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I need with coping, with dealing and with maintaining No contact.


thedreg

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http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t213307/

^ my break up story if you're interested buy its not required.

 

the Jist: im in my later 20s , she was my 1st love , things got rough to no fault of either of us(i was layed off and unemployed for 10 months,im not any longer) but i thought we could work through it, she thought otherwise.

 

I'm having trouble maintaining NC, i got a day in and fell apart, i didn't beg for her back, but i told her in a text MSG that i was confused as to the reason and would like clarification. i just called her (she didn't answer and i instantly regretted dialing)

 

im not real optimistic that she will want me back, and im not sure i would want her back given the reason for her dumping me. her reason was that she lost respect when i was unemployed. but i know her and she's not that shallow. i think there's something else, which is the reason i made contact, i feel if i knew the real reason i could move on with out wondering and driving myself crazy.

 

all i can think about at this point is what i did wrong, what i could of done and the things i should have paid attention to, i never did anything real bad like cheating, but im wishing i hadn't made the couple mistakes that i did.

 

for 3 years she was my best friend and the person i talk to about everything. im alone. i don't have a lot of friends, and my best male friend is about to have a kid, so i will be really alone in about 9 months time.

 

i know i should keep NC. and tips? should i try to talk to her to get to the bottom of her reasoning? or would it do me no good?

Edited by thedreg
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I really feel for you right now bud. I was there, and there's really nothing myself or anyone else can say to comfort you. It's going to be long road that you've just starting to walk down. It's a lonely, painful, and confusing journey that you will get through. But there are some things that I've applied to my own misery to help get you through this.

 

NC IMMEDIATELY! Be strong.. Erase her in every way. All phone numbers, past text, past emails, pictures, social networking sites, etc.. Disassociate yourself from mutual friends if they are still tied to your ex. There's no need to hear from the grape vine how or what she's up to. The sooner your able to go strict NC, the sooner your going to be able to heal. Bottom line. To continue any communication is like ripping of a bandage off wound that is trying to heal. The longer you go NC the easier it will get.

 

There's no answers for what your going through. It's all about time. Know that the pain is ok. Some days you'll get up(if your sleeping) that the pain will unbearable, it's ok. Feel it. Be depressed, be hurt, be effin angry. Be anything that your feeling. It's ok, embrace it. Your going get through this stronger on the end. Continue to post here and know people here care bud..

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Shes immature then . Just remember you cant change the past. Just think about the future. Ive become totaly and completly selfish since my breakup. Ive had it bad because I ve been a college student for the last year and a half. I Dont work because I have a deal with my parents. So Since my breakup I've dropped out of my classes, and since I am unemployed I have almost no outlet to forget about my broken heart. Keeping busy is very important. That means friends, family , ect... hobbies And remember they made the mistake leaving you .

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http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t213307/all i can think about at this point is what i did wrong, what i could of done and the things i should have paid attention to, i never did anything real bad like cheating, but im wishing i hadn't made the couple mistakes that i did.

 

Took them for granted, argued a little too long about stupid stuff, doesn't matter, we all did it. Perfect relationships don't exist.

 

Start by cutting yourself some slack and forgiving yourself. Next, and what I did was, really focus on what I did not want to have happen in my next relationship that happened in this one.

 

Temper, booze, job, whatever it is, work on it. Clean your house top to bottom, clean your car, hit the gym. You need to start surrounding yourself with your positive accomplishments.

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Took them for granted, argued a little too long about stupid stuff, doesn't matter, we all did it. Perfect relationships don't exist.

 

Start by cutting yourself some slack and forgiving yourself. Next, and what I did was, really focus on what I did not want to have happen in my next relationship that happened in this one.

 

Temper, booze, job, whatever it is, work on it. Clean your house top to bottom, clean your car, hit the gym. You need to start surrounding yourself with your positive accomplishments.

 

Agree with what he said. No one is perfect - the point of relationships is to communicate and grow TOGETHER.

 

My bf also broke up with me because I took him for granted...in my mind I wasn't taking him for granted. How was I suppose to know if he didn't communicate until it was too late?

 

It seems to me that a lot of people have the mentality "if he/she truly cared for me, they would know what I want". Unfortunately, unless your dating someone who has telepathic ability, this is 100% wrong and eventually these people will have to learn to COMMUNICATE or be miserable for a long long time.

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