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The thin line between love & hate + burning bridges and breaking NC


silvermane187

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silvermane187

Hello strangers. This will probably be a little long.

 

I feel like venting a little bit so here we go. I'll start from the start. - she dumped me just over 5 months ago over the phone. I have had it pretty bad to say the least. I'm 22, she was my first love and we were together for 3 years. The first few days were pretty ugly with me begging then wanting to know all the details of why beyond "these things just happen" and "i just want to be single at this point in my life". She tried to break up with me 3 months earlier but changed her mind after 12 hours. I took her back on the condition that she was honest with me and let me know any problems she was having with the relationship instead of saying nothing then blind siding me with a breakup when I thought everything was going well. Anyway after demanding answers she eventually told me the last year of our relationship she was thinking about breaking up with me. An entire ****ing year she acted like nothing was wrong and didn't say anything. I gave her a pathetic tear filled hug as she left my apartment for the final time. A few steps out the door she turned around and gave me a cold hearted emotionless stare. I slammed the door shut, kicked the fire proof metal door as hard as i could nearly breaking my foot, and spent the next few days smoking copious amounts of weed in my room to take the edge off of the crushing depression. Normally I'm a very unemotional, dark humour type of guy so this was all pretty overwhelming.

 

A week after the breakup I sent an email apologizing for being so emotional and told her to take as much time as she needs so we could be friends one day. Looking back it's pathetic that I thought becoming just friends would be my best chance of getting her back. We left things on good terms and I went NC for about a month.

 

Next contact was her randomly texting me asking if I created some stalker joke facebook profile of hers. This kind of pissed me off because she questioned my honesty, and judging from the information on the page I clearly didn't make it. Regardless I ended up telling eher I missed her, she said she missed me too, we told each other to take care and went back to NC on good terms. This was when I quit smoking and started working out a lot as a way to cope. It didn't help much but it was better than what I was doing before. I still (and continue to) wake up thinking about her and no amount of exercise or distractions with friends/family/games/movies/etc could keep her out of my head for very long.

 

Next contact was me sending her a text after some crazy **** happened on the news to a place we had vacationed a couple years ago. We joked around, talked about some of our plans for the future, and once again left on good terms. A few simple texts from her temporary lifted the depression I was feeling like nothing else could.

 

A few weeks after that she sent a birthday card to my one year old nephew. I had no idea how to respond to that so I just didn't say anything and continued the NC. Even though she said she never really loved me and the last year of our relationship was a lie my hopes were still lingering that one day we would get back together.

 

Christmas comes around and I decide to send her a card with a front that I knew would make her smile with a simple "hope you are doing well -name" I never got a response, which slightly dissapointed me, but I still hadn't begun to cross the thin line between love and hate. The holidays were very hard for me. I would drink and try to act normal around my friends and family but once I was alone I would break down like it was the first week of the break up all over again. Right around christmas I get a new job that is only 10 minutes away from her apartment. I start dreaming about meeting her, just because I know seeing her would lift the cloud over my head and give me a temporary relief that I was willing to risk being rejected even further.

 

A few days after new years antoher crazy thing happens in the news involving her last job that she hated. I break NC once again with a few light hearted joking texts on the way to the gym and end it when I start working out. Over the next hour of working out I decide to take a chance. I tell her about where my new job is and ask if she wants to go for lunch or something. She tells me "thats great! but I'm not ready to see you yet". I say "ok well I'll be around". Now the resentment is starting to see a sliver of daylight. As she originally dumped me she mentioned quite a few times how my questions of wanting to know why were causing her pain and how the guilt she was feeling for breaking my heart was worse than heartbreak itself. I shoved the resentment from those comments pretty deep after calling her out for it at the time. Now they were starting to resurface, even though we left it on good terms again.

 

Here is where it starts to get a little bit ugly. A few weeks into the new year I discover she had unblocked me from facebook. I'm a logical person, I take a week to mull it over and come to the conclusion the only reason she would unblock me is if she was ready to start talking to me again. I look up her profile and see her emo display picture. She looked so sad and spectaculary beautiful at the same time that my heart sank. I send her a joking message along the lines of "hey, whats up with the sad display picture? have you taken up a part time modeling job? why did you unblock me? cheer up buttercup, you're living the dream!" 24 hours pass with no response. Once again the resentment reers it's ugly head. I send another message just asking why she would unblock me only to ignore me. A few more days go by until finally she does something that pushes me over the line into hate territory. She changes her display picture to her smiling in a restaurant with some other guy. I see it on my phone at 7am on the way to work and my emotions take over. I restain myself as best as I could and simply said "do me a favour and block me again. I don't want to see this ****. thanks for the complete mind ****".

 

Of course after ignoring me for a week she finally has 2 minutes to respond to that. Her reasoning? "i'm sorry if i caused you any pain. that's my co worker and one of my best friends. he has been my support system throughout all of this. i didn't mean to mind **** you. I unblocked you because i thought we could start to regain normalcy. I've been busy and sick so thats why i didn't respond" Ain't that some ****? "normalcy"..."support system" for the dumper? I can't just ignore a message like that. I'm firmly over the love/hate line at this point and send her another message a few hours later caling her out on her bull****. Later that night she messages me telling me she cant deal with the pain I'm causing her and to not contact her again until I can do it without caring if she responds. I tell her that means she'll never hear from me again since my feelings for her were genuine and to have a nice life. I thought that was the end. I felt like I had finally obtained some closure.

