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Hope Gone


hopegone

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I would like to share my story for comments and feedbacks to help me work through this.

 

My man use to do everything together. He took me to his hometown and introduced me to his family, and we went to church there. He and I was so in love. He was killed in an automobile accident. For over a year I shut down. I started going back to the church where he and I attended together and one day I was invited to a picnic. I went and I met the most amazing man there. We laughed and talked, and he said all of the things I needed to hear. He told me he was going to make me his, but he had to concentrate on his move, he told me he was moving back to the area and asked me for my phone number, and said he would be back in a few months after he got things straightened out in the city he was moving from. I was instantly attracted to this man. I was hurting so bad from the death of my previous man and was looking for a way to ease the pain. At that moment I decided I was going to wait for him.

 

I never heard from him, but finally he was back and moved in his house here. I saw him at church, and he had brought a woman with him. She had moved with him from his previous city I was so let down, but I knew this was the man I wanted, so I sucked it up, and whenever I saw him, I just did and said all of the nice things. After a month or so, he started saying he had made a mistake and he was going to correct it. He sent the woman back. He began to call me and we went on a date a couple of times. At first every thing was so good. We would laugh and talk for hours on the phone, and see each other when we could. There was no sex or anything like that going on, we were just getting to know each other. The more I learned about this man, the more I fell for him. People came up with all sorts of things to tell me about his past, but that didn't bother me because I felt that if he went through all of this then he needed all of the love I had to give, and I felt that he would return it.

 

This has been going on over a year, but I think what I want from him that he is not able to give it to me, which is love unconditionally. We are both active in our church, and we always have a reason to talk to each other.

 

I call him every morning and we usually talk for at least 30 minutes. We have been talking about a relationship, and he told me that will never happen. I didn't believe him because he always stares at me, and when I look in his eyes I see something different. That something different always gave me hope, so I continued to wait. When he is sick I make sure he is taken care of, whatever he needed, I made sure he had the help. Not financial help, because he does not that that kind of help, but basically supporting him in everything he does. He use to do things to help me in return. Like fix things around the house, or offer advice on things I am dealing with.

 

Well I recently realized that maybe I should listened when he told me a relationship with us will never happen. So I decided that I would not call him. That was the hardest thing for me. So what happens, he starts calling me.

 

I love this man, but I can't take it anymore, either he is all the way with me or all the way without me. I have been thinking about changing church because I can't be near him without wanting to be with him. This is such a problem for me. I don't know how to handle it. Any advice.

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  • 1 month later...

You know exactly what you have to do.

your post is full of all the clues and answers.

 

Your problem is just - doing it.

 

In order for him to never have access to your heart, emotions and feelings, you have to close them off to him.

You can't say you can't take it any more - and then keep taking it.

 

Can you?

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