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She never even apologized


RyanCole

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I am new to this forum, but have looked at it off and on over the past few months and decided it was time to tell my story. Perhaps someone can give some advice to help.

 

It started a few years ago, I met my best friends cousin we started talking and became the best of friends. For the next couple of years we were the best of friends and one day I realized I loved her, couldn't be without her. She felt the same way. We started dating and it was going great for about a year. I was (maybe still am) completely in love with her. I was ready to marry her, but that wasnt to be. She was the first girl I ever told I love you. I haven't dated a lot so I took it very seriously. After a year she cheated. I didn't know about it. I could tell something was wrong, but I didn't think it was anything serious. Then my friend, her cousin, told me what she had done. When I talked to her about it she said she wanted to try other options that I hadn't done anything wrong she just wanted to make sure there wasn't someone better. Never apologized. We talked more and I decided I loved her enough that I could forgive her. We went a couple more days with it being tense as you would expect. She TEXTED me and said it wasn't me she wanted other things and it was over. I tried talking to her for a few days after that like a schmuck, but to no end. I was a wreck. My world was over. I had no idea what to do. I cut off all contact with her and her close friends. What hurt was that she dumped me after I forgave her, and she did it by text, who does that? She never once apologized. That was February its been almost a year now and I have had zero contact with her, but I still hurt. I'm tired of this. I don't like talking about it. Feel like i can't talk about it. It seems the only way Ive dealt with it is to not deal with it. I work 80 hrs a week so that I don't have time to think about her, but it seems no matter how hard I try to get away from it I cant. Im about to go nuts. What did he do that I didn't? Why did she keep telling me Im a great guy? If Im so great why did she need someone else? How can I get past this? How do you let someone go? Sorry this is so long, Thanks in advance

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i am so sorry to hear about your pain. not having answers....not getting closure, no apology..nothing.

 

that kind of information is enough to make anyone angry and frustrated..which can make these feelings linger longer. it's so much better to have peace. but let yourself heal.

 

one of the only things you can do at this point is make peace with your thoughts by KNOWING if it got any deeper with this girl, you may have ended up in divorce..or could have had children harmed by it all too.

 

she sounds like she needed to get it out of her system; to date others. how old were you guys while dating? she sounds like she had GIGS (grass is greener syndrom) please look that up on this forum.

 

it is her loss. you sound like a great guy. a loving and forgiving guy. not many people would have taken her back.

 

i am going to leave you with some information to read. i hope it helps speed up healing. i do believe when you make a connection with a good woman..you will be glad that one got out of your life. dont give up hope. start thinking on all good things that happen to you in a day. ANY GOOD...and focus on that. and it does help to think of less fortunate people. at least thats how i try to cope. here are some great reads to help you along.

 

1) http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/sur/

you can read this online for FREE. how to survive the loss of a love by peter mcwilliams, melba colgrove

 

2) my favorite LS post by Mcgrupp!!!!!! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t244265/ follow and read the whole mcgrupp post.

 

 

i always turn to God too and pray for internal peace.

 

i wish you well. come here anytime you need to vent. its good you took this step towards talking to others who can relate to you and you to them.

 

God bless

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Thank you, I will read those and look up GIGS. I was 20 and she was 19. I have a good job and I really enjoy it. It helps a lot to have something to take your mind off of it.

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An apology seems like/is a big deal, but once received, you might be surprised to find that it feels really, really cheap.

 

I'm sorry you're still hurting. It took me 1 1/2 years to get over an ex once and I do not wish that on anyone, even on that scumbag.

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I am new to this forum, but have looked at it off and on over the past few months and decided it was time to tell my story. Perhaps someone can give some advice to help.