 

Until yesterday. It was a minor thing, she had invited a friend of mine to her birthday party at a club next month. He's not a mutual friend, she only knows him through me, so this resurfaced all of the negative feelings I had for her. I was on the bus ride home when my friend told me. Before hand I was excited about playing a new game I had just bought. I had spent all day looking forward to playing it. Once I heard of the invite I started literally shaking with anger. WTF does she think she's doing pulling a stunt like that. I say **** it and decide to burn the bridge if she thought there was anything left.

 

Me: Don't ever ****ing invite one of my friends to anything ever again

Her: who is this? (I got a new number)

Me: It's (name)

Her: I'm sorry, it must have been an accident

Me: Go **** yourself.

 

So that's it. The end. Over. Donezo. Five months of wanting her back only to completely burn down any hope I had left because of some bull****. The funny thing is I still ****ing love this girl. Even though I hate her, I love her. Now I'm at the point where hopefully the hate and resentment can chip away until there is no love left so I can get over it. In the mean time life goes on. I still wake up thinking about her every day. I can't go more than a couple hours without thinking of her once I get myself busy. I hope someone enjoyed reading this.

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giveittofate

Hey man, just want to say I did enjoy reading this. I'm quite similar to you it seems. I was always a very upbeat, sarcastic dude, who never really experienced depression or overwhelming feelings of pain or heartache, until my girl called it quits 3.5 months ago. Like your girl, mine mind ****ed me quite a bit til I finally cut her off. When he initially broke up, she acted as if she was fine with the decision and where her life was headed, not much remorse or feelings at all (even though she was the one all along who always wanted to make our relationship move faster..I think it's an Italian thing...She saw her friends getting engaged and cousins having babies and I think she wanted that too quickly, I mean **** she's only 21 and i'm 24 and no where near ready for that yet, and that wasnt good enough for her...it was on her terms or nothing)

 

anyways the first month of the break up I tried to get her back and did all the "mistakes" begged, pleaded, cried....I don't necessarily think those are mistakes...it just shows we're human and HAVE a heart...she on the other hand started clubbing, partying more, and was quite cold hearted towards me...i finally sent a goodbye email expressing my love and hopes for he future and wishing her the best....1 month went by til she came back in my life with a weak attempt (at first it seemed legit, but i think it was only to sooth her guilt) anyways she told me how sad, depressed, and broken she was, and know one knows because shes such a hard ass...she then asked me to grab drinks, to which i declined...because I wanted to make sure this just wasnt a "friend" thing...so after a while of talking and communicating again, i said drinks sound good...to which she ****ing said, "well maybe it's not a good idea, i wouldnt want to ruin our civelness".....dude you have no idea how much I wanted to tell her to go ****herself, and call her every name in the book...but that would just make her see I'm a dick or whatever and solidify why she ended things, so I merely told her how hurtful her mind**** was, and what goes around comes around....I then sent her a final message saying that I still loved her and cared, yet I'm a good guy and deserve the same treatment...i also explained how i dont want to communicate with her as a "friend" so unless she ever gets her heart and mind back to the person I fell for that I don't ever want to speak with her again.....thats was 3 weeks ago and I've been NC since.

 

like you I still ****ing love that girl and not a day goes by where I dont think about her, yet I realized that people do change and the person she has become I ****ING HATE! I pretty much did everything like you did except blow up on her and call her names...i'm hoping by leaving a bigger man one day she'll remember how good I was and have it hit her like a truck and by then i'll have a new girl who respects and fights for our love...I believe in karma, so she'll get hers....but man I'm with you...sucks ass that after 3 months i still have her in my mind frequently.

 

how about you? have you gotten better threw these past 5 months? any glimpses of getting your life back on track? I know I'm definitely better than the initial month (which was right around the holidays) dude i was in such a dark place man, and like you i had to have a few extra cocktails to appear normal around all the family and damn questions they asked about "where is she?" "what happened"...so glad thats over. I will say right now I still have down times and moments of sadness everyday, but they seems to be breaking very gradually....hope the same is happening for you brotha.

 

just remember there's someone out there much more deserving of our love and what we have to offer....cheers, to karma getting their asses

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silvermane187
how about you? have you gotten better threw these past 5 months? any glimpses of getting your life back on track? I know I'm definitely better than the initial month (which was right around the holidays) dude i was in such a dark place man, and like you i had to have a few extra cocktails to appear normal around all the family and damn questions they asked about "where is she?" "what happened"...so glad thats over. I will say right now I still have down times and moments of sadness everyday, but they seems to be breaking very gradually....hope the same is happening for you brotha.

 

Hey buddy thanks for replying :)

 

In the past 5 months I've managed to get a better paying job, quit smoking, get in decent shape, save up a bunch of money, and make some legit plans for the future to follow my dream. My life is a lot more on track than it ever was before because I was content just being with her. Having your heart crushed by the one person you completely trusted and cared about can be one hell of a motivator once you get past the suicidal depression of the first few weeks/months.

 

As for being the bigger man...yea I had that going until yesterday. Even after the complete mind **** of her posting that picture on FB I never insulted her in anyway. It didn't make me feel any better because I know she probably shrugged it off like nothing while I've been obsessing over it for the past 24 hours. At the same time I'm happy that I finally told her off because now I know for sure she'll never want to talk to me again. Then again the thought of never talking to her again reminds me of all the good times and makes me depressed like nothing else can. It really sucks being so conflicted.

