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I've been pumped to go to the RJD2 show for weeks. It was last night. The day before I posted about going on my Facebook. A friend of mine, who I met through her, sent me a message warning me that he heard her saying she was going to this.

 

It made me think of her all day. What I'd do. How I'd react. What if the new guy is there?

 

It made me kinda mad too. Like, she knows this is one of my favorites, and while she "liked a few songs," was never huge into it. She maybe went to one of his shows with me, and I probably saw him like 4 times during the time I knew her. But, whatever. She can do what she wants, I suppose. She always has....

 

I debated not going. Which I decided against. I decided that this is something I like, and I'm not gonna ruin my fun just because she might be there.

 

So I went.

 

She was there. I was outside talking to a friend when she came in by herself. I saw her out of the corner of my eye, and my buddy gave me a heads up. I didn't look her way, I continued to talk to my friend. It was really crowded, but I saw her when I was going to the bathroom, but she was looking the other way. Then, when I was grabbing a drink, she was at the bar, but down further. I could see her staring at me out of the corner of my eye, and I chose to not look. I almost thought she was going to come over to me, as she started moving down, closer. I got my drink, and rolled off.

 

Then, after the show, I'm talking with a group of people, and I see her and some people she must have met up there talking. They were relatively close to us. At one point, she looked at me and then they all turned around and looked at me. I pretended not to notice.

 

It hurt to think that for a period of time, I was closer to her than anything in my life. We shared a life. And now, we're basically strangers. Or, we're not. But we pretend to be. I just kept thinking how sad that is.

 

I was proud of myself though. Despite her being there, I still managed to enjoy myself and the music. And I was able to not let my pain show, as I usually wear my hear on my sleeve. This time, she didn't see it. I didn't let her have that from me. Sure, it still stung like hell, but I did it. I faced my fears of running into her, and I survived it.

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Well done Jlr, you handled that really well and still managed to have a good time! I know what you mean though, how someone you were once so close to, are now complete strangers, it is sad but does need to be done in order to heal :)

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threebyfate

The first time you see an ex, is really tough. All your feelings come crashing into your mind, ramped up by adrenaline.

 

You did very well! It takes internal strength to not rise to the bait. It also proves that you've shored yourself up enough, to continue moving on.

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Well done, jlr. I don't know if I'd be able to demonstrate that discipline and resolve...but I wholeheartedly agree that it's tough to realize how close you once were and how far apart you are now...and that's one of the biggest heartbreakers for me...not being able to have even 10% of what I once had with my ex...but I guess it's all for the best...?

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USMCHokie - I didn't think I had it in me, either. Don't think it didn't hurt to do that, but I knew it was necessary for my dignity and my growth. I've been through so much with all of this, it was time to try something else.

 

And as for it being all for the best.....I sure hope so. It's hard to think something so painful and hard is good for us, but maybe there really is some reason for all this crap we've all gone through.

 

Hope you're well, buddy.

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