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Am I being played by my ex?


TisKris

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Hi all,

 

Me and my ex broke up a little over 3 months ago. We were together for over 3 years ( I'm 27 and he is 28) The break-up was sort of mutual, we were no longer happy and didn't have the same goals, and exceptions any longer. ( I can give me details on this if needed) Right after the break-up I unfortunately tried to beg him back.. and of course this do not work. So I cut my losses and started to move on.

 

Approx. 2 weeks later he contacts me out of the blue to see how I have been and what I have been up to. (mind you he has since already hooked up a girl that he met the day we broke up) Fast forward to 3 months later and we are still in contact with each other every few days. During this 3 month span I have been a total FOOL. Answering each and every call, text, accepting each and every invitation he has thrown out for us getting together (always on his terms of course). I just can't let the false hope die that we will get back together ) At first he was very arrogant, short and distant with me. I tried to convince him again to let us try again or at least hang out and he of course turned me down saying that he hadn't been in love with me for a long time, but "liked" me too much to tell me, that I deserved someone better, that he wanted to be single for awhile but that he didn't want me to cut him out of my life because maybe if it were meant to be we would be together. ( Also he never took blame for any demise of the relationship)

 

Now however, Each time I do contact him first 90& of the time he gets back to me immediately however I do notice that when he initiates contact with me he seems to be more willing to talk, but when I initiate it with him he seems more distant. During the 3 month span of being broken up he has been seeing/talking to other girls even bragging to me about his new " rotation" of women that are all pining over him. I have seen him with other women as well as a friend of mine. I have also been casually dating but not boasting about it, putting pictures up on facebook or really even telling any of my friends about the dates as he had done with his rotation of women.

 

During the past month however a few things have changed. he no longer mentions any of the "girls" that he is talking to or is interested in and no longer asks me about any guys I am seeing. he also seems not as cold and more comfortable to be around me ( like old times) . In the past 2 weeks we have hung out 3 times ( i do not know however if he has kept this a secret from his friends or not) and last weekend he asked me to a baseball game with his friends but I had previous plans. He ended up stopping over my house after the game and we ended up hooking up ( we have hooked up a total of 4 times since the break-up ( no sex however)

 

Because of the baseball game invite.. I thought maybe he wanted to start to work on us getting back together since it would be common knowledge to his friends that we were/had been talking so the next day I waited for a text/call ANY sign of communication from him and I didn't get anything. So I ended up calling him to ask him a question about something stupid and he was kind of short with me on the phone ( he was watching a football game however). I didn't look too much into it and thought that he would either contact me later that night or within the next 2 days. And here I am at day 3 with not hearing a peep from him. Normally at this point I would contact him by sending a stupid text message to spark a conversation but I have decided against it.

 

Do you think he is just stringing me along like he has been doing over the past 3 months or do you think because of the baseball game invite he maybe wants to try to work things out with us? Or

 

I know that I cannot and will not contact him first, but when and if he does contact me should I ignore him for a while or tell him that I cannot continue on with this in limbo situation? I feel at times he needs to be taught a lesson but the temptation to respond back is always too strong.

 

If I really want him back in my life one day as my boyfriend what is the best way I should go about handling the situation?

All of my friends think that I should completely cut contact with him.

the whole DAMN situation is driving me nuts and I have reason to believe that he is borderline narcissistic.

 

Thanks in advance for your responses :)

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Ok.

I'm just gonna find me a huge, big, thick wall and bang my head against it.....:rolleyes::mad:

 

jeesh!

 

Do you really, really need telling??!?

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Ok.

I'm just gonna find me a huge, big, thick wall and bang my head against it.....:rolleyes::mad:

 

jeesh!

 

Do you really, really need telling??!?

 

 

Yes...TaraMaiden I unfortunately do or I wouldn't be on this forum looking for advice :-(

So your advice I assume would be to go NC?

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It most certainly would!

 

If you want my advice - read your post as if you were a complete stranger to the writer.

Make believe it was written by someone completely unknown to you.

Seriously - what would YOU advise?

 

I'm really asking....

because sometimes, when people re-evaluate what they've written, they see things in a whooooole new light.....

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I think you already know your answer and you are hoping that someone will tell you different, but seriously, you need to stop talking to this guy and let him go. He is stringing you along and isn't giving two sh*ts about you or your feelings and you really need to cut off all contact and begin to move forward with your life. Seriously, you have to. I knwo you don't want to hear this and you feel terrible, but it's the only way. You have absolutely NO control and he is seriously d*cking you around. I am so sorry you are hurting and I know you want this to work, but no matter how available and loving and good to him you will be he will never regard you as anything but something to keep on the backburner. If he wanted to be with you, he would. What's stopping him, you obvi want to and have been available to him since the get go.