 

At least I can say I gave it my best shot. For someone to hide their true feelings for a year and break it off without trying to make it work only goes to show what a pathetic piece of **** coward they really are. The amount of time, money, and emotion I put in to that last year in retrospec was a complete waste. The part that annoyed me the most about the entire break up was how she would say that I was casuing her pain by not just accepting the break up and turning my feelings off like a light switch.

 

*sigh* Gonna finish up at work then try to sweat out my hangover at the gym. Whiskey and scottish liquior for dinner was not the best way to cope.

Edited by silvermane187
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giveittofate

dude, that's awesome about all the success and motivation you've had with bettering your self and lifestyle, that will only give you a brighter future with the next relationship you get in. As for as just being so content with being with the girl is quite easy...i found myself often times going against who I was and things I'd aspire to be just because it was easy and that's what she wanted...I'm almost ashamed to admit that when we broke up, I initially told her I would never miss a day of church with her and told her getting engaged and married in a few years was very possible and what I waanted (however, my 24 years lived up to that I've been an agnostic, who's cool with whatever religon she chose it just wasn't in my belief system, and I never wanted to be married til we're both financially sound and ready to mature out of being kids still...i'm a big kid at heart and i never saw a need to rush into the biggest commintment of our lives so young) it just shows how much control and how we use desperate measures when we're in such horrific, helpless states....**** man, no one should make you change who you are, they should accept you for you, otherwise it's just not right...took me a long time to figure that out.

 

I feel for ya man with that whole year of hell she put you through...that's beyond cold and I could only imagine the hurt and feeling of being used and not respected for that amount of time...trust me they'll get theirs. I'm a firm believer in "what goes around comes around"...there's a reason why the divorce rate is over 50% and its because of people like our exes...I know fully that i (and sounds like you too) are the type of people to go through tough times only to come out better in the end...when i make a commitment and love someone I'll do all in my power t make things work and make us right...life is about living, messing up, yet learning for the future....takes 2 though to make that happen.

 

and wow, the part about her being upset you don't have a magic switch to turn on/off your heart and feelings sounds a lot like my ex...never could and probably never will understand how people can just have that switch and turn so cold, and down right heartless so fast...pretty scary **** man, but the way I look at it is it's better we found out now that they can turn into heartless robots then if we were together, married with kids and a nice home....so that's a positive we can take from our situation...really could be much worse...yeah, that was what hurt and annoyed me more than anything too.

 

well, it's good to know that positives are coming from this heartwrenching hell you went through...and **** who said enjoying a few (or 10) cocktails in a night cant be therapeutic...I plan to participate in some heavy drinking this saturday, and plan to have a kickass time...we all need that outlet once in a while.

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In THE very same boat here guys, my ex did basically what your exes did to you guys... she systematically destroyed my self steem as a person, as a boyfriend at any level she possibly could (i´d never undestand why she did it since i treated her like a princess) ... she disrespected me by flirting with other guys and even spining it saying that i was an insecure person for pointing that out... she knew every trick on the book to f!"#$ with my mind and she did for sure....

 

Like in your cases i loved her SO much and so uncondicionally that i tried to roll with those punches until one day she dumped me... now she´s angry at me because she wants to be friends and i told her flat out NO , it´s been 6 months since she dumped me and not a single day has passed without me remembering her, missing her, or even hating her... but she´s always in my head for the wrong reasons...

 

I´m trying to survive thinking that this will not last forever.

 

There are two things you guys said that i really think are spot on: Silvemane, you said that your life in general it´s better because before you were just happy by being with her, SO TRUE, i was doing the same, and even though after she dumped every day to me it´s a mental struggle filled with sadness i´m doing way better in my job, and i´m realizing how much money this gal was taking from me. Now, when a loving caring and deserving girl will come into my life, i´ll have enough saved to travel the world with her or buy a house... with the ex... all my money was to finance her never ending need to go to expensive restaurants and drink champagne, every two days!! it was insane...

 

Giveittofate , i too believe in karma, it´s not going to be in the instant way we would love to happen (like us hooking up with a supermodel next week) but i do think that in general people that are bad persons (and yes our exes are really bad persons) later in life will end up divorced, fat, unhappy or in a hell marriage... karma will catch up to them, but not as soon as we would like... so our best course of action is to learn from our hell.relationships and move forward....and hopefully if we hear that their life is miserable in 5 or 10 years we´ll no longer even care about them at all... one cannot go doing bad deeds in life and expecting good results..

 

Unfortunatelly i´m not Gandhi so i don´t wish beautiful things to a person that deliberately treated me like garbage....

Edited by ccfan
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giveittofate

ccfan, you're just keeping it real...I never understood how people can say "oh wish them luck in the future and nothing but the best"...F that noise...I don't wish anything terrible upon them, but I certainly don't wish them nothing but the best...I can really say that I don't really cares what happens to my ex, because down the road i plan to find someone much more deserving of me and all I can bring to a relationship and will stick by my side...but I definitely can say how fun, and badass that would be to run into my ex in 5 years...see her fat, bald husband and see her letting herself go with like 4 kids...haha, say what you will, but I think I'd definitely walk away with a smile.

 

Right now we may be the one's who got F'd over hard by our exes, and we're the ones suffering, while they're out prancing around like soulless robots, but one day it'll catch up with them like you said and karma will give them a nice smack in the face...and hopefully by then we'll have it all together and be living the life with complete happiness

 

I really think you have to feel the lowest lows to reach the highest highs...so in time we'll be back on top...let's just hope this ride isn't too much longer.

