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I know why I can't move on - to move on would kill my belief in love


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

Old 20th February 2010, 5:08 AM   #1
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I know why I can't move on - to move on would kill my belief in love

This may sound ridiculous but for me its very real; the reason I BELIEVE I can't move on, is because if I do, then its coming to the very harsh realisation that love is not infinate, it can be broken.

I've always swayed between being an idealist in love and a complete pessimist. I want the fairy tale yet don't believe anyone can be faithful. My expectations are completely unrealistic with what reality and any man can give. I don't know if this is because of fairy tales or movies or if its just me and the way I think and view the world.

Despite this, I was MAD about my ex. Even though so much about us didn't work and we argued loads and in a few ways were incompatable, I was crazy about him. He made me laugh, we talked all night, we were each others first and the physical side felt special and unique because there had been no-one else for either of us. We had insane chemistry even if we were bad for each other a lot of the time and we were best friends.

I don't know if he was sensible to get off the rollercoaster or just too scared to stay on. All I know is he walked away. But for him to have done this, when *I* thought we had something worth fighting for, is the hardest part for me. Its seeing other people go through so much more than we did and fight to be together...and seeing us, go through less, but him deciding it can't be fixed and walking away. He either is too scared/immature to make it work OR he is using that as an excuse to leave me. But he wont say he doesn't love me anymore. All he ever said is that he loved me and always will and so I feel lied to...like he can't admit to me that he just DOESN'T love me.

But to get over him, to let him go (which at times i've tried to do) don't work YET because to me its like letting go of love. I don't want to be with anyone else, I don't even want to look. Nothing can be as special as a first kiss or the first time having sex or the first everything. Everything else will just be repetition and i'm not a promiscuous girl and I don't like dating so it seems i'm going to be on my own for a very long time.

I just heart and soul miss him and through everything I KNOW I love him. How are you meant to get over it when you know its true love for you but they walk away?
They say you sacrifice everything for the one you love; maybe thats why i'm sacrificing my own happiness now. Because my heart is too damn loyal to him and to love to just get over him and let me find somebody new.

A few people wrote posts about staying in love with their exes because its the only kind of love for them that can remain and I understand that so much. To move on feels like i'm cheating myself because inside I almost made a vow to love him forever and I just don't know HOW to walk away from that, even if he has.
This is a rant more than anything. Its just so hard.

____

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I find it hard to fall in love unless I have a lot of history with a person; a massive build-up and I don't think thats likely to happen again because people dart in and out of meaningless relationships rather than build up something amazing with 1 person.

And there's so many little memories frozen in my head that pull at my heart; one is looking at pictures of him as a child and knowing that I loved him and kissing him and saying 'i'll look after you forever.' Sappy things like that but the moments felt so strong. I'd never felt so overcome by loving someone.

I think every relationship has specific ingredients that make it potent, unique and addictive. And ours were love, infatuation, lust, friendship, co-dependence and weirdly enough hate as well. So it was a mixture of all these very intense feelings. Its hard to get over the marks those emotions leave.

Last edited by Nikki Sahagin; 20th February 2010 at 5:19 AM..
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Old 20th February 2010, 7:40 AM   #2
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I totally get you, I do. And I'm so very sorry. In what ways were you incompatible, may I ask? You don't need to answer if it's counterproductive to you moving on.

The best way for you to move on now, IMO, is to tell yourself, no matter how much it hurts, that this relationship clearly didn't mean to him what it did to you. To you it was the purest of love and so very special... but it evidently wasn't to him, or else he wouldn't have left without even trying to work issues out. So why cling to something that wasn't there in the first place? Why cry for someone who doesn't deserve your tears?

It hurts like a bombshell at first, but I believe it will help you get over it faster.
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Old 20th February 2010, 8:53 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikki Sahagin View Post

I've always swayed between being an idealist in love and a complete pessimist.
That is called being a romantic and the pubs are full of drunks just like you. And why are they choose to be drunks? Because their art was ugly, poerty was piss, their music was mediocre, their writing was unreadable, thier love was lonely. The allow this because something hurt them deeply too and they chose to let the pessimist in them win. They held on to their pain, let it kill the idealist in them so to give them an excuse not to make their ideals come true.

You are not going to be rewarded by holding on to your pain. It will not bring this idealist notion of what you though perfect love was. But you can still be a romanitc and go out in the world a discover a new ideal wonderful idea of what love will be in your life. Startring with the love you have for your self, that can be unbreakable.

And maybe your ideas of love was not wrong but just used on the wrong person. And in time even if you do discover that it may need adjusting use your idealism to create a new masterpiece of love in your life. Do not let the sad, hurt and pain of pessimism win in your life. There are so few of us idealistic romantics left, knowing that we may never be satisfied but being smart enough not to let us stop us from believing.
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Last edited by GrayClouds; 20th February 2010 at 9:30 AM..
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