Does it ever feel like it never happened?

[Nikki Sahagin]

Being NC, having him blocked and even avoiding mutual friends (which is incredibly difficult), are making me feel like our relationship never happened.

 

The whole thing has a dreamy, surreal, nightmarish, 'other life' quality to it. I don't even feel i'm the same person and neither is he. I feel like that was another life, another me, another him, and who we are now and where our life's are going is incredibly different. Its a really weird, odd feeling because as time passes, though I carry the memories and the pain, its like it never happened, and almost like we never even met. Our friendship and relatonship has gone back into the blue as quickly as it materialised.

 

Can anyone else relate?

[Div]

Absolutely.

 

It's sad, but I guess it's just the way life is.

If the pieces of the puzzle just don't fit there's nothing you can do about it but move on and find the piece that does. Treasure the memories, but don't dwell on the past. What happened in the past has made you the person you are today. It DID happen, and it did mean something at the time. But take what you have learnt and apply it to your next relationship.

[LoveTruthChaos]

Oh BOY can I relate to every word of that.

The memories and the pain remain, but nothing else does. All sense of the two of you together seems unreal. I get it completely.

 

I think in my case it's because I have an incredible sense of who I am and what I want and where I'm going that some journeys with others are only meant to be temporary and I accept that's what life is. I don't dwell on the past (I do, however, dwell on emotion).

 

So, when a relationship or even a friendship falls apart, I can pick up and continue like nothing ever happened, and the past seems like a dream. I think it's a good thing

[AlwaysConflicted]

Yes, I can relate. I think I've had trouble verbalizing or phrasing it.

 

I agree with Div, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

 

I mentioned it in a thread several days ago, but my ex doesn't even contact me. It's like she just disapeared off the face of the planet. It's almost as if we never existed. I still miss her like crazy, but the entire situation feels so strange that I'm not sure how to cope.

 

Everytime I think about a good memory with her, I quickly remind myself that it's pointless because it's no longer reality. In my opinion it's sad.

[Thierro]

I feel exactly the same. Every word you said. It feels like a dream, like it never happened. It was like she grabbed a paintbrush and painted my world in the most beautiful colors. My life became so vibrant. She created a home inside my heart. We were so happy. The way I could smell her, feel her, taste her and listen to her voice. It was magical. The days we spend together were phenomenal. We were living inside this bubble, secluded from the rest. The memories of the two of us were comfort, like the furniture in my heart. But one day I blinked and when I opened my eyes everything was gone. The colors faded into grey. I felt empty and cold.

 

I don’t know what the hell happened, I don’t know if it was real or not, it’s like I can’t remember. It was a dream. It must have been a dream. It was perfect and perfect doesn’t exist, right? I have no idea how her skin feels, how her voice sounds, how her lips feel or the feelings I had when I made love to her. I can't remember.

[LoveTruthChaos]

I don’t know what the hell happened, I don’t know if it was real or not, it’s like I can’t remember. It was a dream. It must have been a dream. It was perfect and perfect doesn’t exist, right? I have no idea how her skin feels, how her voice sounds, how her lips feel or the feelings I had when I made love to her. I can't remember.

 

YES.

And that's our mind's way of coping.

I look forward to spending a lifetime with the right man who will NEVER let me forget.

[Username37]

Totally.

 

She opened my heart. I never felt love before. It was great. It was something else. I knew that I was truly happy with this girl. I could hold someone, kiss them, and listen to them. Being with her felt like home ya know? And when it came to an end. I don't know. I didn't know her anymore. She just became part of the background.

 

Those good times that we shared are so special to me. I'm not going to pull any Eternal Sunshine stuff and erase everything hahaha.

[lullaby]

OMG, you're all so right and I can totally relate to it. I guess we all do.

 

You feel like you don't even know who you went out with, who was that person you loved so much.

 

The memory starts to fade and you wonder how someone so important in your life can vanish like this, turn into someone else... and it does hurt.

 

On the one hand, it's a good sign that you're moving on, but on the other it's shocking and painful to remember what you once had and now it's gone.

 

I think the part I hate the most about it is that I fear I may be losing hope for any upcoming relationship I may encounter with, don't you? The feeling that 'will it happen again?'

[Ilovecake]

Being NC, having him blocked and even avoiding mutual friends (which is incredibly difficult), are making me feel like our relationship never happened.