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ccfan, you're just keeping it real...I never understood how people can say "oh wish them luck in the future and nothing but the best"...F that noise...I don't wish anything terrible upon them, but I certainly don't wish them nothing but the best...I can really say that I don't really cares what happens to my ex, because down the road i plan to find someone much more deserving of me and all I can bring to a relationship and will stick by my side...but I definitely can say how fun, and badass that would be to run into my ex in 5 years...see her fat, bald husband and see her letting herself go with like 4 kids...haha, say what you will, but I think I'd definitely walk away with a smile.

 

Right now we may be the one's who got F'd over hard by our exes, and we're the ones suffering, while they're out prancing around like soulless robots, but one day it'll catch up with them like you said and karma will give them a nice smack in the face...and hopefully by then we'll have it all together and be living the life with complete happiness

 

I really think you have to feel the lowest lows to reach the highest highs...so in time we'll be back on top...let's just hope this ride isn't too much longer.

 

Two great poins giveittofaith!!

 

Yes, me neither... and like you said it´s not about wishing them bad stuff at all.. but more like a couple of smacks that will make them balance out their actions in life... i know i got mine when i haven´t behaved at my best. I really cannot go the spiritual "i wish her all the best, and always be there for her" route with my last ex as i´m convinced she is one of the lowest human beings i´ve ever met.

 

My ex before this one was a really decent nice girl and things just didn´t work out, to that girl i really wish the best, and even maybe to get back together one day as i realize how unique of a human being she is, but my current one ... another story for sure, and like you, i´ll smile when i´ll see that karma has catched up with her.

 

In the case of my ex she´s an extremely superficial tv host in a horrible superficial tv show (my mistake was to be convinced that deep down she was such a beautiful person waiting to be saved, when all my friends and family told me she was nothing but trouble) .. she´s 27 and she´s hot now, but she has a strong tendency to get fat and loves to eat at all times/ never exercise... so it´s a time bomb of when she will loose the only thing she has going for her (her looks) and then a hundred younger, hotter girls will try to replace her spot ... funny thing is that even if she gained 50 pounds i´d still love her with all my heart and treat her like a princess, like i always did, i don´t think she´ll find an unconditional love like that so easy in life again..... but she decided to manipulate me and f"#$# with my mind in a way that i hope i´ll never have to encounter again.

 

You are right, we are at our lowest now, but we´ll rise to the highest again, and there is someone or several beautiful girls inside and out outthere that REALLY deserve this kind of love... hope the wait it´s not too long.. but in all honestly, i rather spend 10 more years alone than to date a girl like this ever again...!

Edited by ccfan
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Two great poins giveittofaith!!

 

Yes, me neither... and like you said it´s not about wishing them bad stuff at all.. but more like a couple of smacks that will make them balance out their actions in life... i know i got mine when i haven´t behaved at my best. I really cannot go the spiritual "i wish her all the best, and always be there for her" route with my last ex as i´m convinced she is one of the lowest human beings i´ve ever met.

 

My ex before this one was a really decent nice girl and things just didn´t work out, to that girl i really wish the best, and even maybe to get back together one day as i realize how unique of a human being she is, but my current one ... another story for sure, and like you, i´ll smile when i´ll see that karma has catched up with her.

 

In the case of my ex she´s an extremely superficial tv host in a horrible superficial tv show (my mistake was to be convinced that deep down she was such a beautiful person waiting to be saved, when all my friends and family told me she was nothing but trouble) .. she´s 27 and she´s hot now, but she has a strong tendency to get fat and loves to eat at all times/ never exercise... so it´s a time bomb of when she will loose the only thing she has going for her (her looks) and then a hundred younger, hotter girls will try to replace her spot ... funny thing is that even if she gained 50 pounds i´d still love her with all my heart and treat her like a princess, like i always did, i don´t think she´ll find an unconditional love like that so easy in life again..... but she decided to manipulate me and f"#$# with my mind in a way that i hope i´ll never have to encounter again.

 

You are right, we are at our lowest now, but we´ll rise to the highest again, and there is someone or several beautiful girls inside and out outthere that REALLY deserve this kind of love... hope the wait it´s not too long.. but in all honestly, i rather spend 10 more years alone than to date a girl like this ever again...!

 

I think its that industry dude. I'm in the same boat. I have a family member who went through that too (tv host as well). I think they all so selfish that being selfish almost seems normal. Watched her grow from waiting tables to eventually flirting her way into that soul-less industry. I watched her change all her morals in the last year. I like the rest of you was so perfectly happy to be with her that I put my life and dreams on hold. It was unconditional love all the way. To me if a job was going to take me away from her I would find another one.

 

I think since they had it so good, they assume they can find that anywhere. From any guy who gives them attention. Now she doesn't have a true friend in the world. They will all just use each other and try to find their place on top.

 

It will take her years of experience to see how good she had it. If it wasn't for me she never would have been able to try all these opportunities. she would have had to work her ass off to get a decent paying job and still wouldn't have achieved what I have. She took the free ride till she didn't need it anymore and bailed. Had her new man the next day. The most cold hearted thing I have ever seen or heard another human being do to their SO.

 

tired of talking about her already...

 

To a brighter future

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silvermane187

Well today I woke up thinking of her liek every other morning for the past 5 months. The difference was instead of just having a hallow feeling of missing her it was just resentment and hate. I laid in bed for 10 minutes before I got up just repeating insults in my head, all of things I wanted to say over the past 5 months but didn't.

