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Scared I'll never find anyone else


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Hi everyone,

 

Do you ever feel that you're going to be left on the shelf and never find anyone else as compatible for you as your ex? Having said that, if your ex was so great, you wouldn't be broken up in the first place!

 

It's been two months since I was dumped and during that time I haven't met a single person I could fall for long term even if I was healed and ready (clearly not after only two months)

 

I'm often told I'm "stunning" and a "fantastic catch" which may sound like lovely compliments but in fact they just make me think, well if I'm so stunning and so wonderful then why have I been dumped by someone who told me that they wanted to marry me and I was the one?! I'm now in my early 30s and want to settle down. The panic sets in when I think time is running out. I really thought I had at last found my prince after a few frogs. But it wasn't to be. We were together two years and I miss him so much. No contact has helped the healing process but a part of me longs for him to contact me, just so I know that our two years didn't mean nothing to him after all

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I will rather be single happy than to be attached/married unhappily.

 

It's only been 2 months, don't be negative.

 

well if I'm so stunning and so wonderful then why have I been dumped by someone who told me that they wanted to marry me and I was the one?!

 

If a guy really loves you, it's not because of your looks. If a guy chooses to leave you, be happy you are not with this guy who doesn't want to be committed to you.

 

You are still young, it's all start from your mind on how you see and value yourself. If you think you are old, you are old. If you think you are young, you are young.

 

Whenever a door closes, a new door opens (meaning: New opportunities, new people come) However, this new door can only be seen by you when you put your heart to move on and open up your heart and mind.

 

Start by being positive :) It helps.

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brokendreamz

Hi Rea

 

Sorry to hear your story.

 

I am in a similar boat - she left me after 8 years (the last 2 of which we were engaged).

 

I am truly heartbroken and can't see that I'll ever meet someone like her again! Infact, I find it difficult to believe I'll ever meet anyone again!

 

8 years is a long time to devote to someone and over that period all our friends partnered up - I literally don't know ANY singletons!!

 

If you'd have asked me where I'd be 6 months ago, I would have answered 'happily married with the first child en route!' instead I'm heart broken and can't see a way out.

 

My life feels so empty without her and I think it will be a long time before I feel fulfilled again - but I know it will happen.

 

I'm sure the last 2 years meant a lot to him. I don't know the whole of your story but I'm sure he still thinks about you - just not the way you want him to :0(

 

Try to stay positive and hang out on Love Shack for a while - it's really helped me to realise I'm not alone in this.

 

All the best x

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Thanks for the replies.

 

Fufu, you seem such a positive person. I've read your other posts and they are always inspirational.

 

Brokendreamz, what a sad story. I'm sorry you're hurting. I can feel your pain, I really can.

 

My ex basically went cold for a few months and I realised it wasn't in my head. He ended things with "I just don't know what to do for the best" He didn't have the courage to say it's finally over. I never heard from him again. We seemed to be perfect for one another. I was so happy and thought I would be engaged very shortly (he led me to believe this as he mentioned it time and time again)

 

I've cut off all contact with his friends/family and deleted them all (and him) from FB. My friends did it too so I have no idea what's going on in his life. It's just a shock and I find this is the best way to heal. The chances of running into him are slim. London is a big place :rolleyes: He seemed to be so in love with me and then out of the blue he changed. 18 wonderful months and 6 months of his basically being cold one minute and then being lovely again. I amplified the lovely moments into thinking they were more than they actually were because I had hope it was just a blip.

 

But I live in hope that there's someone even better out there for me and one day he'll wake up and think ut-oh, I really did mess it up with her, she really did love me. But of course, it'll be too late because I'll be happily married by then :love:

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Thanks for the replies.

 

Fufu, you seem such a positive person. I've read your other posts and they are always inspirational.

 

Brokendreamz, what a sad story. I'm sorry you're hurting. I can feel your pain, I really can.

 

My ex basically went cold for a few months and I realised it wasn't in my head. He ended things with "I just don't know what to do for the best" He didn't have the courage to say it's finally over. I never heard from him again. We seemed to be perfect for one another. I was so happy and thought I would be engaged very shortly (he led me to believe this as he mentioned it time and time again)

 

I've cut off all contact with his friends/family and deleted them all (and him) from FB. My friends did it too so I have no idea what's going on in his life. It's just a shock and I find this is the best way to heal. The chances of running into him are slim. London is a big place :rolleyes: He seemed to be so in love with me and then out of the blue he changed. 18 wonderful months and 6 months of his basically being cold one minute and then being lovely again. I amplified the lovely moments into thinking they were more than they actually were because I had hope it was just a blip.

