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Is Love Possible? Maybe I want to be with my daughter, maybe I'm running away inside


DeadHyjinx

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Hi first time here, love the site. Anyhow I am 22 male Student. About 5-6 months ago me and my Ex broke up. We both lived about 2 hours from our home town. I was attending school and she was working full time takeing care of alot of the financial things.

 

We found out she was pregnant, I dont remember when but my daughter was born on April 17th of this year. In March I moved back with my family, about a month later she did as well. We figured this was the best since we wouldnt be able to handle this alone. We live now in our home town, she is about 20min away.

 

Im not sure to this day why we broke up. I think its cause i couldnt handle alot of what was happening and I was running away. I started living what I thought a normal life was, commuting to school, working when I could and occasionally going to the bar and the such. I didn't have much money and since her birth I have given about $400. I know its not much but its what I have had. I don't work alot now cause I'm going to be graduating school in 3 weeks and im trying to get alot done. I always told her that when i finished school and started working things would be better. I assumed we would get back together after takeing some time off for our own personal things. I couldnt have been more DEAD wrong.

 

I started trying to work things out about a month ago. Over the last month she has stated that we will not be getting back together and I wouldnt even be trying to get back with her if not for the baby. She says all i want is to be with my daughter. One day i was over there holding my little girl, and stef (thats her) walks over to me and pits her hand on my chest and lays her head on it. Shes starts to get choked up and says "i miss this". Thats the only time she has physically show any signs of wanting to get together again.

 

She says on the phone today that she loves me but is no longer in love me with. This is an aged old thing everyone hears at some point. Also I have slept with 2 woman since being away from her and it REALY makes me feel guilty. Both times occured when I was out drinking with my childhood friend. I no longer go out and drink anymore because she never approved of it. I regret sleeping with the people I did and now am getting tested to be safe. Im waiting on the test results before I want to try to get back with her. I also found out she has been dating someone for a week and half. She told me this today, she said she knew him for a few months now.

 

I never thought to get into another relationship and this has thrown me in a twist. I cant take being around if we are never gonna be together, I need time to egt over everything, but i don't want to leave my daughter. My plan was to move to Arizona to start a 4 year degree in game design, but the thought of leaving my daughter is more than i can stand. Staying is also more than i can take. It hurts either way.

 

Shes a church going, moral person. I have always beent he party type. Haven't went to church since I was 5. She finds things to be wrong that I dont. We are different in alot of ways but she pushed me to goto school and I thank her for that. I think she wants a more responsible person, a caregiver, a supporter. Someone to take care of her and be there for her. I want to give her that but it is hard when im broke and at home. 3 weeks of school left and then by the time the checks start comming in, by the time i start getting things going, Im afraid it will be to late.

 

I don;t want to lose her forever, I think I have a chance. Do i? maybe I do want to be with my daughter, maybe im running away inside. Thanks for listening and for all your help.

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P.S. It's really hard seeing my daughter grow up without me. I want to be there every day for every moment. I want to instill values and guide her through her life. I want to be there when shes sad and when shes happy, when she does good and when she...I want to be there all the time. As a dad I find that hard thing to do when the parents are not together. Even if I had her some of the time, her mother will have her most of the time. THats pretty hard reality to face and have to deal with, knowing your not gonna be a REAL father figure, just the dad. She also hasen't press child support on me, I dont know if she will in the future or what...but for now she hasen't.

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Well, it sounds like the relationship with your ex is over.

 

Take her to court and get a joint custody schedule set up. Yes, you won't be there 100% of the time, but neither will she. As I see it, that's really all you can do. You will still be your daughter's father. As unfortunate as it is, many kids are the product of broken relationships and see their parents with the help of joint custody arrangements. Your daughter won't be growing up without you if you are seeing her on a regular basis.

 

Oh, and get a job. Immediately. $400 in four months doesn't even cover the cost of diapers. Your ex shouldn't have to take you to court to make you take financial responsibility.

 

My plan was to move to Arizona to start a 4 year degree in game design, but the thought of leaving my daughter is more than i can stand.

 

I don't understand--aren't you finishing up school now? Were you going to go get another four year degree? Planning to do that while working, since of course, you now have a child?

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I am currently getting an Associate Degree, but I want more. I planned on working part time as a 2D Artist useing my Associate degree while attending school in Arizona. I wanted to stay where I am at if things could be worked out with my ex. I didn't want to leave and have that what if hanging over my shoulders. What if we could have worked things out.

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Sorry to post again but she hasen't done anything about child support. So going to the court and saying anything I would imagine would not be in my best interest...would it?

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I am curious as to why our relationship seems to be over?

 

Exhibit A:

 

Over the last month she has stated that we will not be getting back together

 

Exhibit B:

 

She says on the phone today that she loves me but is no longer in love me with.

 

Exhibit C:

 

I also found out she has been dating someone for a week and half.

 

Exhibit D:

 

I think she wants a more responsible person, a caregiver, a supporter. Someone to take care of her and be there for her.

 

Any questions? Sounds to me like she's moved on.

 

So going to the court and saying anything I would imagine would not be in my best interest...would it?

 

Why are you avoiding supporting your daughter? She is your responsibility. You talk a big game about wanting to be there for her and be a part of her life, but time is only half the job. Kids need clothing, food, a roof over their head, etc. All of that costs money. Frankly I find it extremely shady and craptastic that you are leaving all of that on your ex's shoulders. It's quite convenient that you can spend your money partying at the bars while your daughter likely needs diapers and formula. Why would your ex ever even want to take you back if you won't even help her support your child? That speaks volumes of your character. It seems to me that you are only interested in getting your ex back, the rest of it be damned. It might help your position immensely if you did take some responsibility and showed her that you are going to support your daughter.

 

Sorry to be harsh, but it really burns me when guys don't step up to the plate and take financial responsibility for their children. It further burns me when they complain about having to pay child support or try to avoid paying it.

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no, no, no. you took that so the wrong way. We had agreed that i would give her some money now and it wouldn't be a very big issue till I got out of school. She had a nice amount saved in her bank account. And her parents are very well off. They have only her and the baby living at home.

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