 

"I can't wait to see you end up fat and alone in 20 years just like your mother"

 

"Just because your step dad hit your mom after she dumped him when you were a kid doesn't mean you get to say our relationship involved violent conflict you cold hearted selfish bitch"

 

"I hope one day someone you truly love will decide you're not worth the effort of even trying to talk things out after years together so you can understand what kind of a ****ty pathetic human being you are"

 

Then I just repeated go **** yourself over and over in my half asleep mind. Yup, the hatred is offcially deep seeded.

 

I wish I could say my ex was a shallow TV host or something like that. The truth is once she finishes this last semister of university it's only a matter of time until she lands a job that pays double mine. She has a lot of things going for her other than her looks. I started working after highschool and did a lot to support her over the years. When she dumped me she said "we're just different" as to say because she was about to finish university she was too good for me now. No doubt she thinks she can do better than me now that she spent the past 3 years having me boost her self confidence. In her mind I was just another goal to strike off her bucket list on the way to bigger and better things. My brother in law used to joke a couple years ago when me and my ex started to get serious that I was just a university project. Turns out he was right.

 

I don't believe in karma at all but I hope you guys are right.

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I think its that industry dude. I'm in the same boat. I have a family member who went through that too (tv host as well). I think they all so selfish that being selfish almost seems normal. Watched her grow from waiting tables to eventually flirting her way into that soul-less industry. I watched her change all her morals in the last year. I like the rest of you was so perfectly happy to be with her that I put my life and dreams on hold. It was unconditional love all the way. To me if a job was going to take me away from her I would find another one.

 

I think since they had it so good, they assume they can find that anywhere. From any guy who gives them attention. Now she doesn't have a true friend in the world. They will all just use each other and try to find their place on top.

 

It will take her years of experience to see how good she had it. If it wasn't for me she never would have been able to try all these opportunities. she would have had to work her ass off to get a decent paying job and still wouldn't have achieved what I have. She took the free ride till she didn't need it anymore and bailed. Had her new man the next day. The most cold hearted thing I have ever seen or heard another human being do to their SO.

 

tired of talking about her already...

 

To a brighter future

 

Timchambo... thanks for your words, it´s good to hear that i´m not crazy to think that the "tv" world it´s mostly filled with selfish, empty/beautiful people. What happened with your family member??, did he cut all contact with her and erase her channel from his tv?? (that´s what i did) like in you friends case my ex was from a very humble background and was so obsesive to erase that and pretend to come from money that she actually was showing more and more were she came from. I told her over and over that if she wanted to move up, she should go and learn english (spanish is our language) take vocal lesson and so on... but she was mostly happy with her big fake boobs and flirting with guys all day long...

 

funny thing is that i´m in a "cousin" industry as well, music and although in music there are always selfish people , in general i find the people i work to be decent, intelligent and caring for the most part... my gess is that in music at the very least you have to learn your instrument to put the food on the table, but in tv, just to show a cleveage with a couple fake books seems to do the job...

 

 

"I put my life and dreams on hold"

 

It interesting how we work when we truly love someone, i too put my life and dreams on hold and reduced my drive to excell at work to a minimun, if i made enough money to cover my/her expenses, then i was fine as my priority was to be with her... boy was i wrong... i think this shows that we are human and we care for them to a point were they don´t even deserve such atention... some other nice girl yes, but not our exes for sure

 

I think since they had it so good, they assume they can find that anywhere

This is as spot on as it gets timchambo... we treated and spoiled our exes to a point they took totally for granted to receive unconditional love and not having to do anything to earn it... sadly they only way, IF, someday they realize how of a bad persons they were is when they hook up with other relationships and they see how it´s like in the real world and not in the magic bubble we created for them... like i said in another post this kind of change usually happens in the long run... 5 years or more... and hopefully by that moment we would probably not even want or care to speak with them....

 

stay strong friend, and go FULL NC at all times

Edited by ccfan
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@silvermane

 

Sorry to hear that bro, i´m also around 6 months since she dumped me and i´m SO in the anger stage like you are now... i just want to tell her everything i didn´t because i was trying to be a decent person with her... in all honestly i don´t know how to deal with this anger, but my guess is that this will pass as well, it´s just another stage... or at least i hope that.

 

You know... it´s doesn´t matter if your ex will be the CEO of a company in a couple years, you have to realize (like i´m triying to) that she is a mean, mean person... and that even with all the pain you have now, you came out on top of this situation, let me explain: fast forward for a sec a few years, let say you get married to this girl.. do you really want her dna in your children?? do you think living with her was going to be a picnic? do you think she was going to be faithful?? i can tell you rigth now it was going to be a nightmare brother... you (like i) just dodged a big bullet, we cannot see it now as we are TOO hurt... but now our exes are or will be some other guys problem...

 

and believe me they are nothing but trouble... never question that for a sec....

 

that being said.. karma very likely will catch up to them...

Edited by ccfan
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Timchambo... thanks for your words, it´s good to hear that i´m not crazy to think that the "tv" world it´s mostly filled with selfish, empty/beautiful people. What happened with your family member??, did he cut all contact with her and erase her channel from his tv?? (that´s what i did) like in you friends case my ex was from a very humble background and was so obsesive to erase that and pretend to come from money that she actually was showing more and more were she came from. I told her over and over that if she wanted to move up, she should go and learn english (spanish is our language) take vocal lesson and so on... but she was mostly happy with her big fake boobs and flirting with guys all day long...

 

funny thing is that i´m in a "cousin" industry as well, music and although in music there are always selfish people , in general i find the people i work to be decent, intelligent and caring for the most part... my gess is that in music at the very least you have to learn your instrument to put the food on the table, but in tv, just to show a cleveage with a couple fake books seems to do the job...

