LonelyGuy85 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 I have always been kind of down all my life, like a continuous sense of dread was always hanging over me, but as i got older it has gotten worse. About a few months ago i had a panic attack when i thinking about where my life has gone and promised myself that i would do something about the rut i am in. I started swimming a lot but it's very much a solo activity. However, i really want to conquer my social anxiety feelings and get out there more, but i have no idea how i would go about this. Is there actually medication that can help with this? I just want to have a relaxed calm attitude and not become really anxious when i have to talk to other people. Link to post Share on other sites
grfins Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 I have always felt very similar in that i have had a continuous sense of dread that would some day rear its head. It happened to me at 42 after having such a blessed life and marriage of 20 years. To me life is 90% bull**** and we live for that other 10% of the good times. Social anxiety is a problem for me as well especially in groups of more than 3 people. Im hoping someone here has some decent advice as i feel your pain and i am looking for some answers as well on how to open up a bit more. I never felt i would need to, as i felt my future was set but things drastically changed. Loneliness is not a good thing and having social anxiety or just being plain shy makes it that much more difficult to develop relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
ditched Posted December 9, 2009 Share Posted December 9, 2009 I too suffer from Social Anxiety. I spoke to my doctor years ago about just feeling depressed and nervous allllll the time. He started me on some pills and referred me to a counselor and both have helped me alot. I mean, sometimes it takes awhile to find the right medication for you because alot of people have different side effects. So it is a bit of a process. but the right pills and a good counselor should have you feeling better. I still have alot of issues socially, but ive come a long way from when i first sought help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 It's good to know that there are other people out there who went through or have the same feelings. I am glad to know that there is hope out there, but the idea of taking a cocktail of meds really doens't appeal to me. Whenever i lose time in work i lose money and i am struggling to keep my head above water at the moment, let alone if i had to miss a few hours here and there to attend the doctors. I am going to look into the options more, and then maybe in the new year i will book a doctors app to see what they can do for me. I need to do something, i am tired of feeling like this all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 LonelyGuy85, it can be challenging. I don't like alot of people. It's funny though, cause once we open up to each other everything is cool. I go out and talk to new girls, but as soon as I hint rejection I freeze up. It is challenging when you're like this and single. You will find someone, put yourself out there. Try to exercise and meditate before meds. Enjoy! Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Hey lonelyguy. I've suffered from anxiety since I was about 5 and i'm 20 now. Its an incredibly difficult condition to live with and I don't know what i'd recommend seeing as I don't see therapists nor do I take medication (just can't bring myself to do it!) However if you can do either of these things, they will help. Medication is not recommended but if your anxiety is severe it may be necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
LikeABirdWhoFlew Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 nor do I take medication (just can't bring myself to do it!) If someone wants to take medication or not, that is entirely up to them. But please allow me to offer my point of view. One would NEVER say "I just can't bring myself to take medicine for my diabetes" or "I will look weak if I take medicine for my bad heart". To me this is utter nonsense. Strong people know they need help and if that help includes medication such as anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds then so be it. It is no sign of weakness to get some extra help with medication to treat your social anxiety and or depression. You said you can't afford to take time off work to see a Doctor. To me this sounds like you are deflecting the truth here. Imagine how your world will open up if indeed you do need these medications and you have been without them for so long. I speak from experience. I was completely agoraphobic (house bound) by age 12 and have lived with major anxiety until I was finally able to get help at the age of 21. I went from failing in school and hiding in my room with out the meds to going on to college and dating many, many, many women. I feel I owe my life to the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds I take now. Now don't get me wrong, even with the medication I am taking now, I still hurt due to my break up. Nothing, I mean nothing will take that pain away. It just takes time and to be gentle with yourself. ps. I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I have general anxiety disorder or GAD I've felt that sense of dread since I was a child. I have taken clonozopam in the past and it calmed me right down. Link to post Share on other sites
soheartbroken Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I have general anxiety disorder or GAD I've felt that sense of dread since I was a child. I have taken clonozopam in the past and it calmed me right down. Also, if you're in a decent sized city, check out meetup.com. I've found a group for shy people/people with social anxiety. Might do you a whole world of good to be around others like yourself. Will take the pressure off. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 If someone wants to take medication or not, that is entirely up to them. But please allow me to offer my point of view. One would NEVER say "I just can't bring myself to take medicine for my diabetes" or "I will look weak if I take medicine for my bad heart". To me this is utter nonsense. Strong people know they need help and if that help includes medication such as anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds then so be it. It is no sign of weakness to get some extra help with medication to treat your social anxiety and or depression. You said you can't afford to take time off work to see a Doctor. To me this sounds like you are deflecting the truth here. Imagine how your world will open up if indeed you do need these medications and you have been without them for so long. I speak from experience. I was completely agoraphobic (house bound) by age 12 and have lived with major anxiety until I was finally able to get help at the age of 21. I went from failing in school and hiding in my room with out the meds to going on to college and dating many, many, many women. I feel I owe my life to the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds I take now. Now don't get me wrong, even with the medication I am taking now, I still hurt due to my break up. Nothing, I mean nothing will take that pain away. It just takes time and to be gentle with yourself. ps. I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. For me its not so much that I wouldn't take them because I would but I tend to think all medication has side effects or would make me a zombie or would mean i'm never learning to cope alone. In saying that, my anxiety is very severe and sometimes I cope better than I do on other days but I am always so suspicious of medication and would worry it would do more harm than good. Link to post Share on other sites
