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...or maybe I'm just a weak person.


DayAfterDay

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It'll be a year in march and I still become PARALYZED with pain when it cycles back around.

 

NC was off and on for about 8 months of last year. Now it has been NC since October. I Can't imagine things being "ok". I'm either "ok" or really, really terrible. I'm never great like I used to be, even before I met her. Today was the worst day I've had in a long time. I cried all before work and when I got home. I'm so sick of feeling like this, I've done every step I can think of to help myself.

 

It's not going away. It's changing...perhaps becoming more bearable at times. But not going way. I honestly don't think it ever will completely go away. She is still the only one I want to be with, and the only one I can picture any future with. Something is wrong with that. I've dated a handfull of girls, few that have been very interested in me...but god, I just can't do it.

 

 

Something is seriously, seriously wrong with me.

 

 

 

This will end up killing me.

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I've just read your full story and this post. I really do sympathise with you because my situation is similar.

 

She left me too, not knowing what she wanted and was unsure about pretty much everything... said she fell out of love with me too, said some very nasty things but wants me as a friend.

 

I think the advice that you were given originally, which was to maintain NC is sound but you really need to sever any hopes of reconciliation if you are to get over this.

 

Get out of the house more, find new hobbies to take your mind off it, use your support system (friends/family) to talk during down times. Move back to Georgia... just a few suggestions.

 

Try taking St Johns Wort or see your doctor about some anti depressants. Nothing is seriously wrong with you, you are not weak and it will NOT kill you. Try not to preoccupy yourself in her thoughts (wish I could take my own advice!)

 

Good luck.

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Same boat here.

 

NC is the best way, even if you don't believe. Everytime I broke NC(twice) and she once I felt worse than not talking to her.

 

It's horrible, I know, but It was their choice, not ours, to leave us. And believe me, life will make them pay. It always does, sooner or later.

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DayAfterDay,

 

I am in pretty much the same place emotionally. I had a break up with a very amazing woman about 14 months ago, and I really hit a tough patch as the 1 yr mark of the break up approached.

 

In the first 7-8 months after the break up, I just put her out of my mind as well as I could and was total NC. I was pretty angry at her because of the way that we broke up. So the during this time I just got by day by day focusing on my job and racing bikes. Things were ok, but I knew something was missing.

 

Then I slowly started to break down the last week I had with my x GF. She said some harsh words to me at the end. As I pieced the events leading to the split, I finally realized that I had many moments where I could have prevented the situation from getting worse. Unfortunately, I let an insecurity or defense mechanism of mine push her away. The mistakes that I made began to tear me apart.

 

At the year mark, which was close to her birthday and holidays, I was continuing to get worse as regret broke me down. At this point, I was just going through the motions and crying at the oddest times. Nothing mattered to me anymore except her.

 

Contrary to most people on LS, I knew that I needed to break NC as my regret was killing me. I did not expect some movie ending when I called her, but I was able to at least clear the air about the misunderstanding we had. I had made a comment, which in hindsight, was pure stupidity on my part as she thought I was criticizing her.

 

The call went surprisingly well considering how long it had been since we last talked to each other. She thanked me for reaching out to her and clearing the air and then told me the news that I knew was coming...she was in a happy relationship. I realistically could not expect anything different. I was able to get some of my old self back by making sure she knew that I never intended to say anything to criticize her. I have cried more than I would like to admit before and after my last call, and I know that was probably the last time that I will ever speak with her. But I can now move on and get my happier self back. It's just going to take time.

 

I am not sure how your relationship ended, but it sounds like you either need to say what you need to say to your X or go down the NC path and get your old self back.

 

The fact that you still feel so much for your X does not mean there is something wrong with you. It just means you cared. Nothing wrong with that. I know it is painful now, and there will probably always be something that reminds you about her. In time, she will simply be a girl you once knew, and you will be back to your old happy self with or without a new girl in you life.

 

Just take it day by day and you'll get there!

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