 

 

"I put my life and dreams on hold"

 

It interesting how we work when we truly love someone, i too put my life and dreams on hold and reduced my drive to excell at work to a minimun, if i made enough money to cover my/her expenses, then i was fine as my priority was to be with her... boy was i wrong... i think this shows that we are human and we care for them to a point were they don´t even deserve such atention... some other nice girl yes, but not our exes for sure

 

I think since they had it so good, they assume they can find that anywhere

This is as spot on as it gets timchambo... we treated and spoiled our exes to a point they took totally for granted to receive unconditional love and not having to do anything to earn it... sadly they only way, IF, someday they realize how of a bad persons they were is when they hook up with other relationships and they see how it´s like in the real world and not in the magic bubble we created for them... like i said in another post this kind of change usually happens in the long run... 5 years or more... and hopefully by that moment we would probably not even want or care to speak with them....

 

stay strong friend, and go FULL NC at all times

 

My cousin's ex lost her gig and left for a different market. So he didn't have to worry about seeing her. I don't think they talk now. They tried for a while, but her selfish ways were just too much.

 

Ya my ex was pretty humble for years while we dated. She got around that crowd and would then start name dropping all the time when we went out. Used to drive me crazy. As if people really care. Sure its exciting for her, but nobody else gives a ****. Shes lost man...total lost cause. Her life will be a roller coaster. Moments of pure fun, moments of lonelyness, and no money to be made since shes not on screen. There are reasons those people are ALL single. I feel sorry for her parents who are going to have to shoulder the load till she figures her life out now.

 

I have no interest in being her friend. Shes a completely different person. Used to be the most sweet, fun girl I have ever met. Shes probably fun to the new people in her crowd, but far from sweet. What she just threw away was worth so much more than that shallow life style. Worst part of it is it cost me too. Its literally like the death of my loving wife. Gone forever. She will never change.

 

Now I need to re-discover my dreams. Its been so long I lost track. I am hoping its just a cloud over my head right now because of the sudden loss.

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silvermane187
@silvermane

 

Sorry to hear that bro, i´m also around 6 months since she dumped me and i´m SO in the anger stage like you are now... i just want to tell her everything i didn´t because i was trying to be a decent person with her... in all honestly i don´t know how to deal with this anger, but my guess is that this will pass as well, it´s just another stage... or at least i hope that.

 

You know... it´s doesn´t matter if your ex will be the CEO of a company in a couple years, you have to realize (like i´m triying to) that she is a mean, mean person... and that even with all the pain you have now, you came out on top of this situation, let me explain: fast forward for a sec a few years, let say you get married to this girl.. do you really want her dna in your children?? do you think living with her was going to be a picnic? do you think she was going to be faithful?? i can tell you rigth now it was going to be a nightmare brother... you (like i) just dodged a big bullet, we cannot see it now as we are TOO hurt... but now our exes are or will be some other guys problem...

 

and believe me they are nothing but trouble... never question that for a sec....

 

that being said.. karma very likely will catch up to them...

 

I find the only way to constructivly deal with the anger is to work out. The first month after getting dumped I lost 10 pounds by having no appitite and binge drinking. I was already pretty skinny at 5'8 140 before so it wasn't a pretty sight. Once I quit smoking and started going to the gym to channel my anger I got my appitite back and generaly started to cope with it better on a day to day basis. Now 4 months later I've got my weight up to 150 and I have semi respectable cardio where before I couldn't run for 10 minutes without dying. So yea, if you're having issues with anger that's the best thing to do in my experience.

 

As for dodging the bullet..yea you're probably right. Kids and marriage would have been yeeeears away though. It's funny because 3 months before the breakup she tried to dump me and we ended up getting back together after talking it over for a few hours. Her reason then was we didn't spend enough time together and she wasn't sure if I loved her. I fixed those problems and we decided to give it another try. Fast forward to the real break up and her first reason when I asked why she was dumping me was that she felt trapped. No matter what I did for this girl it wasn't good enough. Now I know from personal experience what wiser men than me mean when they say women have no idea what they want. I'm a very loyal and honest person, I guess expecting that out of a female that claims to love you was too much to ask. At least now I'll know what to expect the next time I think I'll start to trust a girl.

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giveittofate

@ccfan

 

"You know... it´s doesn´t matter if your ex will be the CEO of a company in a couple years, you have to realize (like i´m triying to) that she is a mean, mean person... and that even with all the pain you have now, you came out on top of this situation, let me explain: fast forward for a sec a few years, let say you get married to this girl.. do you really want her dna in your children?? do you think living with her was going to be a picnic? do you think she was going to be faithful?? i can tell you rigth now it was going to be a nightmare brother... you (like i) just dodged a big bullet, we cannot see it now as we are TOO hurt... but now our exes are or will be some other guys problem..."

 

This type of mind set with looking into the future has been a little aid in me feeling better about the breakup...My ex was going to get into nursing, she's currently in school now and working at an urgent care. She doesn't handle stress or adversity too well and would often times come home talking **** about people coming in to urgent care or making fun of poor families, and often times would cry when people their would get angered for waiting or what not....I love how she says she's such a "compasionate, caring " person, yet can talk so much **** about all these people...what a HYPOCRITE! I could only imagine how she'll react and be once she's working those ****ty long 12 hr shifts that nurses work the first few years they get in....My god her bitchness would be unbearable, plus you throw paying bills and kids into the equation, she'll probably be a wreck of out of control emotions to live with....so I CANT AGREE MORE with you when you said this might be a blessing down the road for us to get out now, before we got even further committed (house, children, marriage) so fella's lets be thankful for that, because it seriously could be much worse and a much, MUCH bigger hole to climb out of.

