirroring thing put me in the spotlight and there was a lot of fallacies and misunderstandings to confront. It was harrowing, yes, but you can turn that bad pain into good pain. Being this self-aware whilst not being self-conscious in the painfully shy sense, is liberating. You're on a new journey now; one you'd probably not experience without that encounter with that woman.

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Lost in the Mirror is a good book on BPD if you're interested in learning more.

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Ok so I've read a lot of your posts just now, since you sparked my curiosity and sent the link.

 

I think you have done wonderfully in your NC, so congratulations to you, and keep up your strength. Dont ever forget to pat yourself on the back, we all have set backs and mistakes, but as long as you are improving in the big picture, that's what you need to focus on.

 

I don't envy your situation at all, sleep is so important, and when you don't have that, then everything is in disarray.

 

There is a reason that we are told (depressed/sad/angry/anxious) make sure you eat regularly, sleep, and exercise, because all of those affect our "mood elevators" and in the long run our physical health as well.

 

My heart goes out to you because its like your in this stress cycle, and one is in turn affecting the other, and until you turn one of the major catalyst off, it will continue.

 

There have been many great recommendations, and it sounds like you have done many of them and your trying it all.

 

I would simply consider a therapist and see what the professional recommends. You have already gone to Drs, you've taken sleeping aids, your reading, your exercising, your doing all you can and I commend you for that.

 

I think taking sleeping pills is like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound, you know what the source of the problem is, and the aids aren't working. I would go to the therapist.

 

Also, take caution with Ambien, etc, those are deeply habit forming, so I really dont like the sound of it to begin with. If they aren't helping you, cut them out. (I used to work in a Drs office, seen lots of abuse with it)

 

On a different note, reading your post about the ER, was something I kind of understand, so I can make small recommendations regarding that.

 

I used to/ do suffer from Acid Refulx/GERD, for me it is completely stress induced. While I never coughed up blood, I have been in such a state of stomach pain that I cannot walk, so I know it sucks if you dont take care of it. Oh, and by the way one of the symptoms is a dry cough. I am 100% certain my problems were stress induced.

 

I would recommend the following as it will help you recognize and or alleviate symptoms:

-not eating late (past 6 or 7)

-staying away from acidic foods/substances, coffee, citrus,sodas, ALCOHOL

-eating regularly

-no fatty foods esp at night

-no smoking, if you dont, stay away from second hand

-Dont take asprin, ibuprofin.

 

You already regularly exercise so that is great.

 

It also sounds like you are over working your body while STILL not getting enough sleep. I am reading the same book you've read, remember what the author said about self care and balance in your life? Dont forget to pamper yourself, emotionally and physically, its OK to indulge.

Go buy yourself something nice. So you already read books, any of them for leisure and entertainment or are they all self help? How do you escape on a daily or weekly basis?

 

So you take long walks/runs, do you have a gym? If you do, sit in the sauna/steam room after a long work out and unwind.

 

Just some simple suggestions, please please cut the sleeping pills out, its another problem you just don't need. When I have difficulty sleeping, I watch TV or a movie or read a book till I pass out, but something tells me that might not work on your racing panicking mind.

 

Good luck.

 

You are doing amazing for only 2 months, you should be VERY proud of yourself.

 

Go ahead...stroke your ego! :bunny:

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