 

But I live in hope that there's someone even better out there for me and one day he'll wake up and think ut-oh, I really did mess it up with her, she really did love me. But of course, it'll be too late because I'll be happily married by then :love:

 

Thanks :) There are times I am negative too though I tell myself not to be overwhelmed by negativity. My ex that left me 6 months ago, I was deeply hurt and depressed too.

 

I too thought my ex was the one, with engagement rings bought and plan to get engaged end of this year. Still, he left me.

 

Never mind, we will definitely find someone that will love us and committed to us. In the meantime, let's love ourselves even more first :)

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Rea-

 

Just read your post on my Age and Breakups thread, I TOTALLY understand how you feel!

 

I was so happy and proud and excited to be with my ex... I thought we were perfect and happy together, too. Well long story short, he dumped me, sort-of out of nowhere. Then for 6 months after the breakup, I got strung along. He said all the time how much he regretted leaving, how perfect, beautiful, and brilliant he thought I was, and how much he missed me and loved me and wanted to fix things...

 

Well, now he has a new GF. So while everyone says the usual "he's not good enough for you" and "you can do so much better" and "he SO isn't worth it," it isn't really effective when obviously someone else besides me thinks he's great! On top of that, he didn't have the balls to tell me he was dating someone. When I found out and confronted him about it (we were still in contact, he had every opportunity), he told me that not only did he not love me anymore, but he had NEVER loved me. Awesome.

 

So... obviously he isn't Mr. Perfect. But it's really, really hard not to put him on a pedestal. I've been trying to consider dating other people, but I still compare everyone to him. I guess it just isn't time- I hate and am over being single, and it would be so easy to forget about him if I immediately met someone else, and of course there is that pesky matter of our biological clocks starting to tick away. BUT I think that people are right when they say that we need time to heal and focus on ourselves for awhile, after something like this. And I think (I hope) that eventually, when we really start to heal, we'll truly be able to see our ex's flaws, and understand why they really weren't right for us.

 

That all being said, there is NO WAY that 2 years meant nothing to your ex, unless he is a sociopath, even if he doesn't contact you. He's just dealing with things in his own way.

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happiness0421

I am right with all of you on this one. Someone tells you that you're "perfect", that you're the "one", stays with you that long and then doesn't even really have the courage to tell you that it's over? OUCH.

 

It's quite disheartening. But I know that it is possible for someone to love you so much that they never want to let you go. My (second to last) ex and I were together for 6.5 years and he never, ever, ever let me go - even on my b*tchiest and moodiest of days. In the end, we just weren't meant to be (dissimilar values, life paths, etc.), but I KNOW that it is possible for someone to hold on to you if they really truly love and care about you. I feel grateful to have known that type of love.

 

And it's like Fufu said: as much as it sometimes sucks thinking of myself as single, I would rather be single than married to someone (like the guy I described above) that I knew I wasn't 100% happy with, or to be back with someone (like my most recent ex that dumped me) that treated me like second-hand goods at one point. In most of the relationships that I think about (family, friends, co-workers, etc.) there are about two that I know of where the couple is actually truly happy and in love with one another. Sad, right? At least we are holding out for something worthwhile; someone that is worth our time. There may be heartbreaks and lonely times along the way, but in the end, we will be the 75-year-olds with the loves of our lives while everyone else is divorced/unhappy!! :eek: (Sorry if that's kind of cynical!)

 

Best to all of you...

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I split up with my ex 8 months ago. I went through extreme period of depression and feeling completely alone and like I would never be happy again. The only thing that got me through the day was caring for my son (usually whilst crying continuously throughout) and then drinking wine and eating myself into oblivion. I hit rock bottom and went straight through...

Anyway, it took me about 6 months to start to get the pangs of wanting to move on. I was on here everyday blubbing about how I wasn't coping and just feeling really down. Then one day I woke up and it didn't seem to hurt so much. Then the next day a little less.

