help me from getting into that cycle again..

[Perhaps]

Hey LS'ers,

 

Hope you all are staying strong and enjoying the summer. I haven't been around for the past while -- I finally found a summer job and joined a sports league and have practically overloaded my schedule to keep myself busy.

 

The problem is, I kept getting blocked calls twice every month or so. Well, last night, she kept calling and I couldn't turn my phone off since I had my alarms set on it. She texted me saying she'll come to my house if I keep ignoring her. She kept calling and to make her stop, I finally picked up. She said she just wanted to say hi and see how i've been doing. I kept to myself during the convo -- mostly 'cause I was tired and had to wake up early. She asked me why I don't want to talk to her -- I'd told her a thousand times why -- because I still may have feelings for her and because of the way she treated me when I would have done anything for her.

 

I've tried being assertive enough times but she keeps wanting to be friends, though it seems like she calls only when she's having bad days. She has a boyfriend now (last she told me, anyway) -- why does she need to see how I am? She never cared when I ran myself into the ground just to get her to talk to me...

 

My friend tells me to just snap at her next she calls -- let her know that she has to stop ****ing calling me... basically, cuss her off. I don't want to change my number. Why should I change my number? She didn't care about me when I did things for her most boyfriends would never even do. Now that I'm trying to put myself first, I'm selfish?

 

What should I do to tell her I don't want to be friends? It would take too much to make a relationship work and I don't think she wants one with me -- she wouldn't put in the effort to make it work.

 

I'd appreciate any advice...

 

Thanks

[skydiveaddict]

You're doing the the right thing. keep it up. next time she calls just tell her please stay out of your life, you have better things to do

[Perhaps]

yeah, but she keeps calling and i feel bad rejecting her calls..

 

why can't SHE see that i have a right to move on after she crushed me?

[skydiveaddict]

dont feel bad about it. she jerking you around

[DustySaltus]

yeah, but she keeps calling and i feel bad rejecting her calls..

 

why can't SHE see that i have a right to move on after she crushed me?

 

She can't see it because she's selfish. You said it yourself, she only calls you when she feels bad or things aren't going well in her life. The best response is indifference.

 

Explain to her that you do not want to hear from her anymore. If she continues you're going to need to decide whether or not you want to move things to the next level, getting the authorities involved.

 

She's a very selfish girl and you don't know how lucky you are to be where you're at right now, trust me you know my situation....

 

Don't feel bad, you didn't quit, all you did was be yourself. She showed you who she is, believe her...

[cyanide_catharsis]

perhaps,

i hope i'm not out of line by asking this, but how long have you been separated from your ex? i can tell from your post that she really hurt you at one point, but i really admire you. you are at a place that i am DYING to be at. i would love to feel like i don't want my ex to contact me and to have the strength to tell her to stop if she would contact me.

 

i would say that you are doing the right thing by telling her to stop talking to you, if you have the strength to do that, then good for you. keep it up!

[Perhaps]

perhaps,

i hope i'm not out of line by asking this, but how long have you been separated from your ex? i can tell from your post that she really hurt you at one point, but i really admire you. you are at a place that i am DYING to be at. i would love to feel like i don't want my ex to contact me and to have the strength to tell her to stop if she would contact me.

 

i would say that you are doing the right thing by telling her to stop talking to you, if you have the strength to do that, then good for you. keep it up!

 

Well, we broke up 2 years ago - I did it. But a year later, I regretted it and spent a year apologizing and living under a mountain of guilt. She took advantage of that - took me back but eventually tossed me aside. Some would say I probably deserved it. But a year of being kept on the backburner was too much so I implemented NC. It's been months since we talked but tonight I talked to her. She doesn't want me back and we talked about it. She understands that I'm not ready and will respect that. It took me 6 months to get to a level where I can live my life without letting thoughts of her slow me down. I still think of her - but I don't overanalyze it. My best advice is to join the gym or a sports team. A breakup kills one's self esteem and physical activity not only allows for a channel to relieve that stress, but it also builds self esteem as you get in better shape. But yeah, I still miss her - and she knows as well as I do that none of the guys she has dated so far and will date can love her the way I loved her. I'm a hopeless romantic.

[Heatemyheart89]

Don't feel bad block her calls.

[Sukichan]

I think you have every right to do what is best for you. You've appoligized when you have ended things, and she took advantage of your guilt. You need to put your own needs first, after all, that's what she's doing.

 

You are strong enough to not pick up her calls, she shouldn't be a part of your life until you get to a point of indifference. Believe in yourself, you can do this.

[Perhaps]

I think you have every right to do what is best for you. You've appoligized when you have ended things, and she took advantage of your guilt. You need to put your own needs first, after all, that's what she's doing.

 

You are strong enough to not pick up her calls, she shouldn't be a part of your life until you get to a point of indifference. Believe in yourself, you can do this.

 

Thanks for the boost. I talked to her last night and we ended on good terms. I think she will respect my feelings this time and not call. It's hard to move on because I don't have that anger or resentment to propel me forward. I just don't think I'll meet someone whom I will love as much as I loved her. She was my first real girlfriend and I was not in good shape when we first met - so I've always associated my happiness with her. Some people might call this really unhealthy and maybe it is. But I like that kind of love. I know it sounds wrong, but I have friends who have girlfriends and I ask them if they ever felt that way and they say no. I can't explain to them what they're missing. It's the highest of highs - and since she was my first, I don't think any other will ever take me that high. Ever.

 

I miss my girlfriend.

[monkeymaid]

im kind of direct, so here it goes.

 

 

you are seriously feeling bad about blocking her calls? and blowing her off?

 

you spent 6 mos fighting to get her back, knocking down her door, and now that she took you back, shes tossed you aside, and you are still feeling bad becasue you feel as if you effed it up when you left her the 1st time. ..does this sound right?

 

dude, you have got to grow a pair, and as much as it hurts, or makes you feel guilty or whatever, you need to either block her, tell her off with some conviction, or seriously just change your number.

 

you need to focus on you, and it sounds as some self assertvieness is in store for you on your road.

[Perhaps]

im kind of direct, so here it goes.

 

 

you are seriously feeling bad about blocking her calls? and blowing her off?

 

you spent 6 mos fighting to get her back, knocking down her door, and now that she took you back, shes tossed you aside, and you are still feeling bad becasue you feel as if you effed it up when you left her the 1st time. ..does this sound right?

 

dude, you have got to grow a pair, and as much as it hurts, or makes you feel guilty or whatever, you need to either block her, tell her off with some conviction, or seriously just change your number.

 

you need to focus on you, and it sounds as some self assertvieness is in store for you on your road.

 

As right as you are, I think subconsciously I'm afraid to put myself first because the last time I did that was when I broke up with her. But you're right, I do need to work on some self esteem issues on my part...

[Sukichan]

I understand what you mean when you say it's hard to put yourself first. I'm the type who thinks of others needs more than my own. But from my breakup, you can't truly give all that you are capable of until you take very good care of yourself.

 

Take this time as a self-discovery time for your life. You see tons of threads where people leave very good relationships to "find themselves" and what not. Do this for yourself now, and then you'll be a much better partner later on.

 

At least, this is what I think.

 

Since my breakup, I've been a better person. I'm an even better version of who I used to be, with a lot more self-esteem and confidence. I'm sure you can do the same, and we are also around the same age, I think, so, yeah, you CAN do this!