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Friend with narcissistic SO


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Hi

 

I have a friend who is slowly losing herself trying to make things work with a narcissistic person. her boundaries are constantly being torn down and she is like an emotional servant, constantly wanting his approval despite his self centered behavior.

 

people need to come around on their own, and it's best not to interfere, but when someone keeps going deeper at what should be wake up points, it's worrisome.

 

what are some good articles or advice that you can give to someone in such a situation in order for them to hopefully begin to iron out the emotional mess they are in?

 

thanks.

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I understand that you are coming from compassion and concern, and that is admirable. If you approach it sensitively, your friend will come to realize how blessed she is to have a friend like you. :love:

 

You may want to first find out if she is happy with the way her life and relationship are going. Just ask her as part of general conversation over coffee or lunch or whatever. If she says she is fine, then you are called upon to just accept what she tells you and to realize that she (her psyche) is not yet ready or strong enough to do the self-contemplative work that would be required for her to "wake up".

 

If that happens, just reiterate how much you love and care about her and reassure her that you will always be there for her with compassion and understanding...not recriminations, criticisms or harsh judgments of her own choices.

 

If, on the other hand, she feels safe enough to share with you that she is unhappy, then you can consider gifting her a book like 'Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin' by Anne Katherine, or 'Toxic Criticism' by Eric Maisel. (You could check the customer reviews at amazon.com, and then use your best knowledge of her to decide which may be a good 'primer' for her.)

 

There are plenty other books and resources. Your role would just be to get the ball rolling for her, so to speak -- if and when she is fully ready and equipped, she will seek out the books, therapists and techniques that will work best for her own healing. Trust her that she (her psyche) does know exactly what she will need, and when will be her best time to undertake her own healing work.

 

Again, I admire and appreciate your caring.

Wishing you and your friend much happiness and peace.

Edited by Ronni_W
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I understand that you are coming from compassion and concern, and that is admirable. If you approach it sensitively, your friend will come to realize how blessed she is to have a friend like you. :love:

 

You may want to first find out if she is happy with the way her life and relationship are going. Just ask her as part of general conversation over coffee or lunch or whatever. If she says she is fine, then you are called upon to just accept what she tells you and to realize that she (her psyche) is not yet ready or strong enough to do the self-contemplative work that would be required for her to "wake up".

 

If that happens, just reiterate how much you love and care about her and reassure her that you will always be there for her with compassion and understanding...not recriminations, criticisms or harsh judgments of her own choices.

 

If, on the other hand, she feels safe enough to share with you that she is unhappy, then you can consider gifting her a book like 'Boundaries: Where You End And I Begin' by Anne Katherine, or 'Toxic Criticism' by Eric Maisel. (You could check the customer reviews at amazon.com, and then use your best knowledge of her to decide which may be a good 'primer' for her.)

 

There are plenty other books and resources. Your role would just be to get the ball rolling for her, so to speak -- if and when she is fully ready and equipped, she will seek out the books, therapists and techniques that will work best for her own healing. Trust her that she (her psyche) does know exactly what she will need, and when will be her best time to undertake her own healing work.

 

Again, I admire and appreciate your caring.

Wishing you and your friend much happiness and peace.

 

Thanks for the feedback. I understand what you're saying about someone's psyche needing to be ready for them to wake up, and just letting them know there is someone there who knows the direction to the way out. I'll check out those books, they sound like good material for ironing things out when you finally realize that the way you are being treated isn't normal.

 

Thanks :)

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