I was so scared to let anyone in before then really. Whenever someone chatted me up I was finding comparisons to my ex and deciding that they were no good for me before I'd even given them a chance. About 3 weeks ago I went out for a drink with a friend and was slightly intoxicated (as you do!) and had for a few days been thinking not about how life would be without my ex but more about who I was going to meet and becoming excited about being able to 'date' again. I got talking to a guy (nice looking) and we swapped numbers. That was all. No kisses, etc. And nothing came of this guy. I woke the next day and realised he wasn't my type. But it just made me see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Then, a week later I went to a party. I met someone I hadn't seen for years and we chatted and I suddenly started to see something in him. We swapped numbers and kissed (the first person since splitting with ex!) and we have been getting close.

The point I'm trying to make is, if someone told me 8, 6, even 2 months ago that I'd ever meet anyone who I would fancy or want to be with I would never of believed them. I thought my ex was the be all and end all. The fact is, we move on as human beings. I am only 24, I have my whole life ahead of me and, even if this guy isn't 'the one', the chances are I'm going to meet somebody. I now find comfort in thinking about what could happen in my future and who I am going to meet and look forward to 'love' again instead of living in the past wondering 'what if'.

It takes time but it will come, trust me. You WILL find someone else and you will look back and realise WHY it didn't work with the ex. I still get upset. I argued with my ex today and had a little cry but I would never go back. That is a chapter I have closed and I look forward to the new one.

Get out there and just 'fish'. I remember a quote from Sex and the City. It says: "Don't look for Mr. Right, look for Mr. Right Now and if they're meant to be the 'now' bit will just fall away!" :D

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willowthewisp

I totally understand how you feel, my ex of nearly 20 years left without warning (and even my IC told me there were no signs, we went over it all in therapy), right after we booked our wedding. I am 35 and have been single for 2 years now. I would love to find someone but honestly there just don't seem to be any single men my age left.

 

I was supposed to be married now, I want children and at my age it is now highly unlikely given I can't even get a date.

 

I wish I could be more positive, everyone keeps telling me it will get better, but it isn't.

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Willow, even though it was me who started the depressing "I'll never find anyone thread" I feel I need to give you some positive words! I'm so sorry to hear of your ex of 20 years did that to you. And it must be hard being single for two years. But coming out of a 20 year relationship, I really feel you would have needed that time on your own.

 

35 is NOT TOO OLD!! I understand how it feels that you'll never meet anyone given that you can't even get a decent date. But it just takes that little bit of luck to be in the right place at the right time and when fate thinks you're healed, cupid will send someone to you. I'm convinced that's how it works! You could meet someone tomorrow, have a whirlwind romance and be married with kids within a short space of time. It DOES happen.

 

And many people have kids mid to late 30s even early 40s these days. Just check out the many, many celebs who are having their first child in their late 30s.

 

Stay positive and best wishes x

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marqueemoon4

I feel like I'll meet new women, I fear I'll ever get as far as marriage again.. I know how much has to fall into place for that to happen.

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I feel like I'll meet new women, I fear I'll ever get as far as marriage again.. I know how much has to fall into place for that to happen.

 

I sort of feel the same. I've never been married, but I feel like while I'll surely date again, it's unlikely I'll fall head over heals the way I did with this guy.

 

Ok I know this sounds cynical, but I keep thinking that for all the people who do find that someone, there are people who don't. I know people who have met their partners and had children in their later 30's, and I also have friends who it just never happened for.

 

So I'm not saying it's impossible by any means, but in my case, I feel like I had my chance, and I blew it. So maybe there's something wrong with me, like I'm just not meant for that? I mean, I had the greatest guy, and I lost him...

 

I guess it goes back to the whole "if you're no longer with him, could he really have been 'the one'" question... Which I'm still not sure there is a yes or no answer to.

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Hellon, you have to remain positive. Positivity breeds positivity. And I have friends who it hasn't happened for YET. There's still time. And those friends are the negative ones who don't believe it'll happen for them. I do think it's going to happen for me. I just have to have the faith!

 

I thought my ex was PERFECT for me. Couldn't fault him. But when I now think about it, he wasn't perfect because if he was then he wouldn't have ended things. He wouldn't have been such a coward.

 

You haven't blown it - there's still hope. Some equally as good if not better. You found it once, you can find it again.

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happiness0421

Way to go, Rea! I totally agree with your last post. Positivity DOES breed positivity! Of course there are days when we are going to get into a funk, like your first post explained. But there are DEFINITELY better guys out there who won't dump us on our *sses! :laugh:

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