I'm in pieces right now

[Renard99]

She's just left after a meeting to tie up loose ends. First time I'd seen her or been in contact since she moved out.

 

I tried to keep the meeting, formal, to the point and didn't go off topic, however, as she's the one that left me saying 'I love you but not in the same way anymore' she was quite happy to treat this as a meeting of friends, telling me what she's up to. I tried steering it back on course to the business in hand but it was too late, I'd heard enough to make my heartache come back.

 

Basically, what got me was the fact that her 'moving on' has created a person I like even more. She's tackled and removed a few things that were on my 'things I hate about her' list amongst other things. There are other things, like she's just got into a band that I've liked for a while and now she's going to see them live. She's also going to see soccer games now too. Something I like to do but never did with her as she never showed any interest when I suggested it. There were many more little things, like she's changed her hair. I never really liked it the old way but she did so respected that, but now I love her new hair. All these little things add up to a big change and one that I really like.

 

The more she moves on and developes as a person, the more I love her, but at the same time, the more she moves on the further away she gets.

 

The rational side of me knows to take it all with a pinch of salt, i.e she may be putting on a front or it maybe all superficial, and that ultimately, I need to do exactly what she's doing and move on. I also know that at the same time she's probably creating new traits that would go on the list of 'things I hate about her' that I just don't know about. However, the rest of me, particularily my heart, just hurts even more now

 

It's hard to continue to look forwards when you know that what's behind you is better than it was the last time you looked.

 

5 weeks on from the break-up and I thought I was making a tiny bit of progress but now.....

 

I'm in tears

Edited March 2, 2011 by Renard99

[worldgonewrong]

I know, bro. I know.

Believe me, it was roughly around the same 5 week mark for me (I'm now rounding week 7) that I had this 'lapse' of strength or feeling. It all came rushing back to me, and my thoughts basically mirrored yours.

Step by step, day by day, though, it will get better.

You were your own person before her, and you will be your own person again.

It's the pain of being ripped in half that hurts so.

[Renard99]

I know, bro. I know.

Believe me, it was roughly around the same 5 week mark for me (I'm now rounding week 7) that I had this 'lapse' of strength or feeling. It all came rushing back to me, and my thoughts basically mirrored yours.

Step by step, day by day, though, it will get better.

You were your own person before her, and you will be your own person again.

It's the pain of being ripped in half that hurts so.

 

I totally agree. My brain knows what I should be doing and thinking, but, having been ripped apart, the rest of my body is in total emotional termoil and it hurts.

 

It's the morning after now and I feel like I'm at day 1 again and that just makes me feel worse!

 

Unfortunately, I managed to see a Facebook status from her this morning. I've deleted her but a mutual friend sent me a screen shot of an IT problem he has and he had Facebook open in the back ground. I stupidly read her status that was visible and it wasn't good. She posted it after we had met last night and basically, to paraphrase, it stated that after our meet up last night she realised that her decision to break up with me was the best thing to do. Now that's a blow to my confidence and has shattered hopes of ever getting her back.

 

I just want to feel normal again.

[TaraMaiden]

This IS 'normal'.

 

and unfortunately, it's a stage you have to go through.

And it hurts so badly, you think that everything inside you is falling to pieces, changing places and is generally a mess.

 

Your heart's in your stomach, and your stomach's in your throat....

 

And it's normal.

 

On a really basic, mundane and possibly off-topic side-note, there are cells throughout your body that actually behave like, mimic and communicate with your brain-cells. in other words, the 'gut feelings' you get? the sensation that you've been "punched in the stomach"...?

They're all really.

These cells actually act in complete harmony and accordance with braincells and what you think - you feel.

 

Your whole body is in the same turmoil your mind is in.

 

So you need to calm your Mind.

 

Trite as it may sound - this too shall pass.

 

Some days are going to be like a sledgehammer to the face.

Others will be like a dull, wet, November Sunday afternoon....

 

but all of them will come, and all of them will go.

 

You're in Mourning.

Something about you, within you and around you - has died.

 

You're allowed to mourn, it's natural.

 

What you must try to fight, with all your strength and every fibre of your being - is wallowing.

 

Don't stay stuck where you are, floundering and begging for a life-jacket, and all the while, swimming into deeper waters.

 

MAKE yourself do 'normal' stuff.

make yourself grab a book, a paper, a magazine - anything - and go to a local cafe, sit and have a coffee and a danish, and read, for an hour.

 

MAKE yourself go for a walk around the block.

 

Volunteer as a pet walker.

It's amazing how much animals cam help pull us out of crap.

 

Think of things to do that validate you as the person you are, and make your potential shine.

 

Because it's little steps.

Little steps.

but make sure you leave big footprints.

[is2008]

Morning mate.

 

I can sympathise with you. Your friend should have been more careful though not to have her fb page open whilst print screening.

 

As for healing, try to remove all the triggers around your house/workspace and most definitely PC. I'm finding it does help and slowly you will get there. I'm already noticing a small improvement... just the word "Southampton" used to trigger palpitations and negative feelings... now it's just negative feelings.

 

You are the only person that can help yourself. Therapy may give you the tools to heal, but ultimately you decide how long you're going to hurt for.

 

Also day 1 is day 1. You can control how many day 1s you have but today could be your last. Once you accept that it's over and she's not coming back, the better it'll be for you. The longer you pretend that she's coming back, the longer it'll take. My ex just like yours started a new job (mine 1 year ago) and ever since then, I've slowly noticed her behaviour changing... from a relationship point of view, I think it's the wrong crowd. I'm sure you'll say the same.

 

As for her changing for the better since the breakup (liking football, changing her hairstyle, swimming etc) you're idealising her because these are the things you like. Try to remember how cold she was/is during the breakup. Only now are you actually seeing her true colours. Do you want someone who flees when the going gets tough?

 

You will get through this.

[marqueemoon4]

I know exactly how you feel.. when I was with my wife, she was sick all the time (apparently due to eating gluten??), heavier, nowhere near as confident, and now she looks incredible, is never sick since she cut out gluten, and seems to be doing very well. I'm glad about this, but I REFUSE to believe that it was all my fault she wasn't these things before. It seems truly unfair that I didn't get to be with her when she was this way, I got the broken version of her, and now she is gone there is no looking back for her. Sucks.

[Renard99]

I know exactly how you feel.. when I was with my wife, she was sick all the time (apparently due to eating gluten??), heavier, nowhere near as confident, and now she looks incredible, is never sick since she cut out gluten, and seems to be doing very well. I'm glad about this, but I REFUSE to believe that it was all my fault she wasn't these things before. It seems truly unfair that I didn't get to be with her when she was this way, I got the broken version of her, and now she is gone there is no looking back for her. Sucks.

 

Does indeed suck. Never looked at it that way, but, yes, I got the broken version and wanted to help her 'fix' things but, ultimately, it took the break up for her to be able to do it and now there's no way back.

 

It's the combination of the positive (watching someone develop and improve) and the negative (watching them get further away as they do it) that really rips you up inside as the two clash.