 

It started a few years ago, I met my best friends cousin we started talking and became the best of friends. For the next couple of years we were the best of friends and one day I realized I loved her, couldn't be without her. She felt the same way. We started dating and it was going great for about a year. I was (maybe still am) completely in love with her. I was ready to marry her, but that wasnt to be. She was the first girl I ever told I love you. I haven't dated a lot so I took it very seriously. After a year she cheated. I didn't know about it. I could tell something was wrong, but I didn't think it was anything serious. Then my friend, her cousin, told me what she had done. When I talked to her about it she said she wanted to try other options that I hadn't done anything wrong she just wanted to make sure there wasn't someone better. Never apologized. We talked more and I decided I loved her enough that I could forgive her. We went a couple more days with it being tense as you would expect. She TEXTED me and said it wasn't me she wanted other things and it was over. I tried talking to her for a few days after that like a schmuck, but to no end. I was a wreck. My world was over. I had no idea what to do. I cut off all contact with her and her close friends. What hurt was that she dumped me after I forgave her, and she did it by text, who does that? She never once apologized. That was February its been almost a year now and I have had zero contact with her, but I still hurt. I'm tired of this. I don't like talking about it. Feel like i can't talk about it. It seems the only way Ive dealt with it is to not deal with it. I work 80 hrs a week so that I don't have time to think about her, but it seems no matter how hard I try to get away from it I cant. Im about to go nuts. What did he do that I didn't? Why did she keep telling me Im a great guy? If Im so great why did she need someone else? How can I get past this? How do you let someone go? Sorry this is so long, Thanks in advance

 

It's tough. Just keep busy and make sure you arn't checking her facebook, old photos or writings. I have been broken up with my ex for over two years now - No contactfor the first year - then contact last dec - which brought me back to the pain. Just keep focusing on improving your life in all ways.

 

You gave her your love - she threw it away - other better options?

She's garbage she won't find anything better and by thattime she'll have racked up enough milage to render her used and even more garbage.

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Your right about the apology. I dont need it. Just like wanting to talk to her. NC. I wont need it and it might make things worse open up more questions. I read the first couple pages of MCgrupps posts. Its good stuff and encouraging. I farm so I choose how much I work some weeks its not quite that much, sometimes alot less, pretty regular hours. But the last few months Im just not ready to quit and sit at the house so i work abunch. Im used to working like this when I need a break I take one. It makes me feel better that its not unusual for it to take a long time to get over a girl.

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Of course it's not Ryan especially if you loved her, and especially if she cheated on you. You forgave her and then she dumped you, dude my ex did the same thing. Like wtf right? Anyways she may never say she's sorry, she might just be too damn proud, or she might just be justifying it in her little head for whatver demented reasons. You're better off without her and you've obviously shown you can make it without her having stuck to no contact for so long. Int he end an apology isn't going to be neough for you, just saying you're sorry doesn't make you sorry, especially for cheating. Liek in my example, I honestly don;t know if my ex is sorry, she said she was, she cried once but I mean for the amount of pain that it cause me, is that really sorry? Does she have any idea? In the end it doesn't matter, you're better off without a cheater. If she decides she's truly sorry one day and wants you back well then it'll happen, but by then you're gonna be moved on to someone way better.

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the only thing i disagree with ..as far as the mcgrupp post is the whole man up thing..when it comes to heartbreak and pain. for man or woman..healing is a process. other than that, i think the post is great. and he explains how to get on that happiness meter again. little by little. when you fall deep and believe someone was right for you...it does take time. even in that other book how to survive the loss of a love it does say..you do heal and will heal. the gigs link really explains how a lot of 20 somethings really can get restless and want to keep exploring...and kinda feel its a rite of passage.

 

eventually, as time goes on...she wont dominate your thoughts or heart anymore. and that is the goal

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That is why I cut off contact, so she wouldn't dominate my thoughts. It really helps. Im figuring out the more I work on being better person, doing my own thing, being happy without someone else the easier it gets.

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That is why I cut off contact, so she wouldn't dominate my thoughts. It really helps. Im figuring out the more I work on being better person, doing my own thing, being happy without someone else the easier it gets.

 

I'm with you there buddy, I did the same thing with my cheating ex, albeit two weeks after the breakup but since then I've made so much progress. Haven't talked to her in a month but you know what, I've come to the realization that I don't need her. No matter what the problems were in the relationship, she shouldn't have cheated on me. She should have had the decency to at least break up with me before ever doing something like that. If she ever comes back, and I mean begging back I'll feel good knowing I have the upper hand and if it ever gets to that point it'll be up to me ultimately what happens to us. Until then nothing to do but live and enjoy life.

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You sound like your doing good. I hope it gets better for you. Every journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step and a month is a good step man.

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