I don't know how to deal with this.

[RogueK]

I'm working on moving on right now. So much has happened with my ex now in the month that she decided to break it off.

 

She's told me it's not going to work and told me not to call her etc. She started dating someone else...etc.

 

Then last week after a series of emails i couldn't take it anymore and emailed her that i'm putting her on block. She would send me an email that would have a hint that she still has feelings for me. I would then go out of my mind wondering why my woman of 5.5 years would still be "in love" with me yet still be with another man.

 

She then said that she still thinks of us being together. She went from telling me it will never happen to her needing "time" to think about things. How on earth could she break off what we have, date someone else, tell me not to call only to say she still misses me and thinks about me constantly. How can she be with someone else and still say "I still love you" and that she still considers us getting back.

 

Can she truly love me? Is she just trying to get on with her new "party" life and wants me around for a "saftey net"? Can someone actually want to marry another, love them and then just use them as a net if dating doesn't go so well?

 

We got together because i needed an answer from her. I said "I can't go on like this..i need to know if you are with me or not". She replied "I need time to think about it". What can that mean? How can she take the time when she's with this guy? I know he spends all his attention and money on her. He's got no one else so of course he's focusing everything on her. I'm sure she's enjoying all of it.

 

It's just why, after telling me it's over, would she come back and say "i need to think about it".

 

Is she just stinging me along or is there a chance she genuinley thinks about us being together again? We ended because I let her down. I wasn't there for her as much as i should have been and we would fight too much. Nothing horrible though. I only regret letting her go as i did.

 

She's now told me that it might be best for me to just "continue on" with life. She claims she sees what this is doing to me and that it might be best if we just part ways. She said she's afraid of having me out of her life but that this might be best. I agreed with her at the time but now i wonder what and why this is all going on. The reason i got at first with the break up is that she was feeling it was going no where. Since then i've proven what she means to me by what i've said and what i've seen in her eyes since the break up. When i talk to her she's not distant (the few times i've been able to talk to her anyway). The fact is she knows now that i'm serious. If she still loves me why wouldn't she give it another try?

 

Is there a chance for us? Can it be that she's thinking about it? Is she just trying to keep me in arms length in case her "life" doesn't work out. And if that is true and she comes back is there a chance of her leaving again? I don't know how she thinks/feels. She tells me she's been completely honest with me. I just don't understand. If she loves me she'd be with me right?

 

Please help. I'm going out of my mind.

[Cpunch75]

I think your lady is confused, big time.

 

"Then last week after a series of emails i couldn't take it anymore and emailed her that i'm putting her on block. She would send me an email that would have a hint that she still has feelings for me. I would then go out of my mind wondering why my woman of 5.5 years would still be "in love" with me yet still be with another man."

 

she either can't be alone, or she is using this guy as a rebound.

"She then said that she still thinks of us being together. She went from telling me it will never happen to her needing "time" to think about things. How on earth could she break off what we have, date someone else, tell me not to call only to say she still misses me and thinks about me constantly. How can she be with someone else and still say "I still love you" and that she still considers us getting back."

 

what about what YOU feel? this episode is showing you that she is not going to be with someone who doesnt treat her well, but if she doesn't communicate that youre not treating her right, then it's half her fault anyways.

"Can she truly love me? Is she just trying to get on with her new "party" life and wants me around for a "saftey net"? Can someone actually want to marry another, love them and then just use them as a net if dating doesn't go so well?"

 

Yes, again, I think that she can't be alone and this clearly shows that she is using you as a back up plan. She is unstable now, and she is dragging you by your feet and youre letting her. Plus youre being too passive about not expressing your needs to her. If she loves you she will be with you yes, but it sounds like she needs to re-evaluate what you mean to her, and the only prescription that will work is space and time.

 

Gave it a shot

hope things work out for you

 

Punch

[clia]

If she loves me she'd be with me right?

 

Yes!

 

She's now told me that it might be best for me to just "continue on" with life.

 

Listen to her. She is point blank telling you to move on. It doesn't matter if she's confused about things. She is telling you to move on.

 

What part of that don't you understand?