 

The whole thing has a dreamy, surreal, nightmarish, 'other life' quality to it. I don't even feel i'm the same person and neither is he. I feel like that was another life, another me, another him, and who we are now and where our life's are going is incredibly different. Its a really weird, odd feeling because as time passes, though I carry the memories and the pain, its like it never happened, and almost like we never even met. Our friendship and relatonship has gone back into the blue as quickly as it materialised.

 

Can anyone else relate?

 

That is very normal, it's called growing apart. Neither one of you are the same people, you're both constantly changing. You should be happy, this is a good thing, don't try to forcibly hold on, just let it go.

 

I see my ex and it's like I don't even know him. I sort of recognize the face but I feel no connection at all. I couldn't be happier.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I suppose as i'm not content with this process at the moment, I still haven't truly let go. I didn't realise that until you posted. I think I find it difficult because he is so intertwined with my friends and my past, and so I have to let a lot of them go to avoid him. It seems i'm losing a lot more than I initially thought I was. But also, you know that weird feeling where people you didn't really fuss about one way or the other are the ones that are always there, but the people you really cared about are sometimes the ones we lose - I find that very difficult to grasp.

[davisc123]

Yes I know exactly what you all mean. I've tried to put my finger on what changed about her. I try and remember how she seemed different at the beginning of the relationship.

 

I don't think she has changed, or at least not fundamentally. The reason it seems that way is because she started to feel differently about me. She no longer adored or respected me the way she used to and began to treat me with a disrespect that I never thought she was capable of. I have never really been bitter, just extremely disappointed and sad that someone I cared so much about and would have dropped the world for didn't feel the same.

 

But I know exactly where you are coming from. The good times now seem like a dream, even now that the worst of the pain is over. Losing a relationship changes your life so much that it is bound to feel that way. But I try to look at it as an opportunity to start a fresh, create something new and better.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Yes I know exactly what you all mean. I've tried to put my finger on what changed about her. I try and remember how she seemed different at the beginning of the relationship.

 

I don't think she has changed, or at least not fundamentally. The reason it seems that way is because she started to feel differently about me. She no longer adored or respected me the way she used to and began to treat me with a disrespect that I never thought she was capable of. I have never really been bitter, just extremely disappointed and sad that someone I cared so much about and would have dropped the world for didn't feel the same.

 

But I know exactly where you are coming from. The good times now seem like a dream, even now that the worst of the pain is over. Losing a relationship changes your life so much that it is bound to feel that way. But I try to look at it as an opportunity to start a fresh, create something new and better.

 

Its great that you have such a positive attitude - that will get you far! I have my moments but I do sink into my moments of pessimism.

 

I agree with what you said, that the difference occurs because they no longer respect or adore us. With reflection my ex could be pretty disrespectful and cruddy to a lot of people but never to me, so I didn't really 'see' it. Now that I am one of those people he treats badly, I do see it and it feels like a change in him, when really its a change of circumstance.

[bitlost]

the only way i can relate to this is that it is the EXACT OPPOSITE of my situation. it what i would LIKE to happen, but all thats happening with me, is that i go deeper and deeper into how things were. it is so very hard for me to accept that things have changed (like my mind understands and rationalises it and chides me (my heart actually - that is the culprit) for being weak and hopelessly compromising on my own dignity.

 

yet, i love him so much and i cannot believe that the man i loved so much just walked out. like i cant believe this is real. i just hope and pray every moment that this is a bloody nightmare and i will soon get a text/mail/call from him. and my tears they just dont stop

[davisc123]

To be honest it is partially bravado, I still have my moments where it all seems worthless without her. But I'm finding that a positive mental attitude helps to keep this to a minimum, and time is definitely helping.

 

I know people say that you shouldn't dwell on it but its not that easy. I think you have to think of all the positive aspects that can come out of it. In terms of relationships, I'm not ready for one yet but I'm looking forward to the day when I meet someone who can make me feel that way again. It will happen (See? PMA) .

[chalkfarm]

Yes, it all seems unreal. There are times when I think I wouldn't recognize him if I saw him. How sad....

[sultry33]

Oh BOY can I relate to every word of that.

The memories and the pain remain, but nothing else does. All sense of the two of you together seems unreal. I get it completely.