 

Please stop doing this to yourself. I am so sorry but let him go and start moving on...

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I think you already know your answer and you are hoping that someone will tell you different, but seriously, you need to stop talking to this guy and let him go. He is stringing you along and isn't giving two sh*ts about you or your feelings and you really need to cut off all contact and begin to move forward with your life. Seriously, you have to. I knwo you don't want to hear this and you feel terrible, but it's the only way. You have absolutely NO control and he is seriously d*cking you around. I am so sorry you are hurting and I know you want this to work, but no matter how available and loving and good to him you will be he will never regard you as anything but something to keep on the backburner. If he wanted to be with you, he would. What's stopping him, you obvi want to and have been available to him since the get go.

 

Please stop doing this to yourself. I am so sorry but let him go and start moving on...

 

Thanks Confused9 for your feedback.

 

I guess the worst feeling is how angry I am at myself over the whole thing. I have become my own worst enemy in this process. I suppose I just kept thinking that if I kept being there when he needed me to be that he would realize that i wasn't worth letting go. However as the saying goes- "When people show you who they are, believe them" :-(

 

For all you dumpers out there.. what gives, why do you tend to string the dumpee along? Do you not realize you are doing it or do you and just don't care because of how easy it is?

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Thanks Confused9 for your feedback.

 

 

For all you dumpers out there.. what gives, why do you tend to string the dumpee along? Do you not realize you are doing it or do you and just don't care because of how easy it is?

 

 

The reason they do this is because they want to keep people on the back burner in case plan B doesn't work out.

 

Seriously, we all do this, we all think we can 'change their minds' but what we need to is change our minds and run teh feck away!

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It most certainly would!

 

If you want my advice - read your post as if you were a complete stranger to the writer.

Make believe it was written by someone completely unknown to you.

Seriously - what would YOU advise?

 

I'm really asking....

because sometimes, when people re-evaluate what they've written, they see things in a whooooole new light.....

 

 

Hi TaraMaiden,

 

Thanks forthe insight. You are completely right. I am the first one to tell a friend of mine when she is being wronged or mistreated by a guy but for some reason I can't use my own advice in my own situation. I guess I just need to get stronger!

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It's great how that works, isn't it?

And also, a little bit sad.

Now - do you think you could "follow your own advice"?

Do you see, really, how foolish you've been?

(Not trying to be mean here. But somehow, succeeding anyway.....:p:D)

 

And if he's displaying narcissistic tendencies - honestly - do you really want to have to cope with that, and fight it?

Or even accept it??

Is that what you really feel you deserve to settle for?

 

Being with someone with a diagnosed condition (and you do say you think he might be, not that he is....) is bad enough, because you know you're fighting an unknown quantity... what is 'real', and what is 'condition'?

is it a distinctly blurred overlap?

 

But to not know - means there is no boundary, there is no gauge, there is no definition....

How hard do you want to work on this?

 

Bearing in mind, of course, that you seem to be the only one of the two who WANTS to work at something, here....

 

And nobody can fill two people's shoes....

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It's great how that works, isn't it?

And also, a little bit sad.

Now - do you think you could "follow your own advice"?

Do you see, really, how foolish you've been?

(Not trying to be mean here. But somehow, succeeding anyway.....:p:D)

 

And if he's displaying narcissistic tendencies - honestly - do you really want to have to cope with that, and fight it?

Or even accept it??

Is that what you really feel you deserve to settle for?

 

Being with someone with a diagnosed condition (and you do say you think he might be, not that he is....) is bad enough, because you know you're fighting an unknown quantity... what is 'real', and what is 'condition'?

is it a distinctly blurred overlap?

 

But to not know - means there is no boundary, there is no gauge, there is no definition....

How hard do you want to work on this?

 

Bearing in mind, of course, that you seem to be the only one of the two who WANTS to work at something, here....

 

And nobody can fill two people's shoes....

 

Thanks TaraMaiden,

I don't think for an instant you are being mean. I am and have been completely foolish about the whole thing. I guess I just needed a wake up call and what's unfortunate is that I couldn't divulge all of the details to my friends and family cause they would be so disappointed in me for the amount of contact i have had with my ASSCLOWN ex. So I got on here hoping to get some honest opinions on how I should proceed with this jerk. And now I have even more reaffirmation how much he has been using and hurting me throughout this process. Thanks again for your wise and honest words.

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