charly26 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Hi friends Mi ex contacted me after 2 months of NC. She did it on Christmas through a text message. Then we started exchanging some texts and she suggested to meet up. She also mentioned that she missed me and had been thinking about me lately. In these two months, I had accomplished many things: being on my own was not that bad, recognized many mistakes I made in the relationship, and that if there was a second chance with her, I'd do better. But I was aware that she was just missing me because I totally disappeared from her life, which doesn't mean she wanted to come back. I went with this mentality: "if she wants the relationship bacj, we could talk, but if she just wants the comfort of a friendship or some kind of friendship with benefits, which might be possible since we were very attracted to each other, then I'd say no, because I'm not over her yet at a 100%" I mighty get hurt in the long run if I get connected emotionally to her again more. So we met two days later, took a walk at a mall, catching up on our lives. I discovered she has been hanging out a lot more, staying at parties or houses parties until 6am. When I was taking her home, we finally talked. I asked why she contacted me, what she was looking for. She said it was hard not to have in her life, to which I asked " so do you want to restablish the relationship?". She didn't want to, she said that something had died and that felt like the right thing to do. I told her I didn't come to convinced of anything, just to know how she was doing and of there was a hope of getting back together. I was not looking for a frienship, not even with benefits. If she doesn't want to have all of me, she can't have any of me. She kinda insisted why not we could hang out from time to time. I said no way, I still loved her a little and that would not make me any good. At the end, we hugged and ended up making out for some minutes as our last time together. I took her home. We wished each other the best. One more kiss on the fore head when she was expecting one on her lips and said good bye. It was and still is hard. I fell in love with her and I still have some remaining feelings. I'm a little frustrated because the relationship didn't work out as I expected it. We could do so many things together, but it never happened. It lasted only 5 months and it was my first relationship, serious one. I could have accepted being friends and had one with benefits, but that would have been more like she got what she wanted. More importantly, I would have suffered having her as a friend when I still had some hope to get back. It's a ****ing horrible feeling after taking this decision. I'd like to read you comments on this, and why not some word of encouragement would be really appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Well I would take what she told you as your answer. You made out and realized it was the last time. Some love stories have a bittersweet ending. Link to post Share on other sites
durkadurka Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Same thing happened to me man, she took me to the airport, we made out, I cried my way through security. Worst.. feeling.. ever. Stay strong my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I am glad nothing like this has happened to me. It would probably be much more than I could handle. I do miss her like crazy Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Dude... That was MONEY!!!!! I wish everyone on here handled a reconnection with an EX like you. You stated what you wanted and needed... She wasn't on board... You stuck to what YOU want and didn't cave! Great Job! Link to post Share on other sites
radrluv72 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Wow...I applaud you, because I can imagine what an incredibly tough thing that was to do. But you did the right thing...you stuck to what it is that you want out of life, and you're not going to settle. For myself, I just got out of a 2 month, yet deeply intimate relationship where I was abruptly dumped (looooooooooong story), and just officially implemented NC a few days ago. As much as I love him and want to work things out, if he were to turn around & contact me tomorrow but be unwilling to really talk things out, I'd do the same thing. I wouldn't settle, and I'd up and walk away again. Good man. Link to post Share on other sites
stupidgurl Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Seriously dude, YOU ROCK!!! Kudos to you for having the gonads to state what you want and not settle for less. Wish I had done that. Keep your head up. Something tells me you're gonna find an awesome girl before you know it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author charly26 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 Thanks guys for your support. When reading them, I felt very satisfied with my decision. You know, when this was happening, especially after we talked, as I mentioned before, we started hugging and making out for some minutes. At that moment, I got a little bit emotional, I don't mean that I begged her not to leave. But I started saying things like "hey baby, I'll miss you" "take care a lot","you'll always be my baby", you know stuff like that. I didn't cry either. She responded with similar, but less emotional things like "you'll always be special to me" "please don't ignore me if we ever run into each other" After all of this, and when being home, I felt like I shoud not have said those things, I wish I had been more serious and looking unaffected. But At that moment, It was difficult. Do you think that conveyed a wrong message? I tried to justify those things I said with understanding that we as humans have emotions and even though men are meant to be strong, we could break down a little bit in situatios like that. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 You know, when this was happening, especially after we talked, as I mentioned before, we started hugging and making out for some minutes. At that moment, I got a little bit emotional, I don't mean that I begged her not to leave. But I started saying things like "hey baby, I'll miss you" "take care a lot","you'll always be my baby", you know stuff like that. I didn't cry either. She responded with similar, but less emotional things like "you'll always be special to me" "please don't ignore me if we ever run into each other" After all of this, and when being home, I felt like I shoud not have said those things, I wish I had been more serious and looking unaffected. But At that moment, It was difficult. Do you think that conveyed a wrong message? What do you think? I for one, think you did great! When I broke up with my EX... I felt and said similar things. Why? Because it was real... I had feelings for her... It was honest... It was sad... It was goodbye! You did not plead or beg so no worries! You did AWESOME!vPicture Perfect example of what to do... in my book! Just so you know... Goodbyes are always hard and they never get any easier! Link to post Share on other sites
2011 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Well done charly you did all you could do, you were honest with her and so you found out the truth, and you are right it is a really difficult thing to go through. I had a short term RL with a really nice girl who I thought was going to be "the one", and I think she thought the same too, although you'd always think that initially wouldn't you. When I met up with her to try and resolve our issues, well mainly hers, I left, kissed her then that was the last time I ever saw her and I think that'll will be the last time I will ever see her again. Sure we have talked and texted but she just aint the same person, I think she kina hates me. We aint talked for a good month now and I do not want to as it hurts to talk and is very awkward so I went NC to save my sanity. I do still have a lot of feelings for her but there's this bit that says you will get hurt double as bad if you try and get her back or meet up with her only to be shunned again. And you know if any of you are in the NC and are thinking if you ever get in contact again, or she/he does or you try and get back with them sometime down the line then think about this: It will not be the same as before, you will both find it hard to trust each other and you have all the emotions and buried hatred to deal with when and if you ever reconcile. I've got to say as well that this break up thing is on a par - emotinal wise - with maybe loosing a close family member or having a serious illness - but even more so is that you know that person you wanted to share the rest of your life with is still there and getting on and you know you will miss them for as long as you live I think hurts even more than a death. 2011 Edited February 21, 2011 by 2011 Link to post Share on other sites
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