 

I got 2 questions for you dudes that i hope you can give some input to

 

1st-do you think the apple doesn't fall far from the tree? like will most girls turn out to be like their mom? if that's the case I'm the luckiest sob ever, because her mom is absolutely crazy and would drive me beyond insane with her yelling and WAYYYYY over the top dramatic attitude....i see shades of that in my ex already (plus 3 divorces by 38)

 

2nd- There's this huge club party my good friend is DJ'ing this saturday..it's at one of the biggest clubs in the city and I'll be able to get in for free and get hooked up because of him (although i much rather be having a few beers watching football, im not a big clubber) anyways there's a good chance my ex will go and all and I havent seen her in 3 months, and I won't lie I'm pretty sure it would mess me up to see her, especially with another dude...i'd prob feel a little sick to my stomach....with that said should I go? I really don't want to live my life in fear of seeing he. and I want to get my social life back on track, yet I don't want my progress to be thrown back because of that...any advice on that one?

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silvermane187

Personally I would avoid any place with a chance of seeing my ex. Forgot the ego telling you that you don't want to let her control your life, if seeing her is going to ruin your night it's not worth it. I know if I went out drinking and saw my ex with another guy my heart would sink and I would switch in to top gear on a one way street to blackoutville.

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giveittofate:

 

In my opinion, people are usually like their family, so if you want to see how a person is in reality, the best way it´s to look at their family and how do they relate to them, ususally screwed up people come from families with tons of inner problems, not always but it´s safe to say that in most cases. Yes, it´s definetely NOT a good sign on your exes mental state that her mother is only 38 and already has 3 divorces...

 

Regarding the big club party... i´d personally stay away from it... it´s not about been afraid to see her but more to not reopen the wound as you are in the healing proccess... if you see your ex there it will set you back for sure, and if you see her with another dude it will ruin not only that night but week afterwards... definetely do some other plan for that night and avoid your ex like the plague...

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silvermane187

Well it seems like that hollow empty feeling has officially replaced the hate once again. At least this time I don't have that hope in the back of my head that she might change her mind. I'm not sure if that's progress or not. I wish there was a pill I could take to erase her from my mind. I keep catching myself smiling thinking about good memories we had, then I remember the current situation like a punch to the gut. Life's a bitch like this.

 

Anyway I met one of my new years resolution fitness goals already. Set some personal records this week. I'm taking tonight off and plan to drink heavily while playing some online games with some fellow nerds. Hopefully at the end of the night I don't fell like breaking down because I can't stop thinking about bitchface once again. Oh well the few hours of relief with a buzz and distractions are worth it.

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giveittofate

silvermane, glad to see you've accomplished all these goals despite facing such adversity...big ups man, thats hard to do and concentrate with so much unhealthy crap on ones mind...and it's a rollercoaster ride this recovery, so remember ups and downs are completely normal...I was all down for the first 2 months, but now I have breaks and things look up and I feel somewhat happy at times, only to be followed by a little breakdown....just part of the healing I guess, but I'll take the baby steps as longs as I'm on the right path.

 

And i've decided to go to the big Club party my friend is dj'ing tonight....i'm sick of her ruining so much in my life and me having to live like a hermit in fear of seeing her...I fully understand that seeing her, especially with a new man might devastate me, but i'm sick of living in fear because of her..who knows seeing her could maybe even help me with closure more (There even is a slight possibility she wont even be there, but knowing her and how her and her wannabe kardashian friends are, they just HAVE to be at the most "happening" clubs"...i really don't know how i'll react...anyways wish me luck guys for a great night out...i need it.

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giveittofate

ha, thanks man....cheers to us and meeting that right lady when it's right.

 

and if things go bad and backfire in my face...those 3 magic words will be...jager bomb please! prob 10 times throughout the night

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but knowing her and how her and her wannabe kardashian friends are, they just HAVE to be at the most "happening" clubs"...i really don't know how i'll react...anyways wish me luck guys for a great night out...i need it.

 

Oh man... that is SO like my ex as well.... i´m stealing the "Kardashian Wannabe" term. It just fits my ex like a glove... mine and her broke pretend-to-be-rich just have to had their "fix" of happening clubs at least once a week, no wonder they didn´t have a penny in the bank and my exs credit card was always being denied, hence, me going to the recue...

 

Please let us know how did the club go... hopefully you´ll have an awesome time and she was nowere to be seen

 

Silvermane: congrats on realizing that having hope that she´ll change her mind will happen, that´s a huge step forward in the healing.. no doubt there are going to be days were you´ll be missing here like crazy, but you are getting out of the limbo of wishing that she will someday change her mind... thats a huge progress!!

 

One thing that i have in mind is the dreaded day that well bump into our exes, at a mall or wherever ... i thought about no kiss on the cheek or anthing just a quick hello... but i´m not sure.. have you guys thought about it??