 

I think in my case it's because I have an incredible sense of who I am and what I want and where I'm going that some journeys with others are only meant to be temporary and I accept that's what life is. I don't dwell on the past (I do, however, dwell on emotion).

 

So, when a relationship or even a friendship falls apart, I can pick up and continue like nothing ever happened, and the past seems like a dream. I think it's a good thing

 

I am exactly like this.. reason I got called the ice queen.. its a coping tecnique.. it hurts on the inside whether I have been the dumpee or the dumped.. but to me I dont show it on the outside.. life goes on:)

[GrayClouds]

I dont show it on the outside.. life goes on:)

 

But for those who are trying to become healthy, honest, fulling integrated individuals as life goes on they are willing to draw up the courage and do the hard work to grow as people. That the "insides and the outside" in unified in what it wants and projects into the world as a true sign of the individual strength.

[mickleb]

I am exactly like this.. reason I got called the ice queen.. its a coping tecnique.. it hurts on the inside whether I have been the dumpee or the dumped.. but to me I dont show it on the outside.. life goes on:)

 

This may help you to get through, sultry but I *gots* to tell ya, it doesn't sound healthy to me.

 

Whatever gets you through the night, whilst being useful in the first few weeks, can be a slippery slope when it comes to dealing with trauma.

 

x

[bananaboat11]

It's an instinctive way we've adapted to cope with emotional loss and it's very common. It does feel surreal and uncalled for, but it's best to leave it at that. Why subject yourself to unsuitable emotion, feeling...? Remember who you were... see who you are... and who you want to be. Let go of the future self. You cannot mold yourself to how you WANT to be. Live each day with each moment it brings you. Adapt to your life... not theirs. If it is meant to be, you will know it. And so will he... and you both will work at it. That, however, is not something you need worry about at this time.

 

Focus.

 

Focus on yourself. Enter at your own pleasure... Where you go from here depends on the doors that you open standing before you.

[sultry33]

This may help you to get through, sultry but I *gots* to tell ya, it doesn't sound healthy to me.

 

Whatever gets you through the night, whilst being useful in the first few weeks, can be a slippery slope when it comes to dealing with trauma.

 

x

 

Yea I know and its something im going to work on but been that way for many yrs and in the right rs my feelings are shown maybe not spoken but shown.

 

I make sure I cry alot in the first weeks that helps me .. then pick myself up and move on.

[GrayClouds]

 

I make sure I cry alot in the first weeks that helps me .. then pick myself up and move on.

 

But you it have not, it seems it is not working.

Edited July 18, 2010 by GrayClouds

[sultry33]

How do you guage this reply?

[GrayClouds]

Despite you proclamation you move on, clearly how your choosing to is not working for you and others should be discourage to think it will for them

How do you guage this reply?

 

I am exactly like this.. reason I got called the ice queen.. its a coping tecnique.. it hurts on the inside whether I have been the dumpee or the dumped.. but to me I dont show it on the outside.. then pick myself up and move on.

VS

I have come to realise that reason my current rs is probably not working

is that im still not over my ex..

I still do think about him every day and no matter what i do it still hurts.

 

I cannot settle for less, i dont think i actually want my ex.. or do i?

________________________________________________________________

 

Sorry Nikki to encourage this thread jack. From here I let sulty post her own thread if she want advice.

 

As for you, from all you have posted, he was a crappy guy who treated people poorly but made you feel special because he treated you better. Now he treats you like everyone else. Your not missing him, your missing feeling special, so start making yourself feel special.

 

What three things you can do tomorrow to do just that?

 

.

 

 

..

[BlindbyLove]

I can relate to so many here. It's as if my life was a fairytale that someone else opened up and erased me from the pages and dropped me back into another book full of blank pages. did all those years really exist,,,,wow

[jlr]

I completely relate to this.

 

And that's probably why it's so hard for me.

 

I know there was a place in time where we we're happy. When I felt it'd never change. And then it did. And we're not.

 

But it's so hard for me to accept that we can't go back to that moment. That she's changed, we've changed, time's gone by. Still, I wish we could try to get back there.

 

But that's the difference between me and her. She's not willing to ever do that again. And, in the end, I guess that makes it clear to me that her "forevers" and her "I love you's" came with expiration dates. And that's not the kind of love I long for anyways.

 

But yeah, sometimes, it seems like it was a dream. Or a movie. Or something that doesn't exist on THIS planet. It's weird.

 

Anyways.