[RogueK]

It's just so hard to accept. I go everyday telling myself it is over. It's just so hard to finalize everything in my head. I'm not calling her or anything but dealing with it hurts.

 

 

Besides, my point isn't that she's said that. The point is she broke it off with me and i had NO communication with her at all.

 

SHE'S the one whos came back around saying she still thinks about me and loves me and debates us being together again.

 

I was under the impression i'd had lost her and started trying to move on. Now she comes back and says she's "not sure about all of it", then tells me it's best that while she decides i should just go on with everything so i don't sit around in pain wondering what her decision might be. I mean SHE ALREADY HAD BROKEN IT OFF COMPLETELY!! How many times does she need to come back and tell me goodbye?

[Cpunch75]

why do you continue to let her hurt you emotionally with her words. Shut her out completely - get her out of your life for now.

[haoxin]

Everyone feel sad from parting from someone they love .

Its been 5 year , you guys should have sad and sweet memories in mind . Who was the one who start/suggested the break up ? She still love you i guess so . But she is tired and sick of some stuff etc . fighting you not being there? She wants to quit but she can't . I read your another post . She try to make up ! Don't you would definitly get yourself hurt again ! She is not clear bout her feeling she will get you confused !

 

She is using another guy to pleasure herself and to make herself forget bout you . Showing that she is strong . She just make you hate her that way . She don't understand whatever she is doin . If she wanna show with her new GUY .. let it be so . You don't need to get a girl to show her . Just give a happy and sudden sad smile to her . Walk away .

 

The choice is yours to make up or forget bout things !

She miss you and still do have feeling for you . Go to her make her feel it again . Call her and have a talk like when you guys meet . Talk bout everything laughter . Then ask her out sometime .. make her feel special . Ask her for another chance .

But this choice is risky she might hurt you by breaking up again !

Don't take it too seriously . SHe been trying to hint you to make up . She is a girl she can't just go to you and asking you to make up . Trying to be more understanding .

 

I suggest you to forget bout her and move on finding some new ppl . Happy life . But i guess is hard for you to trust anyone else again . Just give it time you can go tru it . Be strong keep yourself busy

 

Good Luck .

Love is beautilful

It suck when your with a b1tch or b4stard that would hurt you

[Sunflower]

RogueK, I feel for you. I really do. And I have been in your ex girl friend's shoes before too so I feel for her as well. But after some time I made it CLEAR to the guy what i wanted.

 

As others have said she is confused big time. I don't think she is playing you or anything like that. I think she sincerely doesn't know what she feels, whether she misses YOU or just the RELATIONSHIP. After all, you guys were together a long time.

 

I think the other guy is rebound, but she is with HIM right now and not you. Maybe she is still hoping to work things out with you before she gives this guy the see ya buh-bye.

 

But I think the breaking up and her getting back to you has gone on a bit too long now and I really think you need to move on with your life,and though it may be hard, forget her. Unless she makes it absolutely clear that she wants you back, just move on now. Like she herself asks you to. It's not fair to you to be sitting around while she "un"confuses herself or whatever.

Worry about this when she comes back with a clear cut statement saying she wants you back. Crystal clear.

 

Otherwise, let it go.

[RogueK]

I've decided to block out her emails and not answer the phone if she calls. By the way if anyone is wondering it has been exactly 1 month and two weeks since the initial break up. How long is it until too much time has passed for an ex to come back to you?

 

I mean to be honest with you i want to talk to her SO BADLY! The last time we spoke was last week and (after i thought she wanted no communication from me by blocking my emails) I found out that she didn't have me on block at all. Not only that she admitted AGAIN that i'm still not out of her mind.

 

I don't know what to do.

 

 

Since my first post in this thread i had decided to continue on as if she wouldn't be with me again. Then she contacted me to tell me it's over.

 

The messed up thing is that i was supposed to go on AS IF it wasn't going to happen - she told me she still thinks about being with me and that she was going to think about it - and the agreement was that she WOULDN'T call unless it was about us being with each other again. Instead she emails me to tell me that she's decided on no....again.