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silvermane187

I think about what would happen if I bump in to her all the time. Now I'm at the point where I think I would just flip her off and walk away. Note to self: Don't get drunk alone while listening to songs that remind you of the falling in love stage. Break downs will ensue. I wish I didn't love this ****ing girl so much. I look back at pictures of another girl I thought i loved before I met my last GF and feel nothing. Knowing I will never stop caring about this one ****ing sucks. It's pathetic, makes me want to punch myself in the face... On a side note I can't stop myself from checking her twitter everyday...After the breakup I told her to block me from it because she mentioned how she was going to dress up as a slutty audrey hepburn for halloween. After she unblocked me on new years i was too ashamed of my e-stalking to mention it again. Now I check that **** every day...I also know she has 341 friends on facebook up from 310ish when she dumped me...so she's out making friends and having a good time living life while I'm stuck in purgatory. Pathetic...just pathetic...**** me...as you can tell I vae a habit of being really hard on myself. Not the best comibnation with a history of severe depression and insomnia...must try to sleep now.

Edited by silvermane187
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hey silver. i was just sitting here feeling pretty sad, confused myself but im not as depressed and shattered as i used to be lol.

 

ok...u havent mentioned..

 

did she ever like, complain about something that you do..a hobby..or..just something you do that she didnt like?

 

something that she already told u from time and time again she didnt like but u just ignored?

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giveittofate

CCfan,

 

yeah, stuck up girls, who expect everything handed to them are the worst...I just graduated college last year, so it's not like I'm rolling in the dough, and it's not like I would take her out to fine restaurants a ton, but we would go to the movies, bars, dinners, and did she ever offer to pay? Hell no....what made it worse is that she wouldn't even give a thank you when I'd grab the bill or hand her her movie ticket....I guess bad parenting and just plain old selfishness...that pissed me off the most man, how hard is it to be show your appreciation once in a while?...I mean I'm down for paying for things the majority of the time, but every once in a while it be nice for her to offer or be gracious when I treated her...and I'm sure if we ever got married, she'd just become more and more demanding and expect everything, so thats a another plus of not having her around

 

and if I did ever have a run-in with my ex, I'd probably give a smile and head nod and try to make a quick exit, because i associate pain with her now...and knowing how cold hearted she became, well nothing good could come from us talking.

 

and the club was fun...I didn't see her, so im guessing she didnt go. Unfortunately it's a club full of those type "kardashian chicks" with no substance, so it's not like I'd meet someone of quality there, but it was fun to just see my boy DJ and all...I got quite drunk, and even danced a little (i'm horrible at it, and know I look like an *******, but **** it) so yeah last night was good....it's always a little downer to see couples there holding hands kissing and all and missing that connection, but it'll come again.

 

and silvermane, you got to BLOCK HER FROM EVERYTHING dude...I know it's hard, but thats a crucial step in letting go completely and healing...a few weeks after my breakup I blocked her and all her friends, because seeing her out partying and all was devastating...seeing those pictures literally made me sick a bit, so I knew it was a must....I dont want to see her, I don't want to know what she's doing, and I'd love it if I knew i'd never run into her again in my life....trust me everyday I still think and wonder whats she's doing and have relapses with my emotions and miss aspects of her...but with time i'm hoping those thoughts and rough times will slowly fade....it truly is a love hate thing when I think back.

 

and what helps me when I have my down, depressed moments is thinking about how things could haave been much worse....sure, i loved the girl and she broke my heart horribly and robbed me of a couple good months because of depression, but THANK GOD this didnt happen after I bought her a ring, or we were married, or we lived together, or we had kids....it could have been much worse...and from all this i can truly say this is the most I've grown ever as a person...I was quite the immature big kid before her, so despite the sour ending, this experience has taught me a hell of a lot and truly made me stronger and wiser for the future, f*ck man i'm only 24 so i'll get another crack at true love again when it's meant...i remember how I use to say "i'll never find a girl like her again" or "i'll be lonely forever"....that's bull...we all will find a more deserving person when the time is right.

 

have any of you guys went through more than one heart wrenching breakup in your lives?

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silvermane187

Just read what I wrote...wow that was an ugly night, good thing it's all an alcohol induced haze now lol...

 

@sniffys: yea there were a couple of my hobbies that she didn't like. Having more free time to do them has been one of the silver linings of this whole thing. That and all the money I've saved not buying that bitch lunch and dinner or a regular basis.

 

@giveit: i know i should block her but i seem not to have the will power to do it. it's so simple to just click twice and have it pop up half a second later. luckily her is private so i can only see her profile picture and friends list, and her twitter is just complaining about school or making funny observations/jokes. it's weird, i could quit smoking and start going to the gym on regular basis with almost no trouble, but i find it impossible not to check her ****ing twitter everyday no matter what i do. i would tell her to block me again but my stupid pride won't let me break NC ever again.

 

I had the same problem with FB stalking with the first girl I thought I loved. We were never serious and it was more of a stupid highschool kid friendship with flirting. I turned her down one night when she asked to have sex (big regret...god she was a complete slut and hot as hell... but she was my friends ex and even though he told me to go for it i felt like I was betraying him...i was stupid), then we kinda "broke up" even though it wasn't a real relationship. For a few months after that I would check her myspace (lol) all the time. Eventually I just became uninterested and stopped caring. Hopefully I can get to that stage eventually with this one even though you can't compare the two relationships at all. Soemtimes I wish it was the 60s so I wouldn't have to deal with all this e-stalking temptation.

 

anyway i'm glad you had a good time going out. I don't do clubs either because it's full of shallow pathetic people and it's a waste of money. I went to an AHL hockey game with a bunch of friends on sunday. There were hot girls everywhere because it was university day but I had no interest in talking to any of them. I still compare every hot girl I see to my ex. Even when I focus on the hate I have for her all the time I can't seem to shake all the good qualitys from my head. I wonder where I'll be in another 5 months from now.

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