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How do you get over someone when you realise its partly your fault.


turokturok5

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turokturok5

Some things i know now i wish i knew back then. She dumped me 6 weeks ago after we had our first few arguments and we only dated for 2 months, i was her first boyfriend. She cried and told me she really wanted to be good friends, but when i tried contacting her she seemed un-interested and said she had to go and went offline. I didn't even think, i immidiately thought she was a liar and was pathetic for pulling the famous friendship line, so i started to hate her and completely removed her from my life.

 

Whenever i saw her with our group i acted as if she didn't exist. She started getting closer with my best friend and i straight away pinned our whole relationship as a stepping stone for her to get together with him and felt as if i was used. Although she may still get together with him, i still had some really great times with her that i won't soon forget.

She has been out of my life for 6 weeks now and im starting to realise that it wasn't her fault and that she isn't a fake, but she is still the same person i started to love. There are things i could have done which would've resulted in a different, more positive outcome. Such as instead of walking away and hoping she would follow, i could've just asked her to come with me to talk, i was too stubborn though and hoped she would say something first. There are also lots of things she could've done to make things easier and make me feel less insecure and i wouldn't get back together with her if she wanted to, it was possibly because i was her first boyfriend, but she was afraid to committ to me as she was scared of being torn apart from her friends.

 

My point is, i've gotten through the last month (barely) on the basis that i despise her, hate her and that everything is her fault. Now i've finally come to realise that we both contributed to the end of our relationship. I want to talk to her and apologize for how i acted when we were dating and how i acted after we were dating, but i still have feelings for her and she has moved on. Should i wait till i don't have feelings for her anymore, or should i just let it go. Regardless im going to use what i've learnt from this relationship to make myself the perfect person for my significant other whom i won't go looking for, im hoping she'll just come to me. It just sucks that what i know now and what i could've done back then could have me sitting here right now with my first love in my arms. Is my best option to stay in no contact with her untill i have no feelings whatsoever?

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Sorry, I didn't quite understand. How did she contribute to the ending of the relationship? You state this but didn't go into detail.

 

Take care,

Eve x

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turokturok5
Sorry, I didn't quite understand. How did she contribute to the ending of the relationship? You state this but didn't go into detail.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

she started to make up excuses to not see me and started changing our plans so she could be with her friends.

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Elaborate please. Six weeks ago, how many times had you been out together? and fill me in on what happened, like when she wanted to go out with friends. Precisely, what were those circumstances please?

 

I cannot say anything more unless I know that you see.

 

Maybe others can though.. but watch out as many are in a form of pain and so may give emotional responses.

 

Cheers,

 

Take care,

Eve

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It's great that youre able to be honest with yourself and look at how you could have done better. You will need to understand that that important skill cuts both ways. You can easily put the whole burden on yourself and dig yourself into a an emotional hole that takes a long time to get out of.

 

Everyone has a first relationship. And for 99% of people that relationship ends in some uncomfortable way. You have to learn how to endure the thoughts of her eventually getting together with someone else. And the thoughts of the times you know you screwed up and acted like an ass. The big challenge is figuring out how to turn those painful things into strength. It isn't hard to learn only bitterness and self-hatred from them and completely undermine your own foundations.

 

It isn't true that what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. Be fair to yourself and her and always keep your eye on what you really want your life to be. Don't dwell on the past. Just go forward. Learning how to do that is what will make you stronger.

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