bluestraps Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 It sounds like if youre having panic atacks you may for sure need medical assistance. THings that happen to us as a kid or even as adults where we are effected so deeply that it does something to us inside I really believe before others can like you or love you , you need to love or like yourself. Ive realized that we may all seem alike , But in reality every person on this earth is 100 % unique. Some where along the road maybe in school, someone made you feel you did'nt fit in or you were different Well guess what , you are . You have a mind of your own, you have good qualities and bad qualities. I also catch myself thinking or comparing myself to others . I also have problems in situations where i cant seem to interact with others, But I dont feel like something is wrong mentaly . You should see if you truly have a condition. Also try telling yourself good things about yourself ,Into a mirror.. Im not kiding or being funny. oR maybe writhe down all the things that make you a great person Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I have social phobia too, I think being dumped is harder for us as our self esteem is already low, and when we are ready to find someone else it is harder for us cos we're not 'out there' so much as other people are. I'm not on meds for it as I react badly to them but I am having CBT. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 (edited) Thanks for the responses. The idea of rejection is actually incredibly scary to me as well, i know that it steams from family problems years and years ago, but it's been a part of my childhood that has developed well into my adult years. It's the main reason i am totally on my own. I can't just put myself out there and hope that the person i want to be with says yes, instead i withdraw into myself and face the lonliness instead of the rejection. It's definitely something i need to face and break. I just lack the confidence or the friendships to do it alone. Edited December 12, 2009 by LonelyGuy85 Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 Sometimes just knowing you're not alone in how you feel makes it easier to bear. Lots of people suffer from anxiety. I dated a guy that had panic attacks. When we first started seeing one another we were stuck in traffic in downtown Toronto. Everything was fine one moment, I was driving and chatting- the all of a sudden he threw off his seatbelt and jumped out of the car and started booking it down the street! I thought he was being funny at first- but he was having a panic attack and had to get out! It didn't phase me- we still talk, and we still laugh about it. I think it was our third date, lol. The thing about meds is that different meds work differently with different people, so often you have to fiddle with doses and meds to get the right result. That can be a bit of a pain. In the long run, if meds can help make your life more enjoyable, it's worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted December 12, 2009 Share Posted December 12, 2009 I'd love a group like that, there's nothing like that here though. Also, if you're in a decent sized city, check out meetup.com. I've found a group for shy people/people with social anxiety. Might do you a whole world of good to be around others like yourself. Will take the pressure off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 12, 2009 Author Share Posted December 12, 2009 Hehe, That's quite shocking. I had my first panic attack a few months back, but it was over nothing inparticular. One day i was thinking about how bad my life has been up to this point and suddenly i was on my knees, struggling to breath. It was at the point i realised that i need to do something with my life. I need to make some serious changes. I kind of know the direction, i am just unsure of where. As usual it starts with a girl, but as we all know, i just don't have the confidence to see if there is anything there.... Link to post Share on other sites
alessia Posted December 13, 2009 Share Posted December 13, 2009 i can totally relate with you.. i have always been a really sensitive and shy person so i have always had trouble making friends. i realized my biggest fear is to let others really know me, because i'm afraid they won't like what they see and run away from me... (that happened to me a lot in the past)... i managed to open up with my ex boyfriend, but since i'm alone again (after a almost 6 years long relationship) i've putted up my walls again... i don't let others come close to me. i just lock myself inside... It's not something that i do on purpose. Everytime somebody tries to come close to me and starts asking things that are a little more personal than "how is the weather","do you like chocolate" etc, i just can stand it and i go away.. i won't call them back and i will disappear. i know this is totally my fault but i can't help it.. And, of course, the more i stay by myself, the more i feel anxious of being with other people.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LonelyGuy85 Posted December 13, 2009 Author Share Posted December 13, 2009 (edited) Alessia, i can totally relate to you. Growing up i build walls around myself, and now i have spent the last 5 years trying to stop me from building them, and i have actually accomplished quite a nice bit, but i still can't seem to be open enough for me to build connections with people and become friends. Staying isolated definitely doesn't help with social anxiety. I have been trying to overcome this barrier, but it's like a catch 22 situation; i need to make friends to avoid isolation and overcome my social anxiety issues, but my social anxiety issues stop me from being able to make friends. Edited December 13, 2009 by LonelyGuy85 Link to post Share on other sites
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