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Absolute rage and anger


brock9911

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i recently have gone through a string of depression and iv had some severe anxiety. lots of which is caused by some forms of ocd, where i dwell on thoughts that deem to be irrational or silly. but nagging none the less. the only person who i felt comfort with talking to about it was my ex.

 

of coarse like the idiot i am, i contact her to try to get some comfort. and in doing so theres the catch up and how r ya doing type conversations. and shes be "doing really good" and "nothing to complain about"... she says shes been seein other people. nothing serious but knowing the fact that shes playing the field pisses me off. if she had the selfishness and heartlessness to cheat on me with out dating people, i coulld only imagine how many guys shes f*cked by just having dinner that f*cking hore.

 

than she goes on to ask me about what kind of wire she needs to use to connect her ipod to her "NEW" car...now shes a new person..how fitting. apparently shes out and about enjoying her new life. than tells me shes got some form of cervix cancer...you know what, good, for all of the suffering u put me through over the past years, im glad...rot in hell bitch

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I can totally relate to you on this one...in fact i could have written your story. I also have OCD which is absolutely devastating especially when going through a horrible experience like a break up. My wife had an affair and then left me for said individual. Of course when you have ocd your mind will torture you with images and thoughts of every negative thing you can imagine...and you get angrier and the rage just builds it is a viscious cycle.

 

One thing i learned though is that having negative feelings toward her just created more anxiety which fueled my OCD even more. I refuse to punish myself anymore.

 

I know the torture you are going through man believe me i do...if you feel like nobody understands how you feel or understands you at all it is not true. The good news is it will get better i promise you that. Just keep on going day to day and improvement will show itself. If you have any questions about my situation don't hesitate to ask. I am quite certain our situations are very similar.

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LikeABirdWhoFlew

Same story here too. I have OCD/Anxiety/Panic/Depression. I had these conditions under control when with my EX, or when they would surface she was there to comfort and help me. Now that she is gone ALL of these symptoms have surfaced full force. I'm facing them on my own, and it is very painful now, but in the long run I will be a lot stronger for it. (if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger)

 

I had 2 complete breakdowns. One requiring hospitalization. So yeah, your not alone. I think a lot of people on LS has some sort of anxiety or OCD.

 

Hope you start to feel better brother! Your not alone!

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