Bonie Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 My heart is so full of anger and hatred towards mt ex. I still cannot move on and all I want this anger to be gone but it is still there (. Here is my story..... We were each other first loves and he always said he loved me and he could not live without me. He was always the one making plans for the future and I was never the one to initiate this sort of conversation. He was the first one to say the L word. Basically he was obsessed by me and sometimes I would feel like I need some space to breath but I loved him and liked spening time with him, so I did not think it was a problem. We had fights extremely rarely if ever and got along really well and even though I have to say our realtionship did become a bit boring and predictable...I thought it was normal thing for most couples after so many years together. My friend who is with her bf for 6 yrs told me the same thing about her relationship but they are still together ...so i think it is normal when u are with the same person for so long....I did not think of this as a big deal and he never discussed it with me. He did not have many friends unlike me and would always spend his entire time with me. I would always encorage him to go out with his collegues from university, so this would give us a chance to miss each other. Since I had many friends I would go out often with them but he would get jelous. He was a bit clingy. However, I thought he was a very sweet and nice guy and that is what made me fall in love with him. He would always bring me flowers for special occasions and he was really thoughful. During our relationship, I was very supportive and always treated him well. I was always there for him when he needed me. I have been told that I am a very good person and probably this is my problem......i should have been a bitch instead.....As I said he was the loner type and I think he was too dependent on me for his happiness. I was always the person to invite him to events with my friends since he did not had any. During the summer of our final year together I got sick. I became very depressed because my health problem was going on for long time and was going to different doctors and they could not figure out the root of my symptoms. He wanted me and him to go on a trip with my friends for a week but since I was so sick I told him I could not. He seemed very dissapointed. I asked him what was wrong and he did no tell me anything. Later,my ex bf wanted to go on vacation by himself instead of being there for me in this very difficult time for me. I was shocked and I noticed during the last 3 weeks together he became a bit distant and cold.But he still would call every day and say that he loves me. I was sooo stressed about my health problems and even cried in front of him and thought that maybe i should go to another country to speed up the process with the doctors. I was so down and felt hopeless. A week later he sent me an email( an email after 3 yrs together?????? what a coward) out of the blue that he does not feeel the same way about me, that the spark is gone and even though there is amazing chemistry between us, he does not think we are "exactly a perfect match", that we are soo different and think differently on so many issuses. He concludes that even though we have an amazing chemistry, he does not think i am the special one for him and he does not see himself spending the rest of his life with me.....And he was the one to plan the future for us, not me?????? How come he never said he thought we were different before. It was a complete shock for me......After everything I have done for him, he stabbed me in the back when I needed him the most in my life, when I was sick and depressed. I think the real reason was that I was not "fun" for him anymore since was sick. He hurt me so much. I cannt believe that the person who "loved me " so much and would do anything for me did this to me when I was in the wort point in my life. It hurt so much. completely freaked out, I broke everything he gave me. Besides, sending him one email I have not talked to him since. I deleted him out of my life. He was not the sweet person I thought he was. He was a coward, a backstabber....He would phone me on a few occasions but never replied to any of his attempts. Ater 3 months he left me a voicemail that he could not forget about us and all the good memories that we shared. It has been alsmot a year and a half I got a msg from him that he wants to give me something i drew for him a long time ago since it holds santimental value for me. I ignored that as well. Then he sends me a msg on facebook and asks if i want to meet up with him to give it to me.... Really after 1 year???? I just said to keep it for himself. Now I saw I have a missed call from him. I have said to myself that I will never want to see him again after all the hurt he cause me.....WHY DO U THINK HE IS TRYING TO CONTACT ME STILL SO MANY TIMES EVEN THOUGH I INGORE HIM??? Does he think he made a mistake and the grass is not greener on the other side??? I am very attractive and intelligent girl and get a lot of atention from men.I tried dating other men but there is a wall. I cannot let them close to me. I cannot trust anyone. I cannot develop feelings for everyone. I feel so emotionally damaged from this man ;(((. I am scared to get in anything long term because I am scared the next person will do the same thing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bonie Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Guys I know this is a bit long but I am still hoping I will get some response from you . Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Sounds like he's kicking himself now. Only you can decide when the wall needs to come down. Link to post Share on other sites
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