 

Why she CONTACTED me to tell me that again i have no idea. At the end of the email she had a note about me calling her. I had no idea why she THEN wanted to talk to me so i called her.

 

Well most of that night was me talking and her listening and answering questions. She didn't specifically have anything to say and to be honest with you (i have known her for YEARS remember) i think she was hoping i would talk her out of it. Having that realization i said "I don't know what you want me to say", then she started telling me that this decision has been tearing her apart and that she's been feeling sick and that she's decided to not let it "bother" her anymore and that she was going to move on. Normally when a woman says it you know it's over, but she said it in a way where she was trying to convince herself.

 

I don't know.

 

Then came the T-shirt calls. She broke off all communication after that night then all of a sudden one day - two phone calls and an email over a T-SHIRT (I have a thread about it somewhere).

She called me from work then one day to i guess "make sure i knew she found a shirt of mine" and was wondering if i wanted it back.

 

Here's the thing. Now everyone told me to just forget about it because she's trying to move on yet there are lingering feelings for me left and that it is nothing more.

 

I was talking to her about how much i liked the shirt and she replied with "Yeah it's a good shirt, i've been wearing it a lot". Then later in the phone conversation she told me how she noticed that i've been spending a lot of time at one of my friend's house (see she drives that way i believe to see her "man" but takes a different route to see if my car is parked over there - it's the ONLY way she would know my car is/was parked there).

 

I mean that really sounds like someone who's glad to be broken up and with someone else. Good job moving on i say.

 

Now back to the T-shirt deal basically she made it pretty clear that the only way i was going to be able to get the shirt was if i either A: had her drop it off when i'm around or B:come get it when she was home. There was no "other" option and whenever i would come up with a way to have her drop it off WITHOUT contacting me she would have a reason why she wouldn't do it. Eventually i told her to keep it. My only reason why is because of the FACT she is with this guy. I want her back in my life so badly but i don't want "half" of her. It will just mess me up and hurt me too much to see her again.

 

Anyway i haven't had any contact from her since then (although i can't be postivie considering i've had her email on block for this past week) and to tell you the truth i feel that i've been able to pick myself up and start looking forward to the future with a positive outlook again. I understand why she left and pretty much have "accepted" a lot of things that have happened.

 

Then for some reason starting yesterday (i don't know what triggered it at all) i've been miserable all over again. For some reason my focus on myself has dissappeared and been replaced by a longing to just see her again. I know it will only do me harm but all i'm thinking about lately is hoping she'll come back. I went on thinking to myself "Well if she comes back then it is meant to be, but if not then you'll have moved on". Then i would be able to go on without thinking about it.

 

The twisted thing is when/if she calls i'm still afraid of what to do. I mean at this point in the game she pretty much has no reason to contact me (no matter what her lame excuse - t-shirt) other then the fact she wants to hear from me. That's when i'm going to try and be strong and not answer it, yet NOT talking to her is the last think i want to do.

 

Also during the "T-shirt deal" she said something along the lines of "and however you want to pick it up you only have about another two weeks to decide". I didn't ask her what the two weeks were about but I have a feeling she's thinking of actually moving in with this guy. She's having a bit of money troubles and i know he's got cash. She's only known him for about a month and a half. I don't know if this is true but why else would i ONLY have two weeks to get my shirt. And what really bothers me is she brought it up so i would ask her. If that is what is going on why the hell does she want me to know? To rub it in? You would think that I broke up with her or something.

 

So there it is. I was doing well and dealing with all of this but now i'm back to missing her again. I can't stop thinking of the years we had together and the (what feels like) ten billion things we did and said together.

 

I still can't believe at one time she would have married me now she's not with me anymore. I wish i could have her back, but i don't know if time is on my side.

 

Just to let some of you know though, although i hold on to tiny shreds of hope, i'm still trying to move on. I've never been a completely independent person and that is what i've been striving to do as of late. It's definatley something i want to accomplish before i start to date again. I feel if i can be happy with just myself again i'll have the ability and courage to try and date again.

 

It's just that i wish i was spending my life with her. Is that so wrong? Maybe i need more time.