Coping with seeing her

[tripfontaine]

Its been a few weeks since I posted my original message. On Friday went out with my friends and my ex-gf turned up again with her new bf. We are both not speaking to each other at the moment. Although I didnt leave (I acted like I didnt care at all) it was very tough and I have suffered quite badly this weekend because of it (upset and depressed). Does anyone have any ideas how I can deal with this, I dont want to lose all my friends because she is out but I'm finding it hard to cope when she is. It almost feels like she is now pushing me out from my friends (and they were my friends originally). Any advice\help would be appreciated.

 

The other problem is one of unresolved issues, I mean looking further down the line at some point (whether its months or years away I dont know) we may start talking again, However we have all these unresolved issues mainly because of how nastily she treated me when I was grieving and we split up. How can we ever get back to speaking terms whilst they are still around. Do you think its best just to forgive and forget or at some point in the future sit down and talk them through (not something i could cope with at the moment)? Basically what I'm trying to say is how can you be friends with someone who has treated you really badly and never apologised or shown remorse for doing so?

[midori]

Dear Trip,

 

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. Since the group of friends in questions are your friends, why not casually but sincerely mention to at least some of them that you'd prefer to not run into your ex at every social outing, especially with her new beau. I imagine anyone would be easily sympathetic, and you wouldn't have to explain yourself too much. The awkwardness of the situation is obvious. Maybe a few of you can check out a new pub without including the ex in your plans. Doesn't have to be a deliberate exclusion/snubbing, and it doesn't mean necessarily that your ex is being eliminated from the group overall.

 

Personally I think it's rather thoughtless of her to foist her new boyfriend onto you like this. Usually people are relatively aware of whose friends are whose after a break-up, and respect boundaries. If she can't be discreet when among people that she knows through you, then your ex shouldn't be surprised if people start to avoid her a bit.

 

But people aren't going to know to do this unless you speak up. If you act like you don't care, people will take you at your word. So you have to let people know how you feel. You don't need to make a big deal about it, just say to one of your friends, "you know when we go out on Friday night I'd frankly rather not see Ex, so why don't we check out this new place? The more the merrier of course, except when it comes to Ex & her new guy. Just don't need that right now, you know?" I'll bet they will.

[Skylark_Mesa]

Something you need to realize is that she cares much more about herself than she cares about you. My current gf is the same way.. doesn't apologize or show a lick of remorse when she does something bad. Last week she hit me as hard as she could and broke some stuff. Things are now back to normal but she STILL hasn't even said a damn thing about it. No apologies, nothing. I apologized for my part. Your ex is trying to make you suffer even more by being seen with her new boyfriend. She is insecure and can assure herself only by making others suffer. She is the same as my gf. Right now I am trying to gather up the strength to drop her like a bad habit (which is all she really is). Try to ignore her if you see her. It will be hard but you can do it. Prove to yourself that you don't need such a terrible person in your life. Best of luck!!!!

[emeraldxx05]

Its been a few weeks since I posted my original message. On Friday went out with my friends and my ex-gf turned up again with her new bf. We are both not speaking to each other at the moment. Although I didnt leave (I acted like I didnt care at all) it was very tough and I have suffered quite badly this weekend because of it (upset and depressed). Does anyone have any ideas how I can deal with this, I dont want to lose all my friends because she is out but I'm finding it hard to cope when she is. It almost feels like she is now pushing me out from my friends (and they were my friends originally). Any advice\help would be appreciated.

 

The other problem is one of unresolved issues, I mean looking further down the line at some point (whether its months or years away I dont know) we may start talking again, However we have all these unresolved issues mainly because of how nastily she treated me when I was grieving and we split up. How can we ever get back to speaking terms whilst they are still around. Do you think its best just to forgive and forget or at some point in the future sit down and talk them through (not something i could cope with at the moment)? Basically what I'm trying to say is how can you be friends with someone who has treated you really badly and never apologised or shown remorse for doing so?

 

Have you thought about asking her? Confront your fears head on? Don't spend time wondering. She may have been hurt by you, and needs reassurance. You will not be able to move on from where you are at the moment, knowledge, my friend is the key to success. Get wise, get progress. Think positive. U r an incredible human being, alive and active and ready for action. X.