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Wishing, Praying, and Hoping


sunshinebaby

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sunshinebaby

Sometimes I think I'm okay. I think about how I'm going to get my body in the best shape and wear that new BCBG dress I just bought and look so good. I think about the new college I'm going to transfer to next fall. And I feel okay.

 

But then I think about where the hell am I even going to wear such a pretty cocktail dress to? I think about how I don't have him anymore on days where the skies are pretty and it feels like a good day to go to the park. I think about how much I miss him and the person he's with now.

 

I want them to be having a terrible time. Her kid bothering my ex- his new gf trying to make him be a father figure- and then I'll go on Facebook and see their wallposts about how much fun they have together. And I think, that should be me.

 

Then I watch movies like No Strings Attached or Just Go With It and I think, why isn't he coming back? He used to be all caring and cute like Kutcher's character in NSA.. Was never a jerk until this break up.

 

Then I think about finding a new guy. A real good looking one. Kinda Kutcher/Cillian Murphy blend. But then I get realistic and remember that I want him, now. I want to know again that I can see him everyday, just like I used to. And I think about how much I regret taking him for granted..

 

Then I try and read my cards. Pray. Make wishes.

 

I don't even know why I'm posting this.. How do you guys deal with this?? It's been a little over a month since the breakup. He started dating a girl he went to highschool with a week after we broke up. This coming Wednesday will mark a full month of No contact, although I have stalked his Facebook a couple of times...

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I am right there with you. I'm in that terrible inbetween stage where one moment I'm perfectly happy, strong and confident and the next I feel utterly depressed.

Ex and I split 7 months ago but dated for the first 4 months hoping to sort it out (we have a child). Then a month of nothing. A month of going out as 'friends' for family trips and now we were a month into low contact/not going out.

I posted a few times saying that I believe he is mellowing a little. He has stated that he has been with no one since the split but I don't know if I believe this or not. That's a pretty big thing to do if true! And I don't understand why he would. We met up last night accidentally on a night out and chatted and he even offered to walk me to a taxi. Things are very friendly. I had a bit to drink and mentioned that he didn't love me anymore (in a joke) to which he said that he does love me but doesn't want a relationship at this moment in time. He is now living alone in our family home while I am back at mums.

Anyway, thats where I am at the minute. Like you, I am fluctuating between emotions. I think about the fact that I have a good job and a great circle of friends and a supportive family and a beautiful healthy little boy and I tell myself I am blessed. Sometimes I feel happy on my own.

The next minute I am feeling lonely, remember having him at home and watching movies. I can't even bring myself to look at old pictures of us and just want to cry all the time.

What I would say to you is that I KNOW how hard you are having it at the minute. Take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. One thing I have found is that I don't feel as bad as I did. The 'happy' days seem to be getting more and I am becoming more comfortable in myself.

I know you are harbouring feelings for this guy and knowing he is with someone else must be exceptionally hard.

We have to hold on to the fact that we are young (you seem young anyawy! And I'm 23) and that we have a lot of life ahead of us. You will meet hundreds of people. There is a place out there for you with someone amazing and you WILL meet them one day. Think of a time in the past were you may have felt that things were never going to get bad and you have remembered that life does go on.

I lost my dad young and I tell myself that I have been able to move on from losing a parent. Losing a boyfriend is hard but it could be a lot worse. I will be able to have another boyfriend but never another dad. Life is hard sometimes but it does go on. Hopefully you will look back in a year or two and realise WHY things didn't work with ex.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON! STAY STRONG :)

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