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No Contact For Dumpee Vs No Contact For Dumper


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Old 7th January 2011, 8:27 PM   #1
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No Contact For Dumpee Vs No Contact For Dumper

Ive been thinking about this.

NC for the dumpee helps them heal and get over the relationship as any contact prolongs pain nad makes you long for them. It clearly works as for me I havent heard from her for over 3 months now and I'm begining to feel like myself again and feeling very optimistic about the future. I've noticed No contact for the dumpee has the reverse effect of contact...shown here.

Dumpee

Contact - hurts alot, never gets over them, Dumpee becomes more and more weak.

No Contact - Hits rock bottom but heals over time, pain goes away gets stronger day by day, gets over the relationship.

notice the reverse effect. Is the same reverse effect that happens to the dumpee happen to the dumper in some cases. Lets see..


Dumper
:

Contact - pushes more and more away. Holds all the power, wants the dumpee to give them space.

No Contact- Dumper becomes curious over time, Honeymoon phase wears off and the power wears off, becomes weaker. Wants the dumpee back in their life, misses the relationship.


Now this is the 1 I'm wondering about. What are the effects of NC in the dumpers case? Is this analogy right? providing the relationship was a really good 1.
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Old 7th January 2011, 10:06 PM   #2
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I definetly think so.. However it dosen't mean that the dumper will act on those feelings.. It really depends how much they are over you and how badly they just want to move on from the relationship.. Also what type of person they are. Filled with pride or acts on what they beleive in. I think the only reason a dumper contacts is because they miss you. If the only miss you slightly it could be only to figure out what your up to..

If its more they try more attempts trying to weazle there way back into our lives. Curiousity is not just curiousity. They miss you for some reason or another. It dosen't mean they want you back though.

They fullfill there own satisfaction in many ways. Thats why putting your foot down is very necessary..
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Old 7th January 2011, 11:00 PM   #3
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My ex was always able to cut people off without any noticable remorse. I assume I've met the same fate as the others. It's likely that she's convinced herself that I never really meant that much to her, so I doubt she's particularly bothered by the fact that she hasn't heard from me. In fact I bet dollars to donuts that she's relieved.
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Old 7th January 2011, 11:14 PM   #4
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Yes your analogy is exactly right. That has been my experience. When I walk away from a woman she will follow or otherwise check up on me. When I say I'm interested they loose interest. I will admit that to me a challenge is more interesting than an easy catch... at least at first. Though what I would really like to experience would be to just have a nice comfortable familiar relationship.

However it's only right to the extent that you can categorize people neatly as dumpee and dumper.

Think about this. If someone dumps you and you keep contacting them...then suddenly stop...it's kind of like you have reversed the roles and in fact dumped them.

Then there's the case where one person did to official dumping....but the person who got officially dumped had already checked out of the relationship on an emotional level.

Then there are the cases where both people were sort of done with the relationship and agree to break up...
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Old 8th January 2011, 1:13 AM   #5
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Some dumpers just do not care and never give their exes a second thought.
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Old 8th January 2011, 3:57 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenPolicy View Post
Some dumpers just do not care and never give their exes a second thought.

Wow, you just described my ex. Did you happen to know her? lol
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Old 8th January 2011, 4:29 AM   #7
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In my experience, for most people (whether dumpee or dumper) it's difficult for no contact, and contact.

When two people are together for a bit, they establish a connection. Where they once didn't have a connection, they do now. And once that person is gone, out of their life, it's a missing piece. Not to say it's best for the relationship to continue, but it's different. They have to restructure their lives around themselves now, as opposed to having this other person to share their life with.

I believe both contact and NC is difficult for both parties. Most of the time, dumpees will say that the dumper didn't go through any pain, doesn't care, etc. Being a dumper myself, in my situation, I can say that is completely wrong. I went through a ton of pain, but it was in both of our best interests to stop the relationship.

Anyway, to answer your question, I believe it's hard on both accounts. Either way, break ups suck. They aren't fun for anyone involved.
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Old 8th January 2011, 5:17 AM   #8
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I think that's a solid and very common theory.
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Old 8th January 2011, 10:24 AM   #9
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I am sure that this theory is true. But my ex dumped me and never looked back. I'd put my money on the fact that I won't ever hear from her again
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Old 8th January 2011, 11:28 AM   #10
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In my experience the dumper didn't give a flying horse crap, At least thats how it showed by the lack of a break up we had, A simple "It's over" for no reason on the phone did her, No more to it. Contacting her killed me over and over, Being her friend took away all my pride, She had me doing her all sorts of favours, Buying her things, I just clung tightly onto false hope for the future.

No contact made me strong, Made me long and believe in something more, It got me 3 Christmas presents and a few emails on her part, Not to say she wanted me back through those gifts or contacting me but I think had I been in contact she wouldn't of respected me enough to buy me anything for Christmas.
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Old 8th January 2011, 11:49 AM   #11
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After everything I did for her, I kinda feel betrayed. She just walked away and never looked back, I am nearly positive that she won't ever contact me again too. I just have a hard time grasping this.
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Old 8th January 2011, 12:03 PM   #12
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For most normal people in a normal relationship that then ends I think the OP is right.

People who can at one point proclaim that they "love" someone....then suddenly cut them off cold are pathological. Their has to be something abnormal about them. They were the problem not you guys.

I just have to point out

Quote:
Originally Posted by SimonSerenade View Post
No contact made me strong, Made me long...
at the double meaning.
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Old 8th January 2011, 12:26 PM   #13
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What is honeymoon phase for dumper?
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Old 8th January 2011, 12:31 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrlonelyone;3185213

People who can at one point proclaim that they "love" someone....then suddenly cut them off cold are pathological. Their has to be something abnormal about them. [I
They were the problem not you guys.[/I]
Not true.....Survival of the fittest. Its either me or her. Im choosing me, u have to be cut throat, the only way people get it....My ex just text me now and im vanishing from her life.
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Old 8th January 2011, 5:05 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimonSerenade View Post
In my experience the dumper didn't give a flying horse crap, At least thats how it showed by the lack of a break up we had, A simple "It's over" for no reason on the phone did her, No more to it. Contacting her killed me over and over, Being her friend took away all my pride, She had me doing her all sorts of favours, Buying her things, I just clung tightly onto false hope for the future.

No contact made me strong, Made me long and believe in something more, It got me 3 Christmas presents and a few emails on her part, Not to say she wanted me back through those gifts or contacting me but I think had I been in contact she wouldn't of respected me enough to buy me anything for Christmas.

Did those gifts include money? All of you described my ex whose as callous as anyone can be,. Ithought i was the only one.
Dumpers who cut people without any remorse are all about control. How tough they are,and dont need anyone. Oh look,how strong i am,i can cut anyone off if they piss me off. To me thats truly weak.
Relationships whether its friendship or love annot thrive if one person wants to control and always gain the upperhand. Remember that.
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