breakup recovery time

[fiat500]

Curious to know roughly how long it takes for someone to recover from a breakup and start dating again. Rebounds do not count. I want to know how many months/years it took for you to be in a REAL relationship again, where you didn't feel it was temporary, where you weren't using the other person to heal from your last break, and where you were starting from a "clean slate."

 

I know answers may vary.

[january2011]

Timewise, I don't know. However, I'm making baby steps every day and every day I feel better.

 

I think that it's one of those things where you test your boundaries and if it feels good you carry on, if it doesn't you pull back. Or sometimes, you sit in the discomfort because you know that good will come out of it and the discomfort will dissipate then you'll be glad that you persevered.

[is2008]

When I broke up with my first ever gf of 6-8 months, it took me about 3-6 months before I noticed interest in girls. That was 8 years ago!!

 

This time however the wounds run deep. The relationship was 6 years and I've never felt like this about anyone before. I'm still expecting (with strict NC and no crumbs) that in 6 months I'll be ready again. I was her first everything.

 

I think it takes less time for guys to get over a relationship than girls generally. At the end of the day though, there's no rush and don't give yourself a timescale because you may find yourself not ready.

[Whimsical_Ninja]

I was with my ex-husband for a little over four years, married for one year of those four. He cheated and left overnight, did not explain. I was shell shocked, to say the least.

 

I joined a divorce support group not long after (there were also people in our group who had just broken-up without being married as well). It definitely does vary from person to person. Commonly, though, it seems to take between 4-6 months for that initial 'crazy emotional confusion mind blown' feeling to start letting up if you've been with a partner for a long time.

 

For me, I chose to take the time to get back in touch with myself even when I was experiencing excruciating loneliness. I spent about a year and half getting into new things, making new friends, trying to figure out my options for schooling and work, just bettering myself all around. It wasn't until about 9 months after my ex left that I really felt like 'myself' again, and became really happy to be single. I had a lot of fun being with myself and pursuing what I wanted without a relationship.

 

I didn't have sex with someone new until after a year and half. For me, this worked because by the time I did so, I felt happy with myself and confident again. I wasn't trying to cure loneliness or fill a void, I was in control of the situation and feeling good about myself.

 

It sounds vague, but I KNEW when it was time to start seeing other people. I felt jitters like anyone, but I didn't feel scared and I didn't feel like the control was in the hands of the other person (for instance, I wasn't afraid of rejection sending my self-esteem into the toilet, I wasn't measuring someone else's reaction to me as measure of my worth, that kind of thing).

 

I wouldn't hold yourself to a timeline. Some people sort things out really fast, others need more time to reflect and grow. The main point is not tumbling down into depression or isolating yourself to the point you really do go nuts or become consumed by the negative feelings. As long as you're doing positive things and working to feel better, you're on the right track no matter how long it takes.

[Rose T]

I've just had a bad break up with my ex of 4.5 years. We split at the start of Dec 2010 and I've had a difficult 10 weeks. But what's keeping me going is the memory of the last break up before him. I got out of my previous relationship, a nine month romance in November 2005 and I met my more recent ex, just 4 months after, in March 2006.

 

That may sound quite short but it was definitely long enough for me: I think it only took me three months that time to feel over it and then a month later, I met a new guy, after the winter was over and the season was starting to change.

 

While I know history doesn't repeat itself and longer relationships need more recovery time, I'm rather hoping that the spring works its magic again this time round. Over here, from March onwards the weather is so beautiful and everyone is out in the cafès and bars, you can feel the flirting on every corner and it's an amazing time to be single. I'm older and wiser this time round so I'm not expecting anything, but positive thinking is always good!

Edited February 17, 2011 by Rose T

[silvermane187]

I got dumped by my GF of 3 years 4 months ago and I'm just now starting to not be majorly depressed all the time. The tipping point was when she unblocked me on facebook after a few texts in the beginning of janurary. I didn't say anything for 2 weeks, eventually I caved and asked her why she unblocked me. She ignored my first message, I send another one asking why she unblocked me if she was gonig to ignore me, she ignored that one too. 4 days later I check her page and see her profile picture is her with some guy. I tell her to block me before things get ugly. She plays the innocent card, claiming not to have meant to mind **** me, and he was a co worker who was her "best friend and support system through all of this". As if you need a support system for dumping someone without trying to work it out because you wanted to be single.

 

A few texts back and forth that night ended in me being filled with resentment. I still have bad days, still wake up thinking about her, still think about her all the time, but it's not nearly as bad as it was. If I had to put a timeline on it I would say it's going to take another 4 months at least until I can stop thinking about her. So 4 months and a trigger to piss you off to truly start getting over it, then another 4-6 months to hopefully get over it completely. I doubt I'll ever truly get over it COMPLETELY, I will love her to death, but not thinking about her on a regular basis is what I'm aiming for. Only then could I start to consider another relationship, if I ever meet a girl that lives up to my standards again...

[GreenPolicy]

I'm at four months myself. I am only now starting to be able to find enjoyment in the day to day stuff that I took for granted before the b/u. I can laugh again, I can take joy in stuff that I like again. I still think about her a lot and it still hurts a lot, but it's more of a dull, persistent ache instead of the raw, excruciating pain four months ago.

[StalledGirl]

I still haven't had a serious relatinship two and a bit years on from my last break up but I thiknk i've been left jaded so haven't bothered looking for someone new.

Ex met a new partner within three weeks.

[HeavenOrHell]

Fell apart for 6 -7 months after 18 year r/ship, felt dead inside to the opposite sex, found the thought of ever being with anyone else repulsive. Started to move on after 6-7 months after going NC, started getting close to someone online 6 months after the break up, met up 9 months post break up, felt an attraction to him and fell in love in the weeks following our first meeting.

But it is long distance, I still don't feel ready for a day to day r/ship, it's now 19 months post break up. Long distance is hard at times but for now it is the best thing for me as it gives me time and space to continue to rebuild my life and my self esteem back up, I have insecurities because of my ex leaving and then moving in with an old friend of mine, I have worried at times that my insecurities will affect me and my partner, and I've told him that, he is willing to give me whatever space and time I need. He was left after a LTR too, but we never felt this was a rebound r/ship, it felt right from the start.

You will know when you are truly ready to be with someone again, for some people it can be just a few weeks, for others it can take years.

[fiat500]

Thank you for your replies. Really appreciate hearing your stories. Six months seems to be the general magic number. I'm 3 mos in. I'll admit that the really terrible depressing days are less in occurrence. Had a horrible day regarding feelings about the ex yesterday, but today I ALMOST feel whole.