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knowing you made the right choice, knowing she won't call and being ok with it.


Rudeman27

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Has anyone been in this situation, why do I keep thinking/hoping she is going to call.

 

 

We broke up again a month ago. She was older with kids, and I didn't have any. We still love each other, wanted to spend our lives together. She broke up with me first time and we took each other back. Now I have broken up with her.

My reasons were simple, and I know I made the right choice. She has a daughter who is 20 that completely runs her life. This daughter hated me for no reason and would undermine me, her and our relationship every possible chance she had. We both knew the problem wasn't with me, that her daugter had some issues and both of us believed she needed counceling. Her daughter hated every man in my ex's life. The daughter started crying uncontrollably when she found out we were dating again, would have break downs if I was over, and tell her mom I was using her, why would I want to be with her, that I was stupid because I didn't go to college, etc.

Anyway this really had a negative effect on my girlfriend, how wouldn't it. Our frist break up had alot to do with her daughter also, my ex said we would be together if other people weren't involved( while we were broke up the first time )

I told my girlfriend that this stuff wouldn't bother me the second time as long as it doesn't effect the commitment to our relationship. But it did, and I tried to be understanding. I felt like I was so understanding that I was actually losing my self worth, Thinking it was ok to be cancelled on constantly, not being able to come over for a movie, or being able to hang out with her and her other kids ( who were great, and I loved ) I finally had enough, realized I wouldn't have much of a life if this daughter had complete control over my ex and I. There was one last big insident that just showed my that consideration for us, my feelings, and our relationship would always be second to the irrational, immature and selfish whims of her daughter and I ended it.

I hate the fact that my ex was to weak to establish any boundries where here daughter was concerned. Couldn't stand up for us and allows her daughter to run her life. But I am so in love with her, I love almost everything about her. If she wanted to establish boundries and truly give us the chance we deserve I know were would make it and be happy.

It is so hard for me to believe she would rather stay with the unhealthy status quo. That being said has anyone been through something like this, how did you get away from these feelings of loss and guilt ( thinking you gave up and could have made it better ) but knowing you did the right thing.

 

Thank you for reading this long post, It would really help me if anyone has anything for me..understanding, words of encouragement, etc

 

Thanks again

Edited by Rudeman27
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light_vader

Well, interesting story.

 

While I haven't been in anything similar I will try to share my feelings towards your question:

 

how did you get away from these feelings of loss and guilt ( thinking you gave up and could have made it better ) but knowing you did the right thing.

 

If I understand correctly, you are feeling guilty?

My thoughts are. Past is past. The present is now and is what you do on it that will set you up for future.

We can't live our lives thinking about how we SHOULD have, we COULD have. The fact is, we DID NOT.

If you think you could have given more, well, guess what, you didn't. And if it was that way, it happened for a reason. Maybe it was her not standing up for you like you said (though it's understandable, being her daughter we're talking about, and I haven't analyzed a situation like this) that made you "not having done it better".

 

In my situation, what she told me for breaking up were stupid things, she even told me in rage in our last "texting" fight that I did **** for keeping her in love with me. And I could have not done things that I certainly WILL do with another partner in the future, but that's because I wasn't inspired by her behavior and other things.

 

And I know sometimes we wished there was such a thing as a Delorean waiting for us to go back in time and "fix" some things.

But in reality mistakes are good! Bad relationships are good too! Broken hearts are too! They suck at first, but if you are a winner in life you'll realize those things, once you give them a lot of thought and get the best out of the situation and basically, analyze life further, are amazing in the path to strengthen your mind, to improve your life. To know what you are, what you'll never be, what you wanna be and what your priorities in life are.

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