USMCHokie Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 It's been over 10 months since the breakup...had my fair share of ups and downs...but recently I've been on an upswing...joined an online dating site and met someone...been on a few dates and things have been going pretty well... I feel like I'm ready to move on...but tonight I decided to sift through some old stuff...and of course the memories came flooding back...not in a way that would cause me to regress from all the progress I've made in getting over her...but just thoughts and memories of the past... Now that I'm toeing the line to completely moving on and trying to find happiness with someone new, I have that feeling that I don't want to move on... I fully know there's no chance in hell that she'll ever come back, but part of me can't help but hang onto something that's already gone... To quote the Daughtry song, September: "Of all the things I still remember, Summer's never looked the same. The years go by and Time just seems to fly, But the memories remain..." When it came time to really move on, was it easy for you to just take that leap to the other side...? Link to post Share on other sites
onewillburn Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 What the hell, man? Keep moving on. Don't look back. No more looking through mementos or anything. You do want to move on. And you will. Enough of this nonsense. Time to make some new memories, man. Link to post Share on other sites
teanoranges Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Do I have to use the boat paddle? Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 I've been there my friend. When you have been dealing with the coping and pain for so long, you get used to it and even if it is receding as you go on, it's still running in the background. So when you are ready to make that final leap, part of you is reluctant to let go of that mindset you've been in for a while. Counterintuitive? yes, but the brain is a funny thing. Same thing happened to me with my prior breakup. I was at the 8 month mark, so around where you are, and was pretty much over it and ready to start dating and close the door, and yet when I was looking to do that I had some final thread that was binding me to the past. Almost as if by severing it, I was shutting everything down forever, even though I knew she wasn't coming back. I guess at that point, I began to think about the breaking up and coping as moving out of your childhood house you have all those memories of. You can box up everything, empty the rooms and have the keys to a new house, but it isn't until you shut the front door, and lock it and give away the keys that you are really done with it, and that's when sometimes nostalgia and regrets can resurface one last time. You're doing great man, enjoy the new girl, and realize you deseve the happiness you've worked so hard towards. Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Keep moving forward! Emotional freedom from your ex is very close. You will find someone to have new experiences and make new memories. Then the old ones will stop invoking strong feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted June 9, 2010 Author Share Posted June 9, 2010 Do I have to use the boat paddle? Thanks tea, you took the words right out of my mouth... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted June 9, 2010 Author Share Posted June 9, 2010 I've been there my friend. When you have been dealing with the coping and pain for so long, you get used to it and even if it is receding as you go on, it's still running in the background. So when you are ready to make that final leap, part of you is reluctant to let go of that mindset you've been in for a while. Counterintuitive? yes, but the brain is a funny thing. Same thing happened to me with my prior breakup. I was at the 8 month mark, so around where you are, and was pretty much over it and ready to start dating and close the door, and yet when I was looking to do that I had some final thread that was binding me to the past. Almost as if by severing it, I was shutting everything down forever, even though I knew she wasn't coming back. I guess at that point, I began to think about the breaking up and coping as moving out of your childhood house you have all those memories of. You can box up everything, empty the rooms and have the keys to a new house, but it isn't until you shut the front door, and lock it and give away the keys that you are really done with it, and that's when sometimes nostalgia and regrets can resurface one last time. You're doing great man, enjoy the new girl, and realize you deseve the happiness you've worked so hard towards. Good analogy there...and that is exactly how I feel...that by closing that door forever, I'm sort of shutting down...or at least shutting out what once was such a big part of my life... Link to post Share on other sites
thepulse27 Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Now that I'm toeing the line to completely moving on and trying to find happiness with someone new, I have that feeling that I don't want to move on... I fully know there's no chance in hell that she'll ever come back, but part of me can't help but hang onto something that's already gone... I've been thinking about this a lot recently. I'm loving life, and loving where its taking me, but there's still that one connection left; when I think about my life, she is still a part of it. I think it's the last thing we all let go of, and I think it's the hardest part, because in the back of our minds we know, once we let go; that's it. That incredible connection we had with another human being is gone. And that scares us so much. I think for me part of the fear is that I don't want this to become just another chapter of my life, because for some reason I associate that with her thinking of me as just another person she met. And that still breaks my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
teanoranges Posted June 9, 2010 Share Posted June 9, 2010 Man, you guys are too much. I want to get over my ex.. I'm just incredibly stubborn and would hate for him to come back and pull the 'I told you you'd get over me and find someone better' line. xd or maybe I think that the 'moving on' is saying 'well yea, love doesn't last forever and this thing you thought was amazing... really wasn't. sorry. its life.' or something. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 or maybe I think that the 'moving on' is saying 'well yea, love doesn't last forever and this thing you thought was amazing... really wasn't. sorry. its life.' I disagree with this. I think life is filled with amazing experiences and people. But, just like everything else in life, they all must come to an end. So, I believe moving on is saying "Yeah, what we had was real, and it was great and amazing. But, it's run it's course and now it's time to move passed that stage in our lives, and move towards the next greatest thing that will come along. That's life." Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 Erica makes a good point. There are lots of phases and events in life to look back on with nostalgia. The fun and innocence of grade school, college, the groups of people you have been friends with or partied with at various points in life. Most of those end at some point, a chapter closes and you move on. I can look back at my college days with a lot of great memories, but it ended and I moved onto to a different experience which had it's own fun. It's always sad when a relationship ends, you hang onto the good memories and want them back. But the reality is, MOST relationships in life don't last forever. You shared a period of time together, hopefully mostly good, and at some point, it wasn't working for both people. Sure it's sad, I miss a lot of things about my ex, our trips, our holidays etc, but there will be new memories formed without that her now that will also be great. Link to post Share on other sites
teanoranges Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 I disagree with this. I think life is filled with amazing experiences and people. But, just like everything else in life, they all must come to an end. So, I believe moving on is saying "Yeah, what we had was real, and it was great and amazing. But, it's run it's course and now it's time to move passed that stage in our lives, and move towards the next greatest thing that will come along. That's life." Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not saying that is how I look back on it. I think I was trying to say by quoting two lines is that my outlook on the thing changes... for me (definitely not ALL people).. my outlook changes depending on my mood... one day I might shrug something off... the next I wonder why I opened my mouth and said something stupid... and another day I could think something was a blissful moment. I've come to truly accept that emotions are things that fluctuate... for me of course... some people are pretty still in their emotions.. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 In short: no, it wasn't. There was a long period of time (about a year) where I felt I was making progress, but it turned out I was just in the calm before the storm; it was all culminating into (about) one last month of sudden, extreme pain - and then, as quick as it came, it was over. I finally felt myself let go completely. I can tell you that it takes a tremendous amount of strength to fight through that last storm and finally cut all those invisible 'strings of possibility', if you know what I mean. It's hard to explain. The only thing I can relate it to is a wash of relief going over you. To put it simply, it gets much worse before it gets better, but you will know it for sure when it happens. The breaking point. Link to post Share on other sites
teanoranges Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 The only thing I can relate it to is a wash of relief going over you. it gets much worse before it gets better Yes! lovely words. and the 'worse before better' is sooo much like 'time heals' its one of those thing we hate and kind of blow off.... but in the end it is soooo true (at least in my opinion) Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Share Posted June 10, 2010 Ok, so I just went on a first date tonight with someone I met online. She is really awesome. I am ready to make the leap now. That is all. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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