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I feel completely lost like nothing will make me happy


HopelessRomance

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HopelessRomance

For basically the past 2 years I have been in constant relationships. I only dated for one of those years but I was best friends with my ex, lived with him and was the most important person in his life for a year.

 

Now it's all over and Im finally alone, living by myself. I have no close friends and basically no hobbies. I only work 3 or 4 days a week so I have no idea what to do with myself.

 

I am very shy and have extremly low self confidence which is pretty much the reason for the lack of friends and hobbies. I hate being in uncomfortable situations which is why making friends is so hard for me and I can't seem to enjoy doing something I'm not good at hence why I have no hobbies.

 

See where I'm going with this? It's like the only thing I am good at and like doing is being in a relationship and it takes two for that. I feel so lost and have no idea where to go from here.

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I liked the bit you wrote about not enjoying things you just aren't very good at and so that why you've no hobbies. It made me smile because I'm like that!

 

Anyway, clearly you are insightful and if you can live as a best friend with an ex for a year are very strong and resourceful. There seem to be two issues one; you feel you need to be with another person to be whole and two; your lack of independce/self-esteem. For the first is counselling available to you? You could end up with some very unsuitable men if you don't address this. Posting on here and looking through for similar threads will unearth lots of invaluable advice too. For the second issue well do you know what you like to do and just can't be bothered or do you really have no clue about what would interest you? If you have no clue make a list of things you are unhappy with and start to change them, start with the easiest.

 

I know it's sooooo hard to get going down a new path in life but do because positive steps create positive moods, a change in mood will follow the change in behaviour, that's definite.

 

I don't know if this will help you but the main thing is you help yourself which you have already started to do by posting on here. All the best.

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HopelessRomance

I have tried going to a psychologist before. It didn't work out so well because I have a tendency to lie or glaze over important points when Im talking to a stranger. I avoid certian points so I don't get emotional even though I know thats why Im there for it is just too uncomfortable. I have been thinking about giving it another shot, but the money thing is a bit of an issue I guess.

 

I don't really know exactly what it is about what I enjoy. A few years ago I spent practically a whole year on my own. I was really good at it back then. I wasn't partiularly happy but I coped with it great, almost enjoyed being on my own.

 

Then I started dating and the things I used to do I seem to have lost interest in. I only got dumped less than 2 weeks ago and I know that when I feel like this things I usually like seem to interest me less. I get kind of ADD and can't keep my mind on anything. Things just don't flow at all when I'm on my own.

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You sound very much like me. I had one very close friend for 20 years when my boyfriend dumped me she decided to do the same and told me out of the blue that we no longer have anything in common and she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. Double whammy, I was left completely alone.

First of all it sounds to me like you are suffering from depression and really do need therapy. Lack of interest and enjoyment is a major sign of depression. On top of that depression makes you feel tired so it’s hard to fight it. Not to be harsh but to me it sounds like you are making a slew of excuses not to get better because it actually takes work and stepping out of your comfort zone to make changes in your life. You say you don’t want to see a therapist because you lie. Why not make a conscious effort to stop lying, especially since you know it’s for your benefit? When you go to a therapist you are paying them to help you just like any other doctor. Believe me they have heard it all, they do not judge you. If money is an issue you could find free group therapy sessions or most therapist will work on a sliding scale. I really think this needs to be your number one priority. You have to have someone to talk to or it will only get worse.

I also understand not enjoying things you’re not good at but who cares if you’re good at anything nobody but you has to know and the more you do something the better you’ll get at it. I did things like buy a sewing machine for $80 on Ebay. I don’t know how to sew but decided to teach myself since it’s something I can do at home in my own privacy. I made some awful curtains that don’t even fit properly in my window but I made it a project and it took me two days to do it. That was two days of healing and being too busy to cry and feel sorry for myself. Then I made some skull pillows for Halloween and after the third pillow I actually started getting better at it. That was another few days of being to busy to think about how crappy I feel. Next thing I know a year goes by and my ex started becoming a distant memory and I’ve learned to sew (a little).

I still think about him here and there and I’m still extremely angry with him but I sure as heck do not feel as bad as I did right after the breakup. You simply can not allow yourself to dwell on how badly you feel because you will change your brain chemistry and it will be harder to heal.

Also you might want to pick up some self help books that maybe could explain a little bit about your breakup and how you are feeling.

Good luck.

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