Blueberry7691 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I need help! My Ex-bf keeps popping into my head. How can I stop that from happening.I don't want to think about him any longer. Is it just a matter of time? If so, how much? It's annoying. Link to post Share on other sites
SDA Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Time is the only way. Hope you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 hypnotherapy? i want to try this. I'd like to erase all memories of my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I've given up the ghost on that one, and I'm just thankful that it doesn't hurt so much when he does pop in my head. The reality is I shared 6 years with my ex - as much as they were tough years, and I was the only one fighting for us, there was clearly a reason I was trying so hard - after 4 plus months of very difficult NC I realize that I will always love him. So the real question is how do you get to the point I am at or at least the point where you are comfortable? You need to keep moving your feet forward, and adding something to your life - regardless of how much you don't want to. I started by attending synagogue each week, then I actually started staying for the social time afterwards, then I taking a class one night a week. In between I would cry my eyes out - I'm not saying I wouldn't - but all of a sudden that started happening a little bit less, and all of a sudden I actually had new friends and stuff - who would have thought? The one thing I continue to hold fast is that no one is allowed to tell me anything about HIM. I really do not even want to know if he is breathing - frankly it is none of my business, and it does not do me any good. I am ok with the old memories - because they are mine, and I even smile at them - but I don't want to hear about what he is doing now, with someone else - that happened and it set me back terribly. Nor am I willing to contemplate dating again. But that is me and I most definitely do not recommend that for anyone else. I hope you are able to move forward and on with your life and I hope this post helps you at east just a little. Best. CNYCG Link to post Share on other sites
jquest1280 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Unfortunately, he will keep on popping in your head. There will always be moments of low mental activity, then *pop* there he is. But the more you distract yourself with friends, experiences and activities, the better. Over time, this should happen less often, or arouse less intense feelings. Hang in there, it will be a journey, but someday, it will all be over. Link to post Share on other sites
is2008 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 It's how you deal with it when they pop into your head. The moment my ex pops into my head I get anxiety and start re-running nice thoughts of her. I counteract that by reminding myself of what she did and said during the breakup, namely for me "What you blowing up my phone for?" This was from the girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. All of a sudden my brain reminds my heart that she isn't as sweet and caring as it's portraying her out to be... and a few moments later BINGO anxiety starts to go. Also for me, ignorance is bliss. I'm trying to avoid ANY contact with her whatsoever now in the fear of hearing something I don't want to. If she wants to be with me, she'll get in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
ccfan Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) I´m still working on stop her to appear in my mind as well, it happens a lot to me and ever though it´s been 5 months since the break up i find myself missing her and thinking about her even now more than ever. One thing that we have to "detect" are the patterns. check out what days and under what circumstances you start thinking about your ex. In my case it almost always happens when i´m tired from work or stuck in trafic (looking at any silver corolla is a trigger for me in trafic as that is her car) , also i know in advance that everytime i get a cold and my defenses are low i think about her , miss her and generally feel miserable... i don´t really have a solution to what to do afterwards, but at least i know when it´s going to happen. Like other posters said, when that happens it´s good to think about the negative stuff your ex did to you.. but there a catch 22 on that one: that by doing that you´ll revive a lot of arguments and feel desperate for not being able to tell them.. hence they´ll stay in your mind even longer and ruin your day. A little trick that works for me in to authorize a very close friend of you to bring your ex down the pedestal when you feel you are thinking too much about it... i have a friend that i call when i´m stuck thinking about her, and he´ll say raw things to me like: "well if you are missing being back with her to see her flirting with other guys, good for you man.." "what are you missing? taking her to expensive restaurants draining your money on it while she´s texting or talking to the phone during the meal?" "are you missing her stupid, superficial friends?".... the trick is that your friend has to know all the bad thing this person did to you... and also make sure that you and this person will talk about this for a couple minutes and then you change the subject.... Like other poster said... i´d give all my money if there was a real proven method to completely erase the ex from my memory Edited February 9, 2011 by ccfan Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I used a kind of strange pavlov dog thing. When I would think about an exbf I would take a thick rubber band I kept around my wrist and snap it HARD on my skin. I would snap it in the same place so I had a nice welt. Eventually I associated thinking of him with sharp physical pain. I am thinking of doing this for my stbxH. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 IMO, it's not a matter of stopping, it's a matter of accepting. Whenever I post anecdotes on LS regarding my M, brief thoughts of my exW naturally occur as part of that process. Sometimes the anecdote and thoughts are positive; sometimes negative. I merely accept them, process them in the moment, and move on to the next thing. Same thing in real life. Acceptance is the key Link to post Share on other sites
reknown29 Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Realize that he wasnt right for you, because of timing, personality differences, etc. Then realize that there are 3.5 billion men in the world. You can find another. Enjoy life. Live in the moment and appreciate the things you took for granted before. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 hypnotherapy? i want to try this. I'd like to erase all memories of my ex. We're going into "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" territory here . Would that be considered a good thing or a bad thing? Don't our exes contribute to who we are today? DOn't they give us a chance to learn more about ourselves, regardless of how things ended? I know my ex has given me food for thought. Link to